Sir Mixalot may like big butts, but do you? Here's how using a 'but' in your communication can massively affect the behavior of the person you're communicating with. And, when and where you should stick your 'but' and where you shouldn't, if you want to be an effective communicator.
As mission-minded, high-vibe Queens we normally have our you-know-what together. However, sometimes we're hit with low vibes, or as I call them "labor pains," learn how to you add more pleasure to your pain to push your dream out...just like a baby.
Learn the linguistic trick to remember to remember and not forget what you want to remember.
Ever wonder why #adulting seems so freakin' hard? BAD NEWS: Only you're making it that way. Learn three simple steps to make #adultingsohard so easy...and so much more fun when you #CrownYourself.
There’s a huge difference between being busy and actually getting shit done. But at the end of the month, when you look at your bank account, or your BMI, or your calendar full of date nights (or lack thereof)...
How much has your BUSY-ness pushed you up that ladder toward where you want to be?
In 10 years of working with people, whether it was teaching Pilates or Coaching, let me tell you, being “too busy” is not an original excuse. It didn’t matter whether my client was a housewife with two grown children in college, or a partner at one of the top law firms in the country, every single woman thought she was busy. Too busy to work out. Too busy to take on another project. Too busy to go on a date. Too busy to meditate. Being “too busy” is a popular perception to have.
o one wants to think of themselves as lazy. (Even if their results say that they are.)
o, how do you ensure that your BUSY-Ness and your results are in alignment?
NO. 1 - Connect with your Goal
A lot of times we like to use the “too busy” excuse because we’re really comfortable in our comfort zone. We know how to survive there. Your goal has to be greater than your current comfort level. Because when you start doing ANYTHING new, you’re brain is going to flash warning signals. Danger! Danger!
That’s totally normal. It’s just your amygdala trying to keep you alive. This is great if you’re running away from a tiger. Not so great if you’re stepping back into the dating pool, though. That’s why your goal has to be grander than your current comfort. You’ve got to want that relationship, that body, that promotion more than you want to stay where you are.
NO. 2 - Be Intentional with Your Time
At the end of the day, did you move the needle a little closer to where you want to be. If you want to lose weight, look back on the day and really see if you took the steps forward to achieve your goal. Did you work out? Or did you let those tantalizing office doughnuts best you…again?
If you want to to improve your romantic relationship, did you take that moment in the morning to kiss your love goodbye? Or did you just rush out the door again? Did you send a text letting to that guy to let him know he was on your mind? Or did you fear being perceived as “desperate” and say to yourself, “I’ll wait till he texts me,” again?
O.3 - Measure Your Data…Not Your Feelings
specially as women, we measure our productivity by how we FEEL we did. We FEEL we’ve been busy all day. We FEEL we’ve done a lot. We FEEL like we made healthy choices all day. But I’ve seen men be guilty of this as well. On Sunday, Spike and I did an intense strategy session, planning for our next quarter. We were measuring our results to our time. “But our training was only two week ago,” Spike said. I checked my calendar and looked at the data. “It was a month ago.” Spike was shocked. “Really, it felt like two weeks ago.”
Data doesn’t lie. Feelings do.
our feelings stem from your unconscious mind, and your unconscious mind wants to please you. That’s why if your measuring stick is your feelings, you’re measuring faulty data. Measuring the actual data takes some major guts though. It’s not always pleasant to look at the numbers. I used to get into fights ALL the time with my ex. Like, ALL. THE. TIME. At least weekly, if not more. Finally I took a look at the actual data of how many fights we were getting into compared to my ideal, dream relationship (which included, healthy, strong communication). I realized the data my feelings gave me was crap. So I dumped that data as well as my ex. How did I know Spike was the right one? I measured the data. I can count on one hand how many fights we’ve had in over 5 years of being together.
This next week, challenge you to truly take a look at what you’re so “busy” doing.
Every choice you’ve made. Every unconscious pattern you currently have has got you to where you are now. If you want to be somewhere else - richer, happier, healthier, whatever - connect first with WHY you want it. Then be intentional everyday and measure your progress daily or weekly.
And, remember...measure the data, not your feelings.
And watch your life transform from where you are now to where you want to be…rapidly.
I know in the midst of the holidays, life can get busy. Between family, friends, parties, presents, there’s a lot that goes on and usually our self-care regimen is the first thing to be put on the back burner until January. It’s just so much more snuggly to stay cozy in bed than to go for that morning run, right?
You’re normally on your game with your self-care routine.
Maybe you’re not 100% every week perfect. But you get in your stretching, your workouts, your regular manicures, and occasionally indulge in a massage or a facial when you feel you need it bad enough.
The thing is, while practicing that self-care routine is great, it’s all external.
You can do the tasks. You can hit your workouts. You can get your mani-pedis on the reg, but if you’re missing the internal self-care those tasks are just a brief boost of endorphins. Kind of like watching a motivational video on Facebook. You feel good for a minute, maybe even an hour, but after that initial endorphin rush drops, you’re left back in your own head.
And that can be the place where your self-care routine is lacking the most.
That crappy inner critic that whispers lies and questions your worth starts chiming in, and BAM! Suddenly you start questioning if you it was worth it to get the extra 15 minutes of massage. Or you start down the shame spiral of bashing yourself that ONE chocolate chip cookie, even though you kicked ass in your workouts everyday that week like a rockstar.
How can you practice self-compassion regularly? Like daily, if not by the minute?
NO. 1 - Get Out of Your Head + Into Your Heart
Your heart, like your brain generates a powerful electromagnetic field. In fact your heart generates the LARGEST electromagnetic field in your body. Scientists at the HeartMath Institute have discovered that...
Your heart actually sends more signals to your brain than your brain sends to your heart!
uring stress and negative emotions (especially that self-directed shame, like when you’re beating yourself up), it causes your heart rhythm to be erratic and disordered AND the corresponding pattern of neural signals traveling from the heart to the brain actually inhibits higher cognitive functions, limiting your ability to think clearly, remember, learn, reason, and make effective decisions.
Now what’s even cooler is that during positive emotional states, the more ordered and stable pattern of the heart’s input to the brain, actually facilitates cognitive function AND reinforces positive feelings and emotional stability. This means that being able to sustain positive emotions - like joy, compassion, love, gratitude, bliss - not only benefits the body but it also profoundly effects how you think
NO. 2 - Start with Gratitude
o, whenever that bitchy inner critic gets turned on or you start heading down the shame spiral, stop! Pivot. And think of something that you are so powerfully grateful for that it fills every cell in your body with love.
More importantly, it fills your heart with love.
Find that gratitude. Find that moment, that person, that experience from your past or your present that totally makes you vibrate with gratitude. It could be the first smile you got from your baby boy. I could be the moment your husband got on one knee and asked you to marry him. It could be sharing a profound belly laugh with your girlfriends that came at just the perfect moment.
editate on this experience until you’re so overwhelmed with gratitude that you feel every cell in your body vibrating with love.
ove only finds you when you love yourself enough to let love out from within.
Motivation dies quickly. You go to a workshop, take a seminar, watch a webinar. And for that day you’re feeling pretty pumped! You’ve got all these ideas flowing, and everything seems like it’s jiving. Maybe you even go home and make a list of all the stuff you’re going to get done, and all your goals for the entire year, and all your dreams. You start scrolling through Pinterest, crafting the perfect vision board of everything you want, desire, and dream of in your life.
Then tomorrow comes.
And that whole idea you had to wake up at 5AM and workout seems a bit…well, hard. Maybe you had your 4-month old woke you up a few times throughout the night. Maybe you were so pumped that you didn’t fall asleep till 12PM because you were too busy crafting that Pinterest dream board. Maybe it’s just freaking early…and cold…and your tired...and those covers just feel so damn good. And all that motivation dies right under the covers, and you go back to doing the same ol’ thing.
Willpower is highly overrated.
Did you know that your willpower only accounts for about 5% of all that you do? According to Tony Swartz’, New York Magazine writer and founder of The Energy Project, 95% of what we do is unconscious. Think about the last time you took a different route to work in the morning. Think about how many outfits you REALLY wear, out of all those clothes you have hanging in your closet.
If 95% of what we do is unconscious, you think it might be a good idea to work on your unconscious mind a bit?
otivation works on your conscious mind, which is why you’ll feel good in the moment, perhaps even take a few action steps, but by day three, that motivation has dwindled…rapidly. That’s why the average New Year’s resolution lasts a whopping seven days…pathetic.
The problem is that motivation is like putting a bandaid on a hemorrhaging artery.
If you’re bleeding out on the street and your artery is spewing blood everywhere and I hand you a bandaid, would that serve you? NO! At best it would cause a minute pause in the hemorrhaging, but you’d still bleed out. What you need is something MAJOR. Literally, in that moment, you need something life changing.
Motivation solves enough your problem, just enough to temporarily halt the bleeding.
Motivation alone isn’t enough. Knowledge alone isn’t enough. You have to act. Just like it’s not neuroscience to know that a pizza is a less healthy choice than a salad. Yet, nearly 70% of Americans are overweight or obese. So many people still choose the pizza, even though we have all the information at our fingertips as to why we should really choose the salad.
That’s why this month, I’m rewarding action.
For the month of December, if you purchase my Platinum Coaching Package, I will give you a $1000 shopping spree at Neiman Marcus. If you’re going to radically change your life, you might as well radically change your wardrobe as well, right?
Book your FREE 30-Minute consultation now.
Because I’m all about making 2018 the BEST year ever. I want to see you thrive in your highest magnificence. To be the woman you’ve always knew deep down that you could become - with the body, the business, and the life that FREAKING RULES. You deserve to live the life of freedom, of passion, of full engagement that you so desire. You deserve to have the relationship with the man who turns to his friends and says with ultimate pride, “Yeah, I’m with her!” You deserve to have a body that you love, so that when you walk past a mirror you surprise yourself with how freaking fabulous you look. You deserve to have a thriving business that is in total soul-alignment with how you want to live - free, joyous, and absolutely loving what you do.
hat’s where I come in. Together work on the other 95% - your unconscious mind.
We reprogram the bad habits like that Starbucks over-indulgence using Neurolinguistic Programming, Time Line Therapy and Hypnosis. We chuck those limiting beliefs like you’ll never find a guy who adores you, and those fears that you’ll never be able to lose that tummy roll. We dump the junk, clear out the cobwebs of your temple and get you on the fast track to high performance. In six months you’ll look back and say, “I can’t even imagine going back to the way I was.” Just like I do now whenever I look back on my really bad choices in men, and my body bashing and bulimia habits. I don’t even recognize that girl anymore. In fact, I just want to give her a hug and help her get to where I am now FASTER.
Because that’s what a coach does. That’s what investing in yourself does.
There’s really no better investment to make that in yourself. You’re going to be with you for the rest of your life.
Do you want to still be where you are now a year from now? 5 years from now? 10? Why not quantum leap that bullshit and dive right in to truly unleveling your life?
I’m not about playing small. If you want someone to hold your hand and support you in your current habits, work with someone else. I’m here for the people who want TOTAL TRANSFORMATION. I’m here for those who are so done with their old ways that they will DO ANYTHING to stop the pattern now. The broken, confusing “it’s complicated” relationships. The business that is always just squeaking by. The body that never seems to let go of that last 10 pounds.
If you are truly 100% done. Let’s do this.
Because you need more than motivation, you need a coach. Someone who calls you on your crap. Someone who sees how great you can become and who holds you to your Higher, better, Future Self. (You know that woman you’ve always dreamed of becoming.) Someone who supports you in your rise to magnificence. No great leader, athlete, or entrepreneur ever got to greatness without the support. Brendon Burchard has a coach. Michael Jordan had a coach. You want to attain high levels of success…get a coach.
You’ve got to take action now. Book a FREE 30-Minute Breakthrough Call today.
“Knock and the door shall be opened.” But, you’ve got to knock first. You’ve got to invest your energy into knocking. Knocking is the action. Without banging on the door, who’s going to hear what door you need opened? Sign up for a FREE 30-minute Breakthrough call here, and let’s get you where you want to go in 2018, and finish 2017 strong.
Let’s #MakeitReign in 2018…with a whole new wardrobe too!
I don't know about you, but absolutely, freaking LOOOOOOVE running. Like, passionately so. I'd take a good few miles in the breezy chill of October over chocolate cake any day. I fell in love after training for my first marathon back in 2011.
It was the LA Marathon with one of the lowest counts of people crossing the finish line...why? Because it was in a torrential downpour. Over 100 people got hypothermia...in Los Angeles. And I freaking did it. I was so proud. I never was a sports gal growing up (except for dance), so this random love of running sprung totally out of the blue. As my feet were pounding the slick pavement, I saw one sign that kept repeating for all 26.2 miles...
Just Do It.
Yeah, yeah, I know it's the Nike slogan. But, for some reason, around mile 9, it really hit me: just do it. As the sign repeated itself over and over, over the next 16.2 miles, I kept on
I ran right through the finish line, grabbed my medal, snapped a few photos and kept running four more blocks to the restaurant where I was to have my wedding reception. I cancelled the reservation and promptly notified my ex that eve that our wedding wasn't going to happen.
I just did it.
But why do we procrastinate on making the tough choices? On taking the decisive action that our gut tells us to take?
The answer: self-sabotage. And one of the most common forms of self-sabotage is procrastination. It's a fear of pulling the trigger and doing what you intrinsically know what you need to do.
At the time when I was with my ex, I was kicking some serious ass in my career at the time. The first film that I co-wrote, BRO', was in post-production. My Pilates biz was thriving. I had more clients than I could fit into my schedule. But for some reason, I chose to be in a relationship that was not only bad for me, it was downright emotionally and sometimes even physically abusive.
You see, your conscious mind starts to develop all these reasons to avoid DOING what your unconscious mind (your gut, your instinct, your intuition) tells you to do.
"He's a good guy...when he's sober." "He'll change." "In the past few months, it's KIND OF gotten better." "It's a rollercoaster, but I'm learning a lot about myself." "All couples fight, right?"
Any change is scary. Whenever we face the possibility of change, our brains are wired to survive and avoid danger. Change immediately sends fear signals to your mind that trigger the alarms and lead to self-sabotage. So even if you're in an abusive, volatile relationship, if that's something you're used to...maybe you grew up watching your parents argue a lot...your brain is going to associate more with your REASONS that it thinks will keep you "safe" (i.e. Stuck where you are now.)
So you put that change off. You procrastinate. Better the devil you know, right?
Procrastination only pushes your dreams, your true desires, farther away from you. It keeps you safe in your present reality. By associating more with all the reasons why you SHOULD be happy, or you SHOULD stay in your relationship, every day you lose a little bit of your aliveness...a little bit of your power.
It's time to take your power back.
That's why I've created this powerful three-part audio course to help you own your worth, step into your authenticity, and #CROWNyourself.
Click here to download your FREE audio course now.
Imagine how your life would RADICALLY transform if you kicked procrastination to the curb. What would it look like to you if you stopped WAITING for your life to change...and just changed it?
What would your life be like if you JUST DID IT?
Isn't it time you stepped into your power? And just cut out all the extra crap in between - all the stories that you tell yourself as to WHY you can't do what you want to do. All the REASONS that you think are preventing you from being who you want to be and achieving those MASSIVE goals I know you have.
In this three part audio course, I show you how you can cut through all the bullshit. You'll learn how to start transforming your perceptions into what you really want. You'll understand how to shape your language to start leaping you forward instead of limiting you from all that you want. You'll learn the one secret that puts all your power in your hands.
Click here to step into your power now.
I'm so excited to share this with you. And I can't wait to hear about how your life is transforming, once you've stopped the self-sabotage.
Don’t tell my husband, but I’m addicted…to Battlestar Galactica. It would make him far too happy that I’ve converted to the “dark side” and fallen into a special love with this sci-fi series. I could say it’s because of it’s heavy NLP influence - lessons like perception is projection, cause > effect, and the power of the unconscious mind - permeates the show.
But, really, it’s just damn good entertainment.
In one episode, Colonel Tigh, the local drunk, prevents one of Admiral Adamas’s former fighter pilots from killing him. You see, this pilot had been left for dead by Adama on covert mission years ago against the Cylons, and mysteriously returned years later. Turns out he was captured by the Cylons, and, after they wiped out all of humanity (except for the fleet of the Battlestar Galactica), they let this viper pilot go, knowing that he had a vendetta against the Admiral for leaving him behind…for dead. So he tried to kill him.
Thankfully, Colonel Tigh steps out of his drunken stupor and says something that literally got me up off the couch cheering. I’ll paraphrase it here:
“Anger and rage are like alcohol, except you can always reach for it because it’s like a bottle that never runs dry.”
I used to think I wouldn’t know how to survive without being angry. Now, no one looking at me would have thought, “Hey, that’s a pretty angry person.” I usually had (and still have a smile on my face…just now it’s an honest one). I normally held my shit together in public. It was in private, in the quiet of my one-bedroom apartment that I raged - against my body, against myself. I persecuted myself with 10 years of bulimia, body bashing, and in screaming matches with God as to why I couldn’t be perfect. I blamed everyone for my shit - my dad, my bad boyfriends, the asshole who cut me off in traffic - everyone.
And it got me NOWHERE. It only made me more sick…and really, I was mostly sick of myself. Sick of being addicted to anger. But the problem was, I didn't know how to shake it...or live without it.
Negative emotions go directly against one of your unconscious mind's prime directives: to preserve and protect your body.
Anger and stress literally poison your body. It trigger’s your body’s “fight or flight” response. Your adrenal glands flood your body with stress hormones, adrenaline, and cortisol. Anger causes metabolic changes in your gut lining, causing it to secrete toxins causing headaches, digestive issues, depression, high blood pressure, insomnia. The brain shunts blood away from the gut - shutting down your digestive system - and directs it towards the muscles, in preparation for physical exertion. These toxins secrete onto your skin causing skin rashes like eczema. Anger puts you at risk of heart attack and stroke.
Neurotransmitters bathe every cell in your body. So your emotions - what you got going on in your mind - literally sends signals to every cell in your body. So if you’re perpetually angry, raging at the world for…whatever…it literally transforms EVERY SINGLE CELL.
Our bodies are our temples of the Spirit. Anger is like trash in your temple. Take the trash out.
The first step to taking trash out is you have a look at the trash, you have to acknowledge its existence. You have to accept it’s existence before you can get rid of it.
You don't necessarily need to know WHY it's there, but know WHAT you got from it. What do you gain from being angry? That’s where the learning is. The learnings are what cleanse your temple of the trash. Once you’ve got those learnings, there’s no need for the trash to stay there. So you clean it out.
When I did, I felt the most astounding feeling of peace. Never before have I known or felt a peace like that before. I was completely transformed.
It wasn’t until I got certified in Time Line Therapy® that I knew what it felt like to not have anger.
nd I’ve been blessed with an amazing ability to be able to help my clients know that same peace. A peace that comes when you stop accepting the storm as part of your life. We make our own seas, and life can be smoothed sailing or it can be the Perfect stm. It’s your choice.
Ready to make the choice to eliminate anger from your life? Apply here.
ut, I don’t just want to help you get over it. I want to show you a way so that you can get through anger, WHENEVER something else arises in the future that is angering. Why give you the fish, when I can teach you to fish instead?
f you’ve like to know what it would feel like to be free of anger…and to have the tools to eradicate it from your past, present and future, apply here.
look forward to helping you find that inner peace.
A while back, my inbox was a black hole of "important" info and urgency.
I was an executive in a national online startup and we were hustling to get the business off the ground. 4 AM urgent emails filled my inbox, dripping with panic about the website not being perfect or the latest email having copy editing errors. 11 PM emails about new strategies to implement, new marketing tactics to try, where our sales conversions were, and our sales projections. I felt like a madwoman subscribing to every marketing and business building webinar imaginable. I would wake up shaking in the middle of the night wondering if I'd missed something if I'd set the latest sales to funnel up correctly, if I had a typo in tomorrow's social media posts.
Your inbox is a precious space of your energy. It is a direct reflection of what's going on inside you.
And what was going on inside of me was nothing good. I was filled with negative emotions - fear, doubt, frustration. My hair started falling out from stress (not good because I was getting married in a several months). I wanted ease. I wanted clarity. I was freaking tired of feeling the hustle, do-do-do panic. I was good at hustling. I was also really good at hiding my panic, or so I thought.
Then I got my coach's newsletter, asking if we should break up. I was thunderstruck. She was actually telling me to say, "No." Stop doing. Stop listening to 1000 different opinions.
When I realized that, I said, "No more."
No more buying trainings and implementing them halfway. No more subscribing to every Webinar that danced on my Facebook feed. No more subscribing to every new business coach's latest strategy. Period. No more being told to do the things I had to do to change my life and business. I had to pull the trigger and just do it. I unsubscribed from hundreds...seriously, hundreds... of newsletters.
All the answers you need are already inside of you. Sometimes you just need a little personal assistance getting them out. Fortunately I had a coach to guide me, and prevent me from self-destructing with more limiting beliefs.
Stop listening to 1000 different voices telling you what to do and just listen to the most important one. Your own.
But how to you grow out of your current mindset of lack, when you're feeling trapped? How do you tap into that voice inside, when your consciousness is crowded with clutter from input overload? When your current thinking has gotten you to where you are, how do you transform your thinking to the next level without other people.
The answer: choose one.
Especially when you are lacking clarity, the last thing you need is 15 different coaches telling you 15 different opinions. The key is to find the right ONE. The one who taps YOU into your own answers. The one who guides you to finding the best way for YOU. The one who holds you accountable to your highest magnificense + calls you out on any behavior that goes against that.
The only one who is in your way is you. And the only one who can get you to your dreams is also...YOU.
You just have to get in touch with that YOU that is deep inside you. The one that's crying to be heard, because she wants to elevate you to your highest potential. Having a coach...ONE COACH...can radically help expedite the process. The right coach guides you to finding your own answers. The right coach serves to shine a spotlight on the limiting beliefs + negative emotions that are holding you back from your success. The right coach is like a cheerleader, ready to boost you up + let you fly into your own destiny.
If you're interested in tapping into your inner voice...
Let's chat. I only have a few spots left for this month, so hit reply and let us know if you’d like to apply for a spot.
We are really selective on who we choose + these few spots will go quickly.
I’ve been meditating a lot on putting myself at Cause. You see, you always have a choice. Even when you think you don’t have a choice, you have a choice. Just because you don’t like the alternative choices available, doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice.
You can choose to take a stand. And you can choose to fall.
This week I chose to stand up for how I will allow myself and my family to be treated. Over the past three years I’ve cut several people completely out of my life - a partner, several boyfriends, a bridesmaid. They crossed my boundaries.
It sounds selfish, and it was. I totally cop to it. But that’s what boundaries are.
Boundaries are selfish. But, being selfish has got a bad rap.
As a coach of Neurolinguistic Programming, let’s take a look linguistically at what being “selfish” really is. While the term “ish” has had some urban alterations like meaning an issue of a magazine and as a euphemism for “shit” back in the ’90s, as a suffix it’s totally different. The suffix “-ish” means, in the noun selfish, simply “having the characteristics of” self.
Your boundaries ARE a characteristic of your self. They define who you are, and what you will and will not tolerate in your life.
Self-esteem is selfish. Self-worth is selfish. Your choices are selfish, because they define who + what you are. Even if your choices are for charitable causes which could be perceived as being selfless, those choices ultimately determine who you are and thus are a characteristic of you - selfish.
Not sticking up for your boundaries. That’s selfless. Letting people walk all over you. That’s selfless. Being a living breathing doormat and allowing people to treat you poorly. That’s selfless. Because in every one of those cases you think less of yourself. (And so do the people whom you are allowing to treat you poorly) And, also in everyone of those cases, you are also being selfish because thinking less of yourself is a character trait (and a limiting belief) that you have chosen to adopt. Selfish.
One Sunday morning I rolled over in bed and did something unusual, I started scrolling through Facebook. A gut instinct told me to do it. I stumbled across a video that changed me. Picture this…
Combine the gloriousness of all that is Justin Timberlake and a man in a speedo with some serious moves groovin’ gloriously, and I got a killer confidence booster. If he was bold enough to not give a flyin’ leap what anybody thought, I shouldn’t either.
We all have moments where our confidence dips and dwindles. A mean comment. A nasty text. A failing grade. A bad relationship. Some moments last longer than others. After I was bought out of my first online business, I spent two years licking my wounds in my own little corner of surrender and defeat. I questioned my ability to do anything, even the stuff I knew I was good at.
(When you lose your confidence, you question EVERYTHING.)
With every new idea, with every new possibility and opportunity, I questioned whether I could do it. Fear of another failure kept me trapped in a seemingly unending spiral of doubt. Even when I took a step or two forward, I would move three steps back with each fear-based question. Can I do this? Am I good enough? My fear was trying to protect me from getting hurt again.
The problem is, it wasn’t helping improve my confidence and it wasn’t helping me take my dream of Crown Yourself into reality. However, with these three steps (and a dancing man in a speedo, I claimed my confidence again and strutted boldly into my future.
How to Improve Confidence
No.1 Take Responsibility
The first step’s always the hardest. No one can change the way you feel about yourself, except yourself. The reason why you lost your confidence in the first place is you accepted what someone said about you as true. Even though someone else incepted the idea of unworthiness into your beautiful brain, it’s your prob, because you accepted it as true.
You lose confidence by choosing to live by someone else’s definition of who you are.
The consequence is you lose your luster because you question whether you should even be luminous. You made their false perception of you, as true in your mind as it is in theirs. Believe me, we’ve all done it.
So, first, you must accept that you are partly to blame for your confidence loss. It was, after all, you who accepted someone else’s lie as your truth. Own your part. Then move on.
No.2 Take an Assessment
Think of yourself as an anthropologist, assessing a human behavior. Without judgment or derision, ask yourself, “Is their criticism valid?” Is there actually something you need to fix within yourself?
Sometimes there is. Sometimes, there isn’t.
If you got a poor grade on the test, did you actually study? If you’ve continued to gain weight and are losing confidence in yourself because of your body, ask yourself, are you actually eating healthfully (more veggies less processed)? Or, are you exercising? If not, these are habits you have to change. You have to (No. 1) take responsibility for your actions. If your diet is crap, and you’re feeling like crap, you have to take responsibility that no one is putting that crap into your mouth, but yourself.
No.3 Screw Them (No, not literally.)
After your own internal assessment, remember to assess the source of the criticism.
A lot of people project their own feelings of inadequacy onto you. People love pointing blame, to take the blame off of themselves. Politicians seem to be particularly adept at this skill. You know the ol’ saying, "When you point one finger, there are four more pointing back at you."
(There's a reason cliches are cliches...even if they belong in a fortune cookie.)
For two years, I accepted someone else askew definition of me as real. It truly hindered me getting any new project off the ground, because every time I did, someone else's voice would pop into my head saying I was a fraud, or too young, or incompetent, or just plain couldn’t because of some other stupid reason.
It took a while for me to realize that the truth was, I had adopted someone else' limiting beliefs as my own. Once I took responsibility for repeating those lies in my own head (No.1), and took an assessment of his criticisms to see if there truly was anything for me to improve on (No.2) when I realized it was only MY fear and MY limiting beliefs popping up, I said, “Screw it. I’m doing this.”
And my confidence followed suit.
No. 4 Take Action
Taking action is how you prove that our lack of confidence was all an illusion. You need to show your false perception who’s boss. Nobody’s going to do it for you. Nobody else can. You have to act.
Act your way to confidence. You only achieve confidence by taking action.
As soon as you do, Poof! The fear that you couldn’t do it is gone. Whether it was your own dialogue or someone else’s rotating through your head, you just proved it not to be true!
That’s why I loved this video. This dude just took action, not caring what anyone else thought of him. He rocked his mad dance skills and owned his authenticity. It was in the moments of watching a large man gyrating in a speedo that I denounced the lies that I wasn’t worthy of achieving my dreams.
This quirky, joyous viral video made me realize I just needed to just DO. I needed to muster up all my confidence and just dance my dreams out of my head and into reality. I literally danced out of the darkness of my bedroom to the light of my computer screen. It was a beacon, calling me, welcoming me home.
I would so give this man a hug if I saw him on the streets and join him in a gyrating J-T jubilee. Because whether it was the magic of the man, of the song, me, or all three, I saw my need to Crown Myself. To live confidently crowned.
Fast forward a few months later and with "Can't Stop The Feeling" on repeat, and now Crown Yourself is real. In the Olympian worthy, creative battle between Fear vs. me, we can just let the score speak for itself.
Fear: 0. Kimberly: 1. Take that Rio!
Now you give it a try. Let me know in the comments what victory over fear you've recently had as you claim your confidence! What song gets your confidence going? I look forward to hearing from you.
To create anything takes a bold leap of faith into the unknown, trusting that wherever you land will be right where you need to be, to grow, learn, and thrive. Learn more.