A Lesson From Brendon Burchard
with a Queenly Twist.
WAIT, don’t get on your high horse just yet...
You see, for the past 4 days, I had the privilege of taking not only my family, but my private clients, and some of my lucky winners from my group coaching program, The Queens Way, to Phoenix, AZ for Brendon Burchard’s High Performance Academy. You know, New York Times #1 Bestseller Brendon Burchard, bestselling author of The Millionaire Messenger, The Charge, The Motivation Manifesto, and, most recently High Performance Habits.
Yeah, that Brendon Burchard.
Something Brendon said over the weekend really stuck out to me.
There are seven billion people on the planet, and yet, sometimes, we feel like “No one understands us.”
When you get truly micro, no one on the planet has been through exactly the same experiences, exactly the same pains, or has exactly the same story as you. That’s what makes you unique. That’s where your perspective comes in. However, that same tool can be used as a weapon to create a You VS. 7 Billion.
Resigned from the ability to change, with the belief that no one understands you, is the most dangerous place to be in human history because it divides.
It keeps you separate from anyone being able to help you.
“No one understands how hard I work.” Really? Out of 7 billion people on the planet, you’re the one working the hardest? Really?
“You don’t understand, I came from a broken home?” Really? No one in 7 billion people on the planet can understand holding onto hurt from their childhood? Or the pain that comes from feeling neglected?
I have no idea what it feels like to be an African American woman who grew up in foster care. But I do know what it feels like to feel unwanted and hurt. I know what it feels like to be abused. I know what it feels like to feel afraid to speak up. I know what it feels like to want to rage against a belief system of scarcity and competition that held me back.
Understanding does not mean that someone has to go through every, single thing you’ve gone through in order for them to empathize with your pain.
When you believe that “no one understands you,” that puts you in the cage of your own bad thinking, separating you from EVERYONE ELSE. Brendon calls this “The Caged Life.” And because you’re separate from everyone else, you won’t ask for help. Why would you, if you believed NO ONE understood you?
That’s a very slippery psychological slope.
So, my fellow queen, be very attentive to where you believe no one else can understand you. The more circumstantially micro you get, the greater division you create.
In NLP, there is a concept called “chunking.” Chunk up. Chunk Down.
However, as a former bulimic, just the word chunking personally grosses me out. So I call it Zooming Out (chunking up) and Zooming In (chunking down). When you zoom out you get the macro picture. You get that 30,000-foot view of everything going on. You see the entire forest.
You know the cliche, you can’t see the forest from the trees. Well, zooming out helps you see that whole forest.
Do to so, you’re going to ask these three questions:
What is this an example of...?
For what purpose…?
What is the intention of this?
This allows you to go from being mired in the specifics of your situation, to actually being able to relate to people.
Let’s take cars for example.
You may not know what it’s like to drive a 2018 black Audi Q7, but when you zoom out (chunk up), you do know what it’s like to drive a car. Or, if you don’t have your license and have never driven a car, you do know how to transport yourself from place to place with your feet. And therefore, even if you’ve never driven a 2018 black Audi Q7, and even if you’ve never driven a car, you do know what it means to transport yourself from place to place. You do know what it means to be in motion or to move.
When you Zoom In (chunk down), you get to the details, to the specifics. To do so, you’re going to ask questions to get more specific, specifically:
What are examples of this?
What is a component of this?
However, the more detailed and specific you get with any problem, the less agreement you’ll have. So in order to free yourself from the caged life. Chunk up. Zoom out. Because that’s the only way you’ll be able to free yourself so that you can get the help you need.
When you zoom out (chunk up) beyond circumstances, you get to the root emotions. Only there will you find greater understanding and empathy.
And now, for the other 30 lessons from Brendon Burchard.
(Apologies in advance for them being king of all over the place. I thought it’d be better to give you my actual notes rather than 5 deep dives of prose and perception. Who’s with me ;)
A lot of people collect information. Few apply it. Be the few.
It’s your decision to be a hobbyist or a high performer. When you choose the latter, some call that “turning pro.”
If you only take the energy and circumstances that you are given, you don’t become the conscious beautiful person you were made to be. Instead, be a co-creator of your reality.
Professional athletes don’t worry about the spectators when they're in the game. Neither should you.
How many things do you do that you don’t enjoy and you’re waiting for a payoff?
Confidence does not come from knowing it all. Confidence comes from your belief in your ABILITY to figure things out.
Second chances show up every single morning. How can you earn it?
Ambition is the spark of motivation
There is a MASSIVE difference between settling for what is there and raising your ambition, desiring for me.
You pay the “Success Tax,” when you dream big. That tax is having other people criticize your dream. Will you spend 5%, 20% or 70% of your success on the haters? Unlike the IRS, it’s your choice how much you pay into it.
No one is going to grant you permission to believe in yourself.
Momentum and motivation are like the infinity symbol cycling into each other and expanding infinitely.
How can you set up your environment to win?
Happy people look to their pasts in a way that still makes them happy...it’s just how you think about it. No matter how hard it was when you went through it.
Acceptance only comes the moment you stop wishing your past were different. It’s done. It happened. Take the best of what you can learn from it and grow.
If you couldn’t be satisfied with the first 80 miles, you won’t be satisfied with the next 80 miles. Practice gratitude for your past.
Connect better. Spend less time browsing and more time calling.
Plan our the whole year of vacations. Brendon spent 17 weeks in total on vacation and that’s because he attacked his work days with a plan.
One of the most critical factors in competency development is to turn the student from the student to the teacher. Who can you teach what you’ve just learned? (And, yes, I’m doing that right now ;))
Sometimes in our own self-protection, we block out the very thing we crave. Connection.
If you’re a perfectionist, then you care about getting it right, right? Like, actually living the definition of “perfectionist.” You cannot perfect anything until you have released it. Perfection only happens when something is in motion.
Upgrade your ambitions. Sometimes our initiative matches a different time in our life. Is your identity a different age then you are now?
Great leaders are decisive, swift, and bold.
The psychology of fear starts with the ASSUMPTION of pain - pain in the loss of something, pain in the process, or pain from the outcome.
Fear is boring. Drama is boring. Your purpose is bigger than that. Next.
You cannot go to the next level fueling, hydrating, and exercising the way you have been.
Common sense is not always common practice, especially when it comes to our health.
Control the conditions to be as healthy as you can be because nothing pushes your dream farther away than fatigue.
Greatness is a fire. Stay close to the flame.
Humanity could use a little more unity. Share this now to someone who’s feeling like no one understands them.