Be a Good Parent

I’ll never forget holding that bouquet of pregnancy tests in my hand. I’d peed four times to make sure it wasn’t a fluke. It couldn’t be, right? This was supposed to be hard for me? No. Nope. I was pregnant. Oh. My. God. I was paralyzed with fear and I’d like to say excitement, but really it was mostly fear. I walked out of our bathroom with the awful medical green tile into our yellow padded voice over studio. It felt appropriate to deliver the news in a padded room. 

Spike was on the phone with one of his investors. As I stand there without saying anything, my handshaking with the sticks, immobilized. “Holy shit,” I thought to myself, “This is happening.” Spike noticed me in the doorframe and mouthed “You’re pregnant?” I could barely manage a nod. 

I’ll never forget the smile that grew across that man’s face. I had to borrow that confidence because I was freaking terrified.

I’d put the title of “Mom” on a pedestal. 

CEO, president, business owner...been there, done that.

 But “Mom” that was a title that I knew I had to be good at.

I could not NOT change who I was being back then. 

Because back then, in 2016, I didn’t like myself very much. I was weak. I doubted myself. I played small. I talked big - big about all the things I was “going to do” but just...never...did them. I coddled to my excuses. I was still engulfed in shame and guilt about being bought out of my first eCommerce company - the first crushing “failure” I’d ever experienced. (Now I look back on it was such a gift! Thank the holy heavens that happened!)

But, I knew at that moment that THAT woman - fearful, riddled with negativity, doubt, and belief in her abilities - had to step the fuck up.

I knew it was my time, my sign, my necessity to rise.

For myself. 

For my mission.

For my son.

I’d made that commitment to myself years ago. I’ve always wanted to be a mom. I always saw myself as “having it all” - being a mom, owning a business, writing, creating, directing, producing, having a loving husband who treated me like a Queen, traveling around the world, doing what I want, when I wanted. 

I HAVE ALWAYS HAD THIS DREAM.

But, back then, I believed I was broken, bad, a f*up, scarred from my past, battling 10 years of an eating disorder, and struggling to find my light through the darkness. 

I was standing in the blue-hue of my first apartment in Studio City, dragging myself off my blood-red couch from watching Breakfast at Tiffany’s...again, and that’s when I had the thought.

“I don’t want to have children.”

Not that I didn’t ever want to have children. Or that I couldn’t have children.

But I felt in my gut that I either had to break the cycle or I had to be the end of the cycle. I’d grown up in a home with an addict where my amygdala was on overdrive - fight or flight. There would be times when I would rage against my dad, leap out the window and literally FLIGHT to try to escape the pain I felt. 

The demons that haunted him, I knew was programmed into me. 

And for the love of my unborn children, I would either slay those monsters, or I would sacrifice my lineage and my dream of having kids, in order to not bring one more f*ed up child into this world...We’ve got enough as it is. 

I made a promise to myself, right then and there. I would not even think about being a mother until I slew the dragons of doubt and fear and self-loathing that had haunted my family for too long. I had to be healed from hating myself before I could ever bring a being of love into this world. 

I knew I would be the one to break the cycle. 

I vowed right then and there to be an amazing mom, and I only would become one when I had healed myself. 

Nearly a decade of deep mindset reprogramming, family healing, and transformation later, I’d found the king to my Queen and I was ready to make good on my vow….it didn’t mean that it wasn’t scary as hell realizing that HOLY CRAP, this is actually happening. 

It felt like bungee jumping. Freefalling toward the ground, praying that the bungee is going to catch you before you face plant into the asphalt. 

It was one of those moments where I knew I would have rise or die -  to bounce up into a higher level, a better version of me, the stronger, more resilient, Queen, or....well, there really was no other option.

It wasn’t until after I had Declan that I realized the other pieces of me I still had to heal. 

I’ve worked with some extraordinary coaches in the past three years, but Declan has always been my best. 

When he was 8 months old, I learned how I processed shame, because I saw it through him. Having that awareness allowed me to heal my own past shame and in turn, he was able to heal as well. As he’s grown older I see his leadership, and I see how I can improve as a leader.

CHILDREN ARE OUR GREATEST TEACHERS. 

And, I believe that we are blessed with the children we need to continue our own healing to wholeness - a topic I dive deep into in my course, #MompreneurMindset.

If you’re going to be a parent, be a good one. 

Be an amazing one. 

Be freaking phenomenal at it. 

You’re not going to be perfect. And you’re going to mess up from time to time, but let your children be your teachers. 

JUST AS YOU GUIDE YOUR CHILDREN, ALLOW YOUR CHILDREN TO GUIDE YOU TO HEAL THOSE OTHER PARTS OF YOURSELF THAT HAVE BEEN HIDDEN FROM THE LIGHT. 

Allow them to teach you what unabashed joy feels like. 

Let them into your soul as you re-experience imagination, play, and creativity again. 

Share in their vibrant fascination for discovery! 

Let them teach you the beauty of a flower again.

Practice your learnings as much as they are practicing theirs. 

Celebrate their wins from pooping in the potty to saying “please” when asking for something, so you can train your brain to celebrate your own wins as well and as often.

Even the trying moments, the ones where you feel like completely flipping out or losing your sh*t, especially when confined in close quarters, let them show you where you still have work to do.

The work never ends. 

SO FALL IN LOVE WITH LEARNING, LIKE BABIES ARE. FALL IN LOVE WITH DISCOVERING AND LOOKING AT LIFE FROM NEW PERSPECTIVES.

Even your triggers are your teachers.

LET YOUR KIDS GUIDE YOU INTO MORE GROWTH.

Remember, your reign is now.

P.S. If you know a parent who’s struggling during this time with their kids at home, forward this to them with your own love note of encouragement.