Creativity is really safe when it is in the confines of your laptop, right?
As you know, I made my commitment, I would be finished with this book by Summer. Summer is nearly here.
And I am much closer, far closer - 76,000 words.
Between 200-354 pages.
Now I’m just filling in the gaps, connecting the dots between the Virginia Woolf stream of consciousness stories, analogies, and metaphors to the meaning, the meat, the action steps of personal development...
That make this book a literal handbook for reprogramming your mind around food.
And I go deep - into the fears, frustrations, programming, patterns, myths, trends, and collective issues as a whole that one by one we MUST reshape around our perceptions of what and how we eat and how we perceptive our bodies.
It is an outpouring of the ten years of pain and frustration that I had figuring out HTF was I going to heal from an eating disorder. How did I need to start thinking about myself? And how do I think about myself now?
When you experience a transformation on that level...
Maybe you completely shifted and changed your careers...
Maybe you freed yourself from an abusive relationship...
Maybe you launched a business and grew it when everyone else thought you were crazy...
Whatever it is, you look back on that season in your life when you were in the muck of it like it’s an entirely different person.
You almost don’t recognize yourself back then because you worked so dang hard to create this new person, the amazing glorious person you are today.
That’s how it feels writing this book.
It’s going back in, tapping into the scared, ashamed, self-destructive teenage girl, who just wanted to feel accepted, loved, valued and have her worth validated by someone...anyone...
It’s pouring through journals of blame and shame and finding the nuggets of growth - the seeds in which development, new thought patterns, and new programming began to emerge - and then nurturing the heck out of them.
And it’s then taking that girl...
Who was so scared to be herself...
So scared to put herself out there without a mask on...
So afraid of her own power because she was constantly told that “no one will be able to handle you”....
And pushing her centerstage naked and vulnerable, saying “This was me."
This was me abusing myself with my own hand as I shoved it down my throat. This was me ashamed of her family and trying to lie and pretend everything was “okay.” This was me blaming the world, my dad, anyone who I could shake a finger at, just because I didn’t want to look at the four pointing back at me.
It’s not a sexy portrait.
It’s vulnerable AF.
While I am no longer that girl, while I have wildly and completely transformed...
I now see how that girl - scared, doubting herself, constantly trying to self-sabotage - has been a part of me on this journey to complete this book.
I’ve been scared to release it.
Totally doubting and questioning my ability to do this.
And self-sabotaging by going off on tangents while writing the book where I constantly have to redirect myself paragraphs in asking, “What book am I actually writing?” Is this “Mind-FULL meals or is this another thing?”
That’s why I had to push myself into the complete realm of discomfort and pour out a chapter on of this book onto the podcast.
Because now it’s out there.
Putting your creativity out there is the ONLY way to free yourself of the identity of the past, from the crappy inner critic, from the self-doubt, from the ego, from the fear.
Like Gladiator, you challenge Fear to come down off your throne and meet you in the arena.
And you duke it out...
You push through with discipline and fortitude.
You take your fingertips to the keys and attack, word after word after word.
You swing the sword of your soul at the Fear and show that b*tch who you are.
You are powerful.
You are stronger than you think.
You are mightier than you believe.
And you are totally capable of figuring it out in the moment, moment by moment, swing after swing, word after word, till victory.
Say it with me: I AM VICTORIOUS.
And if you’d like to jump on the early bird train of “Mind-FULL Meals: How to Dethrone Food Fears and Reign a Body that Rules” then click here to pre-order your copy.
Step into the arena with me to dethrone your food fears and cleanse your palace (aka brain space ) that your body image has taken up in the past now.
If you know someone who is struggling with their own creative process or body image issues, share this with them.