I believe in miracles, Manolos, and that there is power + profit in mistakes.
A born-n-raised Valley Girl, powered by green juice, Italian espresso, and gallons of glitter, I am proud to have helped hundreds of women (and a handful of men) breakthrough the their body barriers, revolutionize their relationships, and rewrite their stories of self-sabotage into a story of success, in all areas of their life.
WHAT’S YOUR STORY?
For as long as I can remember I’ve been obsessed with stories of women who go from rags to riches, from fear to success, and vice versa. What separates those who cave into their circumstances while others climb to the top?
Why do some self-destruct and others succeed?
As a child I always was attracted to powerful female human characters…mainly princesses…who ruled with passion, purpose, and who pioneered their own path. Every movie. Every book. Every bedtime story. My mom even had to dig deep into the bowels of library literature from ye olden days to find new princess stories. I couldn’t get enough of them. I was fascinated by their humanity, despite their royal status.
I hid inside these characters and buried myself in my imagination to escape the truth of what was going on at home. Addiction ran rampant in my house: my dad the addict, my mom the quintessential codependent. It was then, as a child when I made the decision to be an actress.
I acted in all the wrong places - in my romantic relationships + in my relationship with myself.
I acted like I was fine when I wasn’t. I acted happy when all I wanted to do was cry. I acted healthy when all I wanted to do was puke. I wanted to vomit up all the lies, all the bullshit, all the pretending. And yet I soldiered on with my story of blame and pain. The funny thing is, most people thought I had my shit together…like really well.
The stories we tell ourselves are the most profound…and usually not true.
I created this powerful story in my mind that affected every part of me - my career, my relationships, and my relationship with my body. I believed I was broken. So I continued to break off pieces of me to fit into other people’s molds of what I thought they wanted me to be. I was a chameleon. Adapting to survive.
In my story, I was never enough.
- Not perfect enough.
- Not smart enough.
- Not working hard enough.
- Not skinny enough.
- Not lovable enough.
So I constantly had to PROVE myself. Prove my “enoughness.” And, man did I try.
I had so many goals I thought I’d have to clone myself to accomplish them all.
And, to make my battle to prove myself even more challenging, I had many different, seemingly unrelated desires…and goals in every single one of those arenas. Writing, acting, entrepreneurship, musical theater, fitness, film production, women’s issues, building orphanages in India, and beauty pageants (well, that was mostly because I liked the crowns).
My first film, BRO', that I co-wrote starred Danny Trejo + was bought by Lionsgate. I competed in Miss CA USA, won Miss Congeniality, and had a whole bunch of other Miss titles. I acted in London at a prestigious school in roles I’d dreamed of being. I became a certified Pilates instructor, was named "Pilates Pro" by Oxygen magazine, and owned my own studio, Fitness with Kim for ten years. I was the president + spokeswoman of a national online company that sold a back stretching device and I pitched it to the first round of "Shark Tank." I ran 4 full marathons. Not a bad start, eh?
But even after all my successes, I still didn’t feel like enough.
That’s when I realized the common denominator…me.
Because during every single one of my successes, I sabotaged it with either deflecting to my body or deflecting to my current relationship. So for every inch of career success I got, I took two steps back. For every acting success, I would obsess over how I needed to be skinner. For every entrepreneurial success, I was with a bad partner, which would cause tension and friction in my businesses. For every fitness success, again it was being in bad relationships + my body. For my success as a screenwriter, I was in several bad romantic relationships, which took my attention away from continuing to grow down that path. I neglected countless opportunities from fear.
I was repeating the same behavior I grew up with...self sabotage.
Codependency. Body deflection. Enoughness. Escapism. Perfectionism. But what each of these really boils down to is fear. Fear of success. Fear of wholeness. And those made me self-sabotage back to the star. Because achieving wholeness + success was never something I was taught or shown. That's when I realized...
The belief that I was broken was 100% plagiarized.
In fact, I was plagiarizing my entire life. I was imitating the language + thoughts of others and acting as if they were my own. Thoughts like I would never be enough, that I needed to work hard + neglect my family in order to have success, that I had to be perfect before I could achieve my goals, that I had to have "issues," because...well...everyone does.
who the frag is everyone, btw?
I created this story in my mind that completely limited myself from achieving the body, relationships, and business I desired. It was then that I realized my power of choice. I could choose to continue feeding my story, focusing on my limitations, blaming other people - family, bad boyfriends, society, my upbringing, - and everything for my choices. Or I could take my power back. It was my choice to create a story to limit myself.
That meant it was also my choice to change my story.
when I stepped into my power of choice, my life started to change ...radically.
And from my 10 years of working with women teaching in the fitness industry, I knew that there are thousands of women struggling with the same plagiarized beliefs, the same self-sabotage, the same feeling that they had no choice, that they are broken, and that hating your body, having bad relationships, and missing out on opportunity is just the way life is. Maybe they hadn't stuck their finger down their throat, but they constantly compared their body everyday to other women. Maybe they hadn't dated a drug-dealing felon, but they were stuck on a rollercoaster of a relationship that prevented them from focusing on their business. Maybe they hadn't grown up with an addict for a dad, but they spent their lives blaming other people, other situations, other things for never having the results they truly desired for their lives. I know because I was stuck in the same crappy cycle of perfecting, deflecting, escaping, depending, and fearing, for 18 years.
And if you're still reading...
I want you to know that you can create your own story. It starts with stepping into your Power of Choice.
Once I did, everything shifted. I left an industry I thought was my dream. I left several men + family members I loved, only to find + create a better one. I chose to stop settling for second best or being treated second rate anymore, by anyone...including myself.
Since then, I have lived more, loved more, and traveled more than I ever thought was possible.
I started loving my body. I met + married my best friend. Spent six weeks in Italy on our honeymoon. Wine tasted around the world. Ran a few half marathons with my hubby. Got certified as a coach in Neurolinguisic Programming. Quit my side-job. Co-wrote an Amazing Best selling Book. Had a baby...naturally. Realized I am freaking Wonder Woman.
AND YOU ARE TOO.
The power that we have as women is immeasurable. (I mean, we push babies out of us...that's pretty freaking powerful.) The thing is, though, it's up to you to embrace it. You have to choose. And with that choice, comes all the responsibility that goes with it. Because being at Cause for your life takes guts. Sometimes it gets really hard when you stop the blame game and realize that no one else is at Cause for your life (and your results) but you.