Today we address the highly anticipated follow up to last week’s cliffhanger about rejection.
When rejection strikes us in the heart, sometimes our ego feels the need to seek revenge. Just like good ol’ Queen Artemesia. She blinded her beau after he turned her down flat. But, the revenge she sought wasn’t enough. It didn’t heal the pain of her scorned heart. Here’s the problem:
Seeking revenge never works.
It will always leave you lacking. Did I want to seek revenge for my ex’s betrayal? Hell yes! But, I never did. I realized I didn’t want to stoop to his level. I knew I was better than that. And so are you.
The only way to heal your heart is to go through the pain. Sit in the darkness. Learn your lesson. Become whole. And, the scariest of all scary words…forgive. That’s the best way to get revenge.
No.3 – Revenge Won’t Make You Whole
Revenge is never worth it. It brings out the worst, ugliest side of yourself. It consumes you like a virus. In fact, it can even make you physically sick. Like my man J.C. said in Matthew 5:39, “But I tell you, do not resist an evil person. If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also.”
Meet persecution with peace. It doesn’t mean you have to welcome that person back into your life to let them “slap” you again. Dust off your stilettos walk away if they’ve done you wrong. But, if you’re thinking about seeking revenge like Queen Artemisia did, I got one word for ya…DON’T. It’s pointless.
If you don’t take Jesus’ word for it, try the immortal words of Inigo Montoya in The Princess Bride. No…not…
The other one. The one that happens at the end of the movie, after he’s completes his revenge and kills the six-fingered man who murdered his father. (Sorry, spoiler.)
Yep, that’s the one!
Trust that Karma’s going take care of it and move on with your life. The best form of revenge is always your own success and happiness. Well, that and looking smokin’ hot in your profile pic. (Wink, wink.)
No.4 – Rise Up, Queen and Forgive
Dr. Judith Orloff states that “Forgiveness is the act of compassionately releasing the desire to punish someone or yourself for an offense.”
Girl, I couldn’t have said it better myself!
Revenge gives your wrongdoer power over your most valuable prize: your thoughts. Do not give him your power! Your thoughts guide your actions, your way of life. They shape your character. I know It’s hard to watch someone get away with doing something shitty. But, the only way to transform your anger and lust for revenge, is by consciously shifting your thoughts to Love. Capital L-O-V-E.
Forgive the actor, not the actions. This doesn’t mean you take El Douchebag back and sacrifice your boundaries in the process. You can maintain your healthy boundaries AND recognize that we are all human and we all make mistakes. Everyone has their emotional shortcomings that they have to deal with, and fortunately this rejection is helping you deal with yours.
Thank them for it.
You don’t have to do it in person. Mentally, consciously, energetically thank them for helping you grow into the strong, vibrant woman you always believed you could be. You don’t have to directly address them face to face, especially if it’s a domestic violence situation. Keep yourself safe.
There is no excuse for malicious behavior, but stretch your compassion muscles to see-through the wrongdoer’s eyes. How are they emotionally crippled? How have their circumstances shaped why they act the way they do? Why do they feel the need to act negatively toward you and/or others? What insecurities are they dealing with?
Once you see-through your wrongdoers eyes to look at both their actions and your actions through their eyes, you’ll discover the power of empathy. Does this excuse their behavior? Absolutely not. Does it make you understand their actions? Yes, indeed. When you understand the behavior, you will be able to see similar signs in future relationships, so you can address them before they turn into a giant cluster-stoup. This is how you learn.
Empathy is the magical thread that stitches your heart back together again and helps it grow.
And now for the final piece of the puzzle…
Liberate yourself by forgiving them. This way you can move forward and Crown Yourself.
To all my past loves and losses, I wish them nothing but the best. I pray they learned their lessons as I’ve learned (and continue to learn) mine.
Now I’d love to hear from you. How did you deal with rejection? Have you come to terms with forgiving the wrongdoer?