How to Believe in Yourself

I was jamming with a client this past week and he (yes, I do work with men from time to time), was struggling with his ability to believe in himself. Hey, we’ve all been there at some point in our lives, especially when you feel like you just keep getting hit by the school of hard knocks. Your business is struggling. You’re deep in debt. Your once loving and joyous relationship is barely standing on rocky ground.

These all cause us to question our belief in our ability to figure it out.

So, I asked him, “What’s it going to take for you to believe in yourself?” To which he replied, “I’ll believe in myself when I have success.”

Here’s the problem with that reasoning.

If you’re looking for external circumstances (i.e. having success) to give you the ability to believe in’s probably never gonna happen. If it does, that’s pure random luck. And, usually, people who achieve some medium of success or love or whatever they were seeking as proof to believe in themselves by means of luck, usually lose it. Just ask 99.9% of lottery winners.

Putting success, putting love, putting happiness, putting any state outside of yourself and in the hands of circumstance will never get you what you desire. You must have it inside before your receive it outside.

Why You’re Not Believing in Yourself

No.1 - Its Apples and Oranges

Whatever you’re struggling with, your struggle is NOT you. Your behavior is NOT you. Your behavior is a result of your programming. And, because of your programming, you’re making the wrong association. You’re connecting apples to oranges.

You’re associating your belief in yourself with having success, or money or whatever.  But those two are a complex equivalence. It’s saying A = B. A does not equal B. A = A. B = B.

You just need to shift your belief in yourself to your belief in your ability to figure it out.

Like Marie Forleo says, “Everything is figureoutable.”

You can figure out how to have success. You can figure out how to have love. You can figure out how to have or how to make money.

How do I know? Because you’re alive and reading this! You’ve figured out how to do life thus far.

When have you been able to figure out a solution to a problem? How did you figure out that solution? What did you focus on when you were working on solving that problem?

No.2 - Luck Don’t Last

Like Oprah, I don’t believe in luck. I believe you achieve what you are and you get what you tolerate.

If you happen to “get lucky” and stumble upon some success, love, money - whatever it is that you’re seeking - that’s why, most often, you won’t honor it. Because you didn’t see from within.  

This is where self-sabotage comes in.

Because you don’t believe it or feel it within yourself, you don’t recognize the evidence in your external circumstances. So, when “luck” shows up if in your heart and mind and soul there is somewhere in there that says, “I don’t deserve this,” or “I’m not worthy of this.” Then, because the unconscious mind craves more of the same (ie. congruence), you’re going to fight against the very thing you crave because your mind doesn’t recognize it within itself.

This is why if you don’t love yourself and you’re in a relationship with that perfect partner, you’ll catch yourself starting fights over nothing. This is why people who suddenly get rich quick tend to blow it all. This is why people

And here’s why...

No.3 - You Can’t Spot What You Don’t Got

Your perception is projection, meaning you project what is already inside of you. (If you want the science in that, download my free audio course here).

Have you ever been in a friendship with someone and then all of the sudden, you’re like, “Dang, I never knew how cute he was.” And you start to get all these feelings...all of the sudden. You start saying things to yourself like, “After all these years, how did I not see it?” That’s because something inside you shifted. Because you shifted in the way you perceived yourself - whether it be your beliefs about who you are, your beliefs about relationships, or maybe you just started taking action in a certain way - either way, you changed. And thus everything around you changed as well...including the people in your life.

So, if you’re looking for external circumstances to show you success, but you don’t believe it inside yourself when some tiny droplets of success come your way, you won’t recognize them.

How to Believe in Yourself Again

No.1 - Check Yo’Self Before You Wreck Yo’Self

“Men {and women, I might add} are anxious to improve their circumstances, but are unwilling to improve themselves; they, therefore, remain bound. The man who does not shrink from self-crucifixion can never fail to accomplish the object upon which his heart is set.” ~James Allen

You first have to start with awareness. What area of your life do you need to start being more aware of? Your finances? Your body? Your marriage? Whatever it is that has been nagging at you, like a shard of glass in your foot.

Then, get a baseline. How have you been thinking about that worry? What negative emotions have you been attaching to that? What new perspective could you adopt to think about that situation differently?

How have you been able to figure out a problem like this in the past? Or, do you know anyone who’s had a similar problem and has solved it? How?

No.2 - Change the Limiting Beliefs About Yourself

Now, this can take some time, like months, even years because you’re reprogramming your old story. And how many years have you been alive on this planet replaying that same story and those same limiting beliefs?

Or it can take a few hours if you work with me privately in an 8-hours breakthrough session, using Time Line Therapy®, hypnosis, and Neuro-Linguistic Programming. Click here to apply if you want to speed up the process.

Up to you.

No.3 - Be Grateful for the Little Things

Show gratitude for all the things…all the things. Even those tiny little wins. You got up this morning without hitting snooze. VICTORY! You made two more phone calls to prospects than you had in the last week. VICTORY! You went to the gym...finally. VICTORY! You managed to eek out a “please” and a “thank you” when you were asking your partner to do something for you. VICTORY.

The closer you are to the source of gratitude the more you’ll be gifted to be grateful for.

Help three people who need to believe in themselves a little more. Share this with them with a note of gratitude now.