Sensual Pleasure Gets Better with Age with Laurie Handlers
Please enjoy this transcript of the Crown Yourself Podcast, with author & speaker, Laurie Handlers [@laurie.handlers] and, your host, transformational story coach, Kimberly Spencer (@Kimberly.Spencer)
Connect with Laurie Handlers
WEBSITE https://lauriehandlers.com/
SOCIAL MEDIA LINKS
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/laurie.handlers/
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/laurie.handlers/
TWITTER: https://x.com/LaurieHandlers
YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/@extraordinarylovers
In this episode of the "Crown Yourself" podcast, hosted by Kimberly Spencer, the discussion centers on relationships, communication, and the journey of marriage later in life. Author & speaker, Laurie Handlers shares a unique marriage proposal story, emphasizing the importance of self-love, clear communication, and understanding gender differences in relationships. The conversation explores the challenges successful women face in balancing career and personal life, the significance of setting boundaries, and the need for practical relationship skills. The episode encourages listeners to embrace new experiences, prioritize self-awareness, and foster deeper connections with their partners, regardless of age.
*Transcripts may contain typos. We do our best to catch any human or robot errors prior to release. And we thank you in advance for your understanding. Enjoy!
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We good? Great. Let's get to the goods.
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PODCAST TRANSCRIPT
Laurie Handlers 00:00:00 Date your species. So if you're monogamous, date monogamous people. If you're polyamorous, date polyamorous people. If you're gay, date gay people. If you're trans, date whoever you want to date, but don't try to take somebody who isn't that thing. Whatever it is that you that you're purporting to be, and try to make them into that.
Kimberly Spencer 00:00:25 Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body, and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself. Com and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, known to my clients as a game changer. Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too, can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Glory.
Kimberly Spencer 00:01:08 Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast. I could not think of anyone better to dive in then the choice to get married at 75. Were you 75 when you made that choice?
Laurie Handlers 00:01:23 no, I was 73 when I made the choice. I said yes at a wedding in Austin, Texas when I was 73, and but I didn't really take it seriously, I didn't think. I mean, he asked me and I thought he was kind of joking that I could call it a porta potty. So, I mean, how could I take it seriously? I wasn't out to the audience, but. Wait.
Kimberly Spencer 00:01:58 You were in the border body or he was imported.
Laurie Handlers 00:02:00 So we were at a wedding in Austin, Texas. It was on one of those big spreads, you know, like a ranch type place. And, it had very fancy porta potties. They were wood. And they were that mirrors. They had heaters in them. I mean, it was they were nice. I couldn't open the door. So I said, Michael, I can't get into the porta potty.
Laurie Handlers 00:02:22 Can you help me? So he opened the door and slid in. So then I was in the porta potty. I was peeing, and he said to me, didn't you really think their vows were amazing? And I said, yeah. And he said, no, I really could. I could live inside the vows that they that they took. And I said it was two very good friends of ours, Alexa and Jordan. And, he said they were amazing. Don't you think we could live inside of those vows? And I started thinking, oh, what? Is he getting out of here? Because we had an agreement to that we were never getting married. And then he said, so would you marry me? And I went, what? I'm paying. And he said, yeah, I'm asking you to marry me. So I said, yes. Okay. Like, what am I going to. You know, so then I said, can I keep peeing now? And so that was it.
Laurie Handlers 00:03:27 That was the proposal. And so I didn't really take it seriously for the first year. I didn't we didn't get a ring. I didn't, you know, I told people, but and then people started asking me, like, my manicurist, where's the ring? You know, she'd been doing my nails and she'd go like, where's the ring? And I'd go, oh my God, I'm getting pressure. I don't have relatives, my parents are not alive, and I don't have a lot of other, you know, cousins and whatever. So no, don't. My sister wasn't pressuring me. Nobody but my friends were like, are you going to take action on this? So about a year into it, I started to take it seriously. And then I then a friend of mine said, you know, if you're really getting married, I'll plan your wedding for you. And my friend just took over and she planned everything, so yeah, then we did it. So I was 75 when we did it.
Kimberly Spencer 00:04:18 How long is it?
Laurie Handlers 00:04:20 It was crazy. Two things I feel like one, I'm setting a precedent that people can do new things when they're older. Like different things. Things they haven't done before. Getting married for me was something I hadn't done before. And two, that you should wait a long time to get to know the person that you that you're relating to. We at this point, we've been together ten years and I just said we're still newlyweds.
Kimberly Spencer 00:04:47 Oh, I love that. Yeah. I mean, and you've been in the sex and relationship industry like supporting people in healing their sexuality and navigating their relationships for 25 years. So you've been doing this for a long time. What's the the originality of a the proposal and a portability, and it's just one of the best stories and the originality of how you do what you do in your relationships. Is that something that you see most couples struggle with is they're trying to follow these boxed in rules that other people created that they never said?
Laurie Handlers 00:05:29 Yes and no.
Laurie Handlers 00:05:30 I feel like they're trying to live up to some dream, and there's a standard like, they should know how to do this. So I feel like the fallacy starts when we're really young, especially if people have watched World Disney, then they think that there's the women think that they're Cinderella, and the men think that they're the prince. And if they're if they're same sex marriage is one does it anyway. Like they they still fall into those those cartoons that we saw. And the prince didn't have any skills. He couldn't even find the foot. So he didn't have communication skills for sure. Nobody talked about sex. So what I find the biggest problem is they find themselves being different. They find themselves arguing, they find themselves having some different values or maybe different political, feelings, whatever it is. Or they have a kid. You have two. Yeah. So. So they have a child. And all of a sudden the field changes like the the playing field changes and they don't know what to do.
Laurie Handlers 00:06:34 They never learned what to do in the first place. They didn't like. My biggest gripe is we learn algebra, geometry, Earth science. And we don't learn communication skills like how to talk to someone we love when we get out of high school and college. I know had I knew how to speak French, I'm learning how to speak Spanish, but I never studied. How do I communicate to my love, the love of my life, the most important person?
Kimberly Spencer 00:07:05 Yeah, that determines 90% of your happiness, basically, whoever you choose.
Laurie Handlers 00:07:10 So I say its happily ever after. My ass. Like, I don't know. What does that even mean? But people are ashamed. So the biggest. So the other biggest problem is that they don't want to come for help. One wants to calm, the other one doesn't want to come because they're ashamed. They feel like they should be able to handle this, like on their own. What prepared them to do that? What prepared us? Any couple to handle it? Nothing I know of.
Kimberly Spencer 00:07:37 What is the difference between what you do and like? What a like a relational therapist as, in the traditional clinical sense.
Laurie Handlers 00:07:46 You know, I only know because I've I heard from my clients. I just was on the phone this week with, two people, actually three different couples, and they all said that the therapist said to them, you need to establish a date night. And they said if they heard date night one more time, like that wasn't getting it, that wasn't solving what they needed to solve. So I don't know. I don't know what they tell them. I think they work with them therapeutically, like they listen and then they might make suggestions. So first of all, Michael and I offer them a whole program. We don't necessarily sit and listen to their problems. They don't. They fill out a sheet before they come to our workshop. But until we read to see where they're not getting along, but we give them a program, we offer it and we focus on three aspects of the person.
Laurie Handlers 00:08:46 And then we also focus on three aspects of the relationship. So the first thing is self-love. how can I love you if I don't love myself? Oh, how do I? I need to love you from a full well. I can't love you from trying to fill my well. Because then I never trust whether you really love me or not or I really love you. I mean, it's a whole thing. So the first part of the program is self-love. Like, what is my love language to myself? It's completely different from what my love language is, what I want from somebody else to love of the other. Like, how do I love you? How do you want to be related to how do you want to be loved? And three love that manifests. We set our relationship to a higher purpose, not just you and me as the world, babe, but if we could produce anything out of this relationship, Maybe it's children, but also what else? What other thing are we standing for in the world? I don't know, something I learned like back in the day and landmarks like what is my life purpose and what is our relationship purpose? So those are the three things we focus on.
Laurie Handlers 00:10:03 And then we focus on fearless communication, exquisite touch. We do things like return to love formula. We do something called seduction as a team sport. I mean, we have I love it. Yeah, we have all these cool things that that we run the couples through so that they have they're armed with like new stuff like. Oh, and then we give them follow up sessions so they'll come to, let's say a weekend with us, and then we give them a bunch of integration sessions and they come and they go, okay, we tried this thing. It didn't work. What were we missing? And so we really give them a whole new skill set. And some of them might know nonviolent communication, because we talk a lot about speaking so that the other person can hear, but we have to sometimes interrupt it, like right in the also, there's some funny things I'll just say to you. I'll give you a couple of examples. Women need connection to want to have sex. Men need sex to have connection.
Laurie Handlers 00:11:15 It's a cosmic joke. Right. Another one. Men take about one minute to be aroused and want to be touched directly on their genitals. And they also like to go fast because that feels good to men. Women take almost 40 minutes to get aroused. They have to be aroused to hear. They have to be aroused through here and then they have to be aroused through touch. So one of them is in a hurry and the other one is trying to slow down a cosmic joke. So those are just a couple of the things that, you know, women say, oh, he just wanted to get in my pants. That guy just wanted to get well, actually, he wanted to get connected. Men through show love and penetrate through penetration. And women show love through penetration from their chat. From their heart, from their breasts. So it's like the two ships can pass in the night. And both of the genders are making each other wrong for the, for the way the other gender is doing it.
Laurie Handlers 00:12:23 And there's nothing to be made wrong. It's just it really is part of our biology. And it's. And no one explains this to us. Nowhere do they teach us in sex ed. This is what happens for those in male bodies. And this is what happens for those in female bodies. So we're left to try to figure it out on our own and some of the things we make up about it, like all the women who are making men wrong for this. Yeah, I'm not talking about patriarchy here. That's a whole political thing. But just in the gender, they don't know any better. This is the way their mechanics works. This is the way their biology works. You can't make something wrong for that.
Kimberly Spencer 00:13:04 Yeah, that's.
Laurie Handlers 00:13:05 Like saying, okay, I'm wrong because I have blonde hair now and you have brown hair now. I started with brown hair. Would you make me wrong? You know, like my eyes are hazel blue. Am I wrong? Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 00:13:20 So that's biological building.
Laurie Handlers 00:13:22 Exactly. So those are some of the things we talk about. And we unravel these things to people on there. They're astounded, like, oh, my God, I never thought of that. Oh. Maybe I should stop picking on him. Or I should stop picking on her for the way it just is. Yeah. So those are the things we cover. I don't think they cover that. A traditional marriage of family counseling.
Kimberly Spencer 00:13:48 I don't know, because they didn't go through traditional marriage or family counseling. I can say that. But I do know that, like, I love that you talk about fearless communication, because that was my experiment with my husband on going successfully 12 years later was he was the first person I was so radically honest with because I literally manifested him two hours after I said a prayer to the universe and I said, God, all I want is to be fully authentic and to travel. And this, like, guy with long hair saunters up to me in a bar and asks if I'm single.
Kimberly Spencer 00:14:20 And I said, and I was like, well, this is interesting. he's interesting. So I said, I'm actually. And it's complicated because I was still with somebody at that time, and it was the on off thing, and he was like, great, I'm not barking up the wrong tree. Let's grab a drink. And I was like, okay. And the more we talk, the more I was like, you know what? I'm going to share with him? everything you're not supposed to talk about on a first meeting with the person, because there's all the supposed TOS and whatnot. So the foundation of my relationship with my husband was always started on radical candor, and it's worked so far 12 years into my experiment. But it was just in sharing everything and being very fearless and open and sharing about feelings and questions and doubts and fears and all the things, and being able to be trusting in that space. When you look at a couple's communication, how often do they placate to the other person out of fear or a doubt or the desire to people please? Is that a majority of the people that you're seeing that are really struggling?
Laurie Handlers 00:15:22 Well, we kind of have two categories, like we have people who've been married for a really long time.
Laurie Handlers 00:15:27 So we have people who have been married like 21 years and above. They're not placating each other anymore. They're like, help us. We got to do something. Yeah. Or we see people in relatively new relationships who want to start off on the right foot. And they know. They know well, I'm a people pleaser or I'm I don't think I'm lovable or whatever. And everyone thinks they're not lovable. There's every single person that I know thinks they're not lovable. So that's very common. So we when we said fearless communication, we teach a system and rituals that enable a couple to sit down and say the unsayable. So you say you started out with the unsayable like you just you didn't. You figured I figured you figured at that point you didn't have anything to lose your relationship. You're in a relationship. It's off again. You meet a guy, he's like, hey, are you available when you go, okay, let me try this experiment. I'm just going to say it all and see if it's like throwing spaghetti to the wall.
Laurie Handlers 00:16:35 That's So that's the that's.
Kimberly Spencer 00:16:37 The V of the.
Laurie Handlers 00:16:38 Sticks. Let's see if the sticks. Let's see if he likes who I really am which I have many videos by the way, on Instagram where I tell people the worst advice that I've ever heard. And I've you can quote me on this because it's on video. I'm not making this of the worst advice I have ever heard is don't tell who you are to a new person, especially a new person that's a potential lover. Like somehow pad, you know, only show your good side to the new person. No, I don't agree with that. That you want them to fall in love with authentically who you are. You don't want to hide anything that ten years later you say, you know, honey, I know this mask I've been wearing for the past ten years is really it's not effective anymore. I'm taking it off and I'm going to show you the truth. Like whoever I am and the truth, whoever you are, is not that bad.
Laurie Handlers 00:17:35 you know everybody has everything in them. So let them fall in love with who you really are. So show them that. I also say to set boundaries right away. So to say no sooner than you mean it. So for example, I taught this long ago, I used to teach assertiveness training for women and assertiveness training for men in the, I don't know, 70s. And I used to say if you meet someone new, say no to, to a few things that you would normally say yes to, like stand up for the movies. Now, you want to go out to dinner next week? No. And then because if you're going to have a relationship, you both survived. No. Then when you really have to say no to something like no, we can't afford a new car right now that no one dies. They heard no, no was built in. So there are boundaries in my relationship. Michael was the first one to set boundaries. He said to me, if we have sex, don't expect to stay at my place for me to stay at your place.
Laurie Handlers 00:18:42 And I said, I thought it was weird, but I went, okay. Like who cares? Yeah. So I said, okay. And then he said something. Oh, he said, if we ever have been intimate, this is all before intimacy was on. If we ever have been intimate, don't expect that I will ever take a shower with you. And I'm like, this is really weird. Why is he even talking about this? And he said, because water is my conserving water is my most important environmental value. And I just went, okay. So anyway, six months into the relationship now, we were already having sex and we were very connected. He says to me, can I stay over? I said, excuse me. You know.
Kimberly Spencer 00:19:25 The.
Laurie Handlers 00:19:27 Day over. He said, you don't want to stay over. Sleep is more important to you. And he said, I know, but you didn't try to manipulate me off of the things that I said were my boundaries.
Laurie Handlers 00:19:39 So I can trust you. So now I can stay over.
Kimberly Spencer 00:19:44 Isn't that amazing how boundaries work, like all the games that people play in relationships? And this was something like when I because my husband's 19 years older than I am. And so when we first started dating and I found myself like falling in love, and I knew that he had been previously married and his previous marriage, he had decided they had decided not that they weren't going to have kids. And I was like, well, this is a non-negotiable and this is my boundary. And he was like, yeah, with you I could see having kids. So I said, great, let's name them. So we named all four. Not that I'm having all four, but we cap it at three. But that that was my boundary of like, I didn't want to waste his time. I valued his time. Especially as someone who was older, that I didn't want to waste his time, and I didn't want to waste my time trying to convince someone who didn't want what I wanted.
Laurie Handlers 00:20:37 Exactly. That's the whole point. Why waste your time? You know, there's somebody very famous in my field named Reid Malco. He's the person who created cuddle parties, but he's. Reid is more famous than cuddle parties. Anyway, he says date your species. So if you're monogamous, date monogamous people. If you're polyamorous, date polyamorous people. If you're gay, date gay people. If you're trans, date whoever you want to date, but don't try to take somebody who isn't that thing. Whatever it is that you that you're purporting to be, and try to make them into that. That's like he said that's, that's a failure waiting to happen. So yeah. You told your husband and he, he was like yeah I could see doing that with you. And I'm sure you're inside you. When he said that your heart was like, hey, this guy, he's on my same page. Yeah. I said, I mean, the same thing happened to Michael and myself, and we were going to have sex for the first time.
Laurie Handlers 00:21:41 I said to him, we're going to do this thing because we do rituals. So I was going to make this thing called a bubble, and then we're going to have a conversation about desires, fears, and boundaries. And we're also going to talk about intentions. And so I said my desire, it it jumped out of my mouth. I couldn't believe I said it. I said, I have other lovers in other parts of the world. I want to be with somebody that I can come home to. I travel a lot and I'd like to have somebody close to home that I could count on. And then it came out of my mouth and I was like, oh, should I have said that? And then he, when it was his turn to say desires back, he said to me, I want what you said. I want to have a relationship close to home that I can count on. I can be that for you. Do you think you could be that for me? And then eventually.
Laurie Handlers 00:22:31 And also we said we'd have an open relationship. Then I got bored with anybody else that I was seeing. I didn't actually want to see anybody else. I remember looking at my watch when I was with someone else. And so then he said to me, that's a sign. And then he said to me, are you what are you doing? Are you having a monogamous relationship without telling me? And I said, actually, I'm just bored by the other people that I thought I was interested in. So you're the only person I want to see, and you'll just have to deal with that. And then he, like, he stopped seeing the other people he was seeing, too. And so, like, it all started to come like this. That's what we say when we say we're monogamous.
Kimberly Spencer 00:23:13 Monogamous?
Laurie Handlers 00:23:14 Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 00:23:17 And I think that, you know, it's like you find what works for you with the person who you work with, but it's as long as it's consensual and that there's the those very clear boundaries of what what you desire.
Kimberly Spencer 00:23:28 And I think we're so many people get tripped up is when they desire something that there's too scared to express of their partner, and so they go out and seek it out elsewhere thinking that, you know, because there's also the especially for entrepreneurs. And we have many high level entrepreneurs who listen to this show, those entrepreneurs who get their jollies from the excitement of starting something new, which sometimes doesn't always translate well in their relationships.
Laurie Handlers 00:23:52 Correct? So correct. It's true. Yeah. There are people who who like to starting things. Anyway, that's the story of us. I mean, there's so much more, but we this is how we work with couples. We give them real skills that they can work with. We like to say either you're stuck in arguing like the same argument over and over and over and over again, and you can't stop yourselves because that's what you saw in your own home when you were growing up, or you saw it in the movies. I always think of that movie, The Roses, battle of the roses, Oh, yeah.
Laurie Handlers 00:24:26 There's so many ways that couples argue. Like, you know, Walt Disney didn't give people a way out. Or things change when you have a child or things change when you go through menopause or things change when when when when when you when you sell a house and go to a new location or whatever. Things change and it puts pressure on people. But there are things we've seen. We've seen couples keep score on each other. We've seen couples have like out and out, like shouting matches, brawls, you know, in the middle. We've seen couples argue all night and, you know, those are all very common. And we say that's ordinary. And and we then we call our course extraordinary lovers. So and it only takes a little extra to be extraordinary. It doesn't take like revamping your whole personality. It doesn't take being in therapy for years. It just takes being consciously aware of how you want to be related to and what your partner and how your partner says they want to be related to.
Laurie Handlers 00:25:27 And anyone can do it. It's it's easy.
Kimberly Spencer 00:25:30 Do you find that truth is like the entryway to opening up greater magic in the relationship, and also the magic of sexual and intercourse?
Laurie Handlers 00:25:41 Yes, both. It takes both. I mean, speaking your truth is a really important part of being human. Having the permission. Let your throat chakra be expressed, your creativity, your, expression. And interestingly enough, that is closely tied to your sex area. So if you have a permission to speak your truth, you probably have permission to have great sex. If you have permission to have great sex, you probably have permission to speak your truth. They go hand in hand if one is blocked. It's interesting how the other one gets blocked because sex is so tied to creativity. It's not just creation creating a baby, which is what sex is tied to. That's the miracle of procreation. But sex is also tied to creativity. Like inventing a cell phone and inventing a computer and a microphone, and those head things that you have on and the painting behind you and that I blurred my screen.
Laurie Handlers 00:26:42 All that is creative. And that creative energy is stored where the energies of creation are, which is in the sex. So if something is blocked there this is also blocked. If something is blocked here that's also blocked. And they go in and end being able to speak about sex. When we give couples a formula for how to speak about sex, they're just like, I was so afraid to say anything because their ego, my partner's ego, is so on the line. If I would make one correction a little to the left, a little to the right. Yeah. It's true. I mean because also we don't learn how to talk about sex and we're not, we don't have sex education.
Kimberly Spencer 00:27:28 So yeah we have preventative disease education.
Laurie Handlers 00:27:32 Exactly. Don't get pregnant. Don't get an STI. That's it. Yeah. Just say no.
Kimberly Spencer 00:27:38 Just say no rapping before you tap it. Like here's a here's a banana. Put a condom on it.
Laurie Handlers 00:27:46 I got I was doing a class for teenagers and I gave it, I bought all these colored condoms and there was one that was dayglo.
Laurie Handlers 00:27:54 So they went into my closet to put the condom on the banana, and I heard one of them say he was 15. He said, wow, if I wore this, I would always know where my penis was. But I told that to his parents. It was so cute. Like a condom, I don't know. Anyway, that's it. That's the that's the extent of the education. So being able to talk about it without anyone getting flustered and without somebody's ego going completely down is another skill that we teach. How do you talk about sex?
Kimberly Spencer 00:28:29 Boy, that it is a skill. I mean, I'm trying to like, I wish there was a course on how to do it with children in an appropriate, age appropriate manner to kind of now, because it develops with age as far as the maturity level and understanding it and just being able to see the difference of some kids may be very like, I have one child who I am aware that he will probably be have have a lot of enjoyment in his life.
Kimberly Spencer 00:29:00 But also.
Laurie Handlers 00:29:01 I mean, I was like that. That's how I'd have to be this way. And, my mother was frightened to death. She was sure. I gave a speech recently where I talked about my mother and my grandmother joining forces to have an anti slut campaign, you know, and the anti slut was me. You know like the campaign was on me because they were so afraid and yet I wasn't I didn't take tremendous risks. I was just very precocious. So I wanted to learn everything there was to learn. It was like really exciting to me. Like my body was so excited all the time and they didn't want me to to find out about that. And so they went on this campaign. But I was very responsible, I really was. I didn't, you know, lots of my friends use abortion as their means of birth control. And I didn't do that. I didn't have to do that. I was responsible. So my that is the lecture, Laurie. Responsibility is the ability to respond.
Laurie Handlers 00:30:02 And if you get pregnant, make no mistake, you'll deal with it. That's what he said to me. That's all he had to say. I was not doing it. Oh yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 00:30:12 And I think when it's, there is a level of maturity that kids are coming to. And there's a difference in the generations, obviously, with how they're embracing receiving help for both mental health, physical health, sexual health and and an openness to greater conversations and awareness. What have you noticed generationally in relationships that's shifting from women and men who are your age to the Gen Xers, to the millennials and younger?
Laurie Handlers 00:30:46 There's a lot different. The millennials are all getting married. You know, I don't know if they're in monogamous marriages, but they're there's a big emphasis on marriage. All of the all the millennials I know want to marry. They definitely want to marry. They they had enough of single parent parenting or whatever. Well, I notice I notice a big difference between people over 50 and people under 50. So, you know, I just wrote a new book called It Gets Better with Age.
Laurie Handlers 00:31:16 Yes, happiness. It gets better with age. And I run courses. I run courses on spirituality, sexuality, shamanism all around the world. And when I do a regular course, I have lots of people in their 20s, 30s and 40s. When I run the course for people over 50, I only accept people over 50, and there's a lot of differences that way. Like, I don't know why, you know, Jen this and Jen that, but I do know by this and this 15 over 15 under, people under 50 seem to be, very tense, very trauma aware, very traumatized. There's a lot of victimizing going on. True. And also just uptight about comparisons. Like in my under 50 courses, people are like checking out the other person. All the other women are checking out all the other women, and men are checking out all the other men. Like, how am I measuring up? I don't know. People over 50 don't care. They're just like, what am I going to do with the rest of my life? How am I going to get free and have a fabulous, pleasure filled life now that my kids are grown or they're almost grown, who am I going to spend the rest of my life with if they're single? Lots of couples are coming to those courses also and saying, you know, like, okay, we've made it this far, or this is our third marriage and we want to make it.
Laurie Handlers 00:32:44 It's different that issues the life issues are different. People over 50 don't care how big their tits are necessarily. They're not comparing, you know, like ball sacks or you know, no, literally I mean, they're not they're just not looking and going like I'm less I'm more because I'm good. I said there that they're just there's not. And they also have more permission to speak their truth like they've lived long enough to say it, whatever it is. Yeah. So, my best expression I can tell you is we have a game called Temple Slut. In that game, somebody for seven minutes can can say their boundaries and then put on a blindfold and receive anything else that people could do on their body. And it just lasts for seven minutes. But it could be like the fantasies that you've had your whole life and you could never let yourself do it. And I had some somebody in my first over 50 course say, okay, she came up to the front and said, I don't have any boundaries.
Laurie Handlers 00:33:49 I said, you have to have boundaries. No, I don't have any. They can do whatever they want. And some pretty wild things happened in that seven minutes. And when I'm not going to go into graphic detail. Yeah. When she stood up she was too tough too. And they all scatter. So you don't know who did what. It's. Yeah, it's it's anonymous. She ripped off the blindfold, I went I don't know what I waited for. My whole life I've been waiting for an experience like that. That was great. And I just. I just laughed and laughed and laughed. I mean, she said, it's my life. If I can, I can. I can experience whatever I want. So that's the that's what I notice is different. I have noticed also, you know, I can put it on one group or the other. I can just say that when I first started teaching classes in Tantra, I had people who really wanted to learn. I had people who came sometimes because they thought they were going to learn esoteric sex practices, and it ended up shifting, like their whole life, their whole way of awareness, their whole presence and their whole feeling of body, mind and spirit being connected rather than, oh, I, I'm, I know the Kamasutra, you know, like I don't teach that.
Laurie Handlers 00:35:02 I don't care. And you can see that on a poster. I have.
Kimberly Spencer 00:35:06 The Kama Sutra and pop up.
Laurie Handlers 00:35:09 Yeah. That's great. Yeah. And so what? You know what I mean? Like, okay, you're a gymnast. You could do this.
Kimberly Spencer 00:35:18 There's a lot of ropes that are involved, apparently. And a camel.
Laurie Handlers 00:35:24 But, you know, that stuff kind of doesn't make a difference. What makes the difference is if all your dots are connected. But can you believe that your body is sacred from the neck down? Not that it's some shameful thing to be disowned. So. So if you believe that your body is sacred, then your dots start to connect like body, mind and spirit become one. And that's what people used to come for. And now I feel like people are coming to this courses to heal traumas. And I'm not going to say that traumas don't get healed. They do. But some people are too traumatized and shouldn't come. They need therapy before they come because it's it's a fast canceling that goes on First pushback that goes on when people feel like something that happened in a course, something they were asked to do, opened a trauma, well, we're all traumatized.
Laurie Handlers 00:36:18 So that's what I'm, I'm letting it like if I'm doing transformational work I'm letting go of my limitations, I'm letting go of my traumas, I'm letting go of the past, I'm creating my future. And some people need more help than being able to just transform that. You know, when I first started, you know, there weren't any complaints. Everybody just, like, walked out of the class, like on a layer of clouds. And now there's much more scrutiny. And I'm not saying it's a bad thing, I'm just saying like it's different.
Kimberly Spencer 00:36:54 Yeah. I think, you know, when I was going through my biodynamic breathwork and trauma release certification, that was really about like how to navigate trauma through the body through breath, which is so powerful because his breath is so intimately tied with sex. And but when you're just focusing on breathing, sometimes when you get into that more heavier breathing, which can happen through sex, like that's as a practitioner, I have to know when to back my clients off of that space so that they can, especially if they've had trauma.
Kimberly Spencer 00:37:25 Because sometimes, like I had one client, she we barely even scratched the surface of breathing, like just breathing. And she was so stressed in her body that as soon as she started actually having a full body breath, she started to have a panic attack. And it had to like, release. And so I had to pull her back into just very basic, easy. What I would call easy. But for her was actually very challenging. Was parasympathetic breathing, you know, inhaling, excellent. Longer than you inhale. But the breath and the body, they're so intimately tied, and especially when dealing with anybody who has had significant trauma, like when stuff starts coming up, it can come up fast. And if you're not prepared to physically deal with it because your subconscious mind is running your body. And so if you're opening up the body to be like, okay, I'm going to receive some stuff. The subconscious mind is like, oh, okay, she's ready to process this. That's great.
Kimberly Spencer 00:38:21 Yeah.
Laurie Handlers 00:38:22 Meanwhile, you're like, fuck no, I didn't do that. But it's true. And that happens. So I just say that the generations, the younger generations now are more informed, but they're also more informed about how to, get you if you, if you miss step or whatever. So there's, you know, there's a lot it's this it's we're in a crazy world. We're in very much in a crazy world. We have to really. We have more boundaries. We have more ground rules. We have more, the agreement field is greater. We have to be more trauma informed. There's a lot. There's a lot. Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 00:39:02 So how does sex and happiness get better with age.
Laurie Handlers 00:39:06 Well, first of all, comes to the piece that I said about not being afraid to speak our truth. So there's more permission. There's more permission for pleasure over 50. There's more permission for pleasure. There's more permission to not care about what people think, about what I say or how I am dress, how I want to dress, how I want to be whatever.
Laurie Handlers 00:39:26 I don't care what people think anymore. Didn't you experience me skipping around a room? I loved it and wanted me to. And I was that cycle jacket and faux leather pants. I mean, I was like, oh my God, what an outfit to be skipping in.
Kimberly Spencer 00:39:43 And I couldn't think of a more perfect outfit skipping. And you just needed some tool.
Laurie Handlers 00:39:48 Oh, no, I needed a motorcycle. I thought, oh, so it gets better in that there are things we have to do. Like we have to practice intentional sex. In the book I write about it. To practice intentional sex. And that means, like intending to have sex. Even if we don't have a partner, we have to have sex with ourself, because sex keeps hormones and, peptides and all kinds of things going in the body. So the body needs that kind of stimulation. We need oxytocin. And we may not have a partner. So if we don't have a partner then we have to create oxytocin in ourselves.
Laurie Handlers 00:40:31 So sex is really important. And it can get better because we're not a self-conscious like I like I can go for my pleasure. Now I don't have to worry about what this person thinks about me. And this is before my husband because, like, if I got married at 75, you know, there was like. Five years between 50 and 75. So I, you know, it's like what you said, I decided to just tell the truth. So people over 50 have It's like telling the truth is easier and then saying, I just want pleasure. I just want a one night stand with you, or I just want to see you for sexual reasons. I don't want to be in another relationship or whatever it is, so that helps. Speaking truth, I say to people that they have to break up their routines like they have to do new things. Sometimes when people get older, they think, oh, I have this routine and it feels safe. And in fact, that safety of routine starts to make our minds smaller.
Laurie Handlers 00:41:39 So when, for example, when seniors don't want to get a new phone or they don't want to learn about zoom, or they don't want to learn a new program or what an app is that limits their time on Earth, and that limits their pleasure because they start to feel less equipped. They don't know what young people are talking about. Also, another thing is to have young people in your life, you know, like different age groups in your life, not just hang around like a senior home or something.
Kimberly Spencer 00:42:11 Oh, yes. Yes.
Laurie Handlers 00:42:12 It gets better with age because having sex can get better because we're telling the truth. And it can also. The better. The sexes can also help us stay younger and feel better about ourselves because of the chemicals. Oxytocin. Serotonin. Serotonin. Dopamine. And then I guess it's the feeling of I got nothing to lose. Let me just have all the pleasure I deserve.
Kimberly Spencer 00:42:39 Like the word pleasure. It's like there's such a concept in the entrepreneurial culture of like hustle and work and like there's all these like that have these like hard word negative connotations or at least presuppositions that aren't really necessarily from pleasure, and I have realized that especially those who have experienced trauma, they struggle like I know I did.
Kimberly Spencer 00:43:03 I struggled to receive pleasure to enjoy, just not even sexually, but just life. Like for a little bit, like just from because of experiences. So how do we get back in touch with our pleasure?
Laurie Handlers 00:43:19 These are free. They don't cost anything. They don't break up with us. We touch ourselves. That's first. Homework is to first find out what brings us pleasure. And we can't communicate what brings us pleasure to somebody else unless we know it brings us pleasure. And so we experiment. So we take our bodies into our own hands. It's like, I didn't publish this book, but I have another book coming out. I think I'm just going to publish it sort of as an e-book. It's called Owner's Manual. And, you know, when you get a new car. But yeah, books like this thick, and it tells you everything about your windshield wipers and about your tire pressure. Well, we don't get anything like that when we get a body. So I, I have an owner's manual and it's, it's geared towards the car like these are the headlights you know.
Laurie Handlers 00:44:15 And there's one shield wipers are the eyelashes. And then the heart is like the gears or the steering. And so we learn to operate this. And when we learn to operate this we then can tell somebody else, hey, this feels really good to me. I know this sounds really kinky, but I'd like to be restrained. Or I was thinking about being blindfolded and fed food or whatever it is. And I just think that people who get who are older have more permission. They have more permission to use toys. They're more permission to self-pleasure. They have more permission to speak about it and tell their lasting partner or their new partners I like this. How about you? Do you want to try this? Let's try this. Let's see what. Let's. Let's see what happens. Let's go skinny dipping. You know, in Hawaii. Let's go.
Kimberly Spencer 00:45:11 Liberating. I highly recommend skinny dipping. Yeah.
Laurie Handlers 00:45:14 So the permission for pleasure is it increases with age. And people aren't hustling so much. They still might be in the hustle, but they know what that's like.
Laurie Handlers 00:45:25 And they also know they deserve pleasure. Hopefully they will.
Kimberly Spencer 00:45:29 Hopefully. And I think that there also comes like there's that enjoyment like because creation is the masculine and the feminine energies. And whether that's creation of the business, I think there's a difference between hustle and creative life force. It's like permeating through you as you're moving throughout the business activities of your day. I think that there's a big difference when you're approaching it from creative life force versus this like perception that typically comes from scarcity and need versus from pleasure, desire and abundance.
Laurie Handlers 00:46:06 Yes, I got it. Yes, yes. And it like for some of us, it takes us a while to to actually fully understand this or fully grasp it. And once we do fully grasp it, it's hard to turn it back. Like I was a pleasure is my birthright. It. This is one of my. This is definitely a Laurie ism. Like I say this all the time, if we weren't meant to have pleasure, we would have been born in wood, metal or glass.
Laurie Handlers 00:46:39 Those, like those are natural occurrences on the planet that they don't feel anything. We are born in skin, the largest sensory organ, and we're supposed to feel and we're as much as we're supposed to go, oh, that's hot. When we touch the stove that's on. We're also supposed to be, oh, that's so great. That feels so good. And we don't get enough of that. We get more this and this then we get. But then for some of us, we turn this into pleasure and. You know, there's lots of role plays and scenes and there's spanking involved. So there's lots of things that are pleasurable. And I found out by teaching a course in BDSM that by learning and teaching that, the smallest amount of pain intensifies the greatest amount of pleasure. So it can be in a pleasure sequence, and all of a sudden somebody could, you could agree in advance that somebody's going to pinch you or spank you or do something that causes some pain and in the right moments, combined with the right things.
Laurie Handlers 00:47:52 One ounce of pain can create pleasure off the charts. I don't know why, but the endorphins enhance everything. And in that.
Kimberly Spencer 00:48:01 Tracks. I mean, as someone who's given natural birth twice like very much that there's the pain of the contraction and then the pleasure and the release of the endorphins as the baby is coming through. So, I mean, that makes sense to me as to why, like, our bodies can be built in that way, though I won't say it's my new amount of pain, but it's a very it's a different kind of pain. It's it's one that's it's intimately tied with the pleasure and also the creation, like the full act of creation. Yeah. Coming through. So it makes sense that in the act of creation, I like that a little bit of pain can actually stimulate a greater amount of pleasure.
Laurie Handlers 00:48:48 It can. It's amazing. So that's a little known factoid. The only people who know really about that are people who are into kink. And, you know, it's a well-kept secret.
Laurie Handlers 00:48:58 It's like fashionable now, like lots of fashions have collars and things, but I don't know how much people are really into it. I just know that I've seen a room of 60 people really into it, and I can tell you that they're in ecstasy and there's some pain happening.
Kimberly Spencer 00:49:16 What do you find people are most ashamed about when it comes to their sexuality?
Laurie Handlers 00:49:22 Oh, God.
Kimberly Spencer 00:49:23 Everything is.
Laurie Handlers 00:49:24 Yeah. Well, you know, it just depends on where people grow up. It depends on the generation they grew up in, in the decade, what was being talked about. But people are basically girl children are embarrassed to have a body and to have breasts that grew and to have menstruation, like have blood. All these things are embarrassing, especially if the parent or parents never said anything I like. I have circles filled with women who who say that they were never told anything. They thought they were dying like they started bleeding and then they no one ever told them anything about it. So then they rushed home and they said, mom, I'm dying.
Laurie Handlers 00:50:04 That's really my dad. Imagine. I cannot imagine, but I can tell you, like, I know many, many, many people that this happened to. So that's one thing. So there's an embarrassment. It also depends if you were a girl and you had brothers, so they might have protected you, but they also made fun of like your of the growing body. So female children are often embarrassed to have a body at all that people look at it. I had a woman from an Arab country who who said who had huge breasts, and she said, these grew up before I did, and they determined that I would live and wear a tent, live in and wear a tent from the for the rest of my life. Of course she threw that off by the time she met me. But she said like I hated having a body and I hated having breasts because they determined the course of my life. That's pretty intense. And then for those in male bodies, I'd say that they feel when they start spontaneously ejaculating, like they don't know what happened, especially if no one's told them about that.
Laurie Handlers 00:51:19 So they think also something's wrong with them. Like what does happen to me happens usually in the night. Yeah, they get embarrassed in school. If they have to stand up and read, they get erections and then they don't. No one told them anything about it. So their body is doing these things that they didn't tell it to do. And then, older like adult men feel because there's been so much pushback against men, anger towards men, anger towards the patriarchy, lots of feminism movements. Kind of like putting men down. Men are embarrassed to get erections. Like if they're walking down the street and they see somebody, it's usually a visual thing for men. They see somebody who's really attractive to them. Their body has a physical reaction and they want to hide that. I know men who have worn over shirts and long coats, just because they've got so much arousal in their lives that they had to hide that. Now, we don't see that in football players or basketball players or whatever we see.
Laurie Handlers 00:52:27 We see male prowess. But your average human has shame about having a body. And then there's shame about the thoughts, you know, fantasies, thoughts that they have when they see others and they're attracted to them. There's so much because we're not taught to talk about it. So it's all, you know, and based on religion. So it's all, you know, it's all squashed down. And when it comes out, it seems a bit overwhelming for some people, like, oh my God, I'm allowed to be a sexual being. Yeah you are. And this is how you got here. I mean, that's you're not supposed to just know everything on like the night that you're making a baby.
Kimberly Spencer 00:53:11 Yeah.
Laurie Handlers 00:53:12 Yeah, it's.
Kimberly Spencer 00:53:13 I think the level of just education but also acceptance of like the body develops like I remember just the comments that I would get, especially because I was an early developer and both from young girls and from my dad, that were just like, pointing out things that I was just like, that makes me uncomfortable.
Kimberly Spencer 00:53:33 But I didn't like. I didn't understand how to read my body, and thus I didn't like my body because I had a curvier body. I did wondered why I wasn't born as, like, a stick figure. and thus ten years of bulimia thus ensued. No example, but I thank God I've come to a point where I like love my body, I love my curves. I'm like, this body birthed a few humans. It's a temple. It's it's sacred. Yes, but it took a turning point of being. And the thing that turned the corner for me was understanding tangible, tactile feeling and being able to feel myself again. Like, truly just feel. And I love how you say the hands are so powerful and they're free, but like, not even like it doesn't even have to be feeling anywhere in your genitals. It can just be like having your hands on your chest and being able to feel your body in the touch. And because. And then I would explore for myself when I was in my own healing journey of like, oh my gosh, I don't like it when I touch my hips because that's that or that's bigger.
Kimberly Spencer 00:54:37 And I would allow myself to just notice the thoughts that come up, came up as my hands touched my body. And that was a powerful awareness to just look at the shame that was stored inside this temple. And I think that, you know, if we could all clean out that shame, we'd all be making a lot more money, because shame is intimately tied with your ability to make income.
Laurie Handlers 00:54:58 Well, it's amazing when you say that to me. Shame is a constructed. It isn't a true expression of emotion. It is constructed for control. So it's either constructed by the government or it's constructed by the church, or it's constructed by the parents. Shame like. And the way I look at it is this, I mean, I've, I consider my job on the planet to be to eradicate fear, guilt and shame around having a body. So I had a golden retriever, and when I moved from one home to another, I lived in LA. Then I moved into a brand new condo, a brand new carpet, brand new everything.
Laurie Handlers 00:55:39 And we got there in the dog. Just mess the whole carpet. Day one he just made tracks, marks of both sorts on my carpet and I, I remember I was going to work, I worked in corporate then and I called a friend and I said, you have to come over and take this broom out of my hand because I'm going to kill this dog. And my friend came over and he took the broom out of my hand and he said, calm down. You know, this can all be cleaned. And I was like, yeah, sure. That's gonna it was like the the vertical blinds and the carpet and the oh, everything brand new. I was living there. This was day two. Oh, God. And what happened after he took the broom out of my hand was my dog saw a Frisbee, and he ran to get that Frisbee, and he came with the frisbee. Come on, man, let's play. Like he had no shame. None. And I said, well, dogs don't have shame.
Laurie Handlers 00:56:36 Why do people have carried this for 3540 years. Why am I ashamed that I got breasts and I'm carrying this for half of my life? The dog carried the carry on my old place. For one second. He saw a Frisbee. It was over. So I know that that's a manmade constructed control mechanism. And that's what shame is about. I don't I don't see shame as anything healthy. Some people talk about healthy shame. I think that's more remorse or regret. Like if I hurt somebody, then I feel bad about it. I have remorse and I have regret, but I'm not ashamed. To me, that's not even a real emotion. I try to have people like root that out, like root it out of the horses don't have it, dogs don't have it. Cats don't have it. They just do whatever they want. And. And if you punish them, they're punished for one second.
Kimberly Spencer 00:57:31 Yeah. Until, I mean, you can think of a dog that's been abused and traumatized, Then that's a different story.
Laurie Handlers 00:57:38 Just like.
Kimberly Spencer 00:57:38 Us. Just like us.
Laurie Handlers 00:57:41 Just like us. Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 00:57:43 Yeah. Just like human.
Laurie Handlers 00:57:45 Story. Exactly.
Kimberly Spencer 00:57:47 Lori, I have loved our conversation and just the transformative work that you're doing for people and the planet and uprooting and eradicating shame and guilt. It is it is noble. And I am so excited to that. More people just from hearing this interview, if you were to give two things that you would wish that people would do something tactical and tangible that they could do to eradicate shame or experience more pleasure, what would you recommend?
Laurie Handlers 00:58:19 Well, I'd like to say that my whole practice is based on breath, sound and movement. So I would tell them to breathe like you talked about earlier, and to consciously breathe, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the mouth and seeing what that feels like, getting in touch with their feelings and their emotions through breathing, rather than stopping and holding the breath. Making sound. Making sound. Maybe touching themselves and making sound when they feel pleasure and then making sound when they feel pleasure, when they're with another person.
Laurie Handlers 00:58:51 And moving, like moving the body like movement is life. Moving the body as often as possible in any way, like getting up from the desk and walking. Or for me, it's like right now in Arizona, it's jumping in the pool. which I feel as soon as we've finished. But breath, sound and movement, it's the easiest thing, and it's what makes us alive. so that for sure, I would also tell them to read my books. You know, like, they could get my books are filled with. It's just like you and me talking, and they're filled with tips, call outs on, you know, I say, how can you tell somebody to bring you pleasure if you don't even know what pleases you. The people partners are flying blind. They don't know what to do. They just. They're making it up as they go along. So tell them that given the owner's mental manual, that's what exactly? Yeah. And, you know, I want to just let me say one other thing, and that is that I do work with corporate people.
Laurie Handlers 00:59:57 I work with people I work with, with successful women who haven't thought about what's going to happen when they retire, when they're not, like, married to the corporation, and also to who have to be in the masculine, like all day long, like we do when we're working. We have to be in our masculine polarity. How do I switch into my feminine polarity? How do I spice my life up if I'm this all day? So I have to shift gears? So I do work with that. And I and I work with our corporate men in marriages and in relationships who, like, haven't spent that much time looking at them. They're mostly spending on the corporation, so there's a whole lot of connection between sexuality and business and happiness and all of it.
Kimberly Spencer 01:00:45 So yeah, and it's possible to have to have it all.
Laurie Handlers 01:00:51 Yes it is.
Kimberly Spencer 01:00:53 To have the joy and the pleasure and all without neglecting one for the other.
Laurie Handlers 01:00:58 Exactly.
Kimberly Spencer 01:00:59 So, Laura, I'd love to switch into a little bit of rapid fire.
Kimberly Spencer 01:01:03 Ready?
Laurie Handlers 01:01:03 Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 01:01:04 Who is your favorite female character in a book or a movie and why?
Laurie Handlers 01:01:08 Oh my goodness. The one that comes to mind is Scarlett O'Hara. I remember.
Kimberly Spencer 01:01:16 Everyone thought that.
Laurie Handlers 01:01:17 They neither. I can't, but I will say that I love alias, I love her show. I love women who are like, badass, you know, counter spies.
Kimberly Spencer 01:01:30 Yeah. What person alive or alive in in their time would you want to trade places with just for a day to be in their body, see how they thought experience the world as them.
Laurie Handlers 01:01:41 Like it's.
Kimberly Spencer 01:01:42 Yeah.
Laurie Handlers 01:01:44 Yeah. Marie Antoinette.
Kimberly Spencer 01:01:47 Not the day she lost her head.
Laurie Handlers 01:01:49 No, no, not the food towel.
Kimberly Spencer 01:01:53 Oh. What is your money routine, Laurie? As a successful businesswoman.
Laurie Handlers 01:01:58 Oh, I, I have rose oil from India. Rose is the scent of the heart. And I often put rose oil on $100 bills and and then when I take them out to pay something as if I use cash much.
Laurie Handlers 01:02:15 But when I do use gas, when I take them out to pay for something, the clerk and everybody's like, what is that? And I go, it's rose oil. It's like I'm putting my heart where my money is.
Kimberly Spencer 01:02:28 I love that. It reminds me of this scene in Elle Woods as well, which is like it's pink and scented. But I love that with the rose oil, I'm totally. That's a new one. We haven't heard that one with the wood. All right. I'm totally doing that. That sounds amazing.
Laurie Handlers 01:02:46 You can't do it on your credit card, though, you know what I mean? Yeah. Can't do it on PayPal and Venmo, but.
Kimberly Spencer 01:02:53 Get a little oil on your phone. Oh, what is your morning and evening routine to set you up for a successful day?
Laurie Handlers 01:03:01 Yeah. That's good. My morning routine. I wake up and I immediately do movement. I stretch well, first I might look at my phone. I'm like that, but, I then I put it down a stretch, I do yoga, I do a workout, I have a gym at home, so I work out with weights or in a bosu ball or whatever.
Laurie Handlers 01:03:22 I do at least 20 minutes of something when I'm on the road, which is 50% of the time at least I have elastic bands, so I do a workout when I wake up. I also have this roller, this thing that looks like a dog bone, only it's big styrofoam. Then I roll on that because my back is getting cranked. I can't afford traveling with a chiropractor. and then I do something aerobics, so I swim or walk or whatever. So yeah, every single day. And in the evening I have a glass of red wine, and I look at what my schedule is for the next day, I look to see what's coming up, and I plan out, like, what am I going to wear? Or how am I going to do this in between this or this? So I plan out my next day always. And then I take a Spanish lesson. Love it before I go to sleep.
Kimberly Spencer 01:04:25 Oh, it's a good way to have your unconscious mind retain it. Have you started dreaming in Spanish yet?
Laurie Handlers 01:04:32 No, I don't dream, I like, I know, I dream, but I never remember my dreams.
Laurie Handlers 01:04:38 I probably have ten dreams in my life that I remember and that's it. In 76 years I remember ten days. Like I don't have cognizant memory of my dreams. So I wish to like I'm going to set that as an intention. I wish to dream in Spanish.
Kimberly Spencer 01:04:55 Oh, that'll be fun. Yeah. What do you define to be your queendom?
Laurie Handlers 01:05:00 My queendom. It's like where I am. What? I move through the world either in a car or on a plane or through my home, through my connections. And I just feel, yeah, I have earned the status of being a queen in this life. I say what I want, I get what I want, I produce what I want, I require that I'd be related to in a certain way. And if someone doesn't respect me, like I don't spend much time with them. Like if they don't, they don't have to bow to me. Oh, some people do. You know, it's part of tantra, but I don't accept disrespect at all.
Laurie Handlers 01:05:45 At all. And I respect people the same way. If I misstep with them, I call them to clean it up.
Kimberly Spencer 01:05:52 Well done. Laurie, we have your book, sex, happiness. It gets better with age and extraordinary lovers for couples. How do we find you? How do we get in a workshop with you? Plug yourself clean.
Laurie Handlers 01:06:06 You will. You can let me hold these up. First of all, I hold up this. Oh, this one has something in it. This is my new one. Sex and happiness. It gets better with age. Oh. It's blurred. The blurring effect took effect. This is my old one. Sex and happiness. The tantric laws of intimacy. They're both really good reads and fast. you can get you can get those on Amazon, or you can get them at my website. You can find me on my website, Laurie Handler's dot com. It's handler's. It has an S on the end. If people leave it off, if they don't find me, even though I own all those websites where you could.
Laurie Handlers 01:06:45 Yeah. Facebook, LinkedIn, Instagram. I'm very active on those. I'm not active on TikTok. Sorry for those TikTokers. And if people go to my website, there's two things they can get a free download, which is a workbook on boundaries. Which a lot of people need. Most people don't know what boundaries they think. They people think. I told you my boundary. so what? Like it's up to me to enforce my boundaries, not you. So I work on boundaries. And I also have an inner circle that people can join for free at first and they can, like I have, I've starred in three films. I have 15 years of podcasting. I like all kinds of stuff that people can get to get Ahold of. The things that I teach and the knowledge that I have. So I welcome people to come to Laura's inner circle.
Kimberly Spencer 01:07:45 Laura, you're such a badass. And I love the fact that you have, like, reversed age through beautiful sexual transmutation. And like I was, I was literally telling my mom about you, who is also 76, and she was my great like she was.
Kimberly Spencer 01:07:59 So I'm gonna.
Laurie Handlers 01:08:01 Get this book for her. Yeah. I told a lot of people that are my students, like, get this book for your parents. Yeah. Have hope for your parents. Get this book for your parents because it tells them, you know, do new things, stand, you know, whatever.
Kimberly Spencer 01:08:18 Yeah. And I, I think it's amazing just you are such a testimony that it just gets better and that it can keep on getting better. And I love that about you and your mission. So go follow Lori, go get in her world, grab her books, and let life get better with age. As always, my fellow sovereigns, own your throne. Mind your business because your reign is now.
Kimberly Spencer 01:08:43 Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you, be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend. Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty.
Kimberly Spencer 01:08:58 And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration. I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business and life that rules because today you crown yourself.
The Crown Yourself Podcast is a fast-growing self-improvement podcast, ranked in the top #200 personal-development podcasts in two countries, so far, out of 4.5 million podcasts. Each week, you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. To listen to any of the past episodes for free, check out this page.