Being Selfish Has Got a Bad Rap.
I’ve been meditating a lot on putting myself at Cause. You see, you always have a choice. Even when you think you don’t have a choice, you have a choice. Just because you don’t like the alternative choices available, doesn’t mean you don’t have a choice.
You can choose to take a stand. And you can choose to fall.
This week I chose to stand up for how I will allow myself and my family to be treated. Over the past three years I’ve cut several people completely out of my life - a partner, several boyfriends, a bridesmaid. They crossed my boundaries.
It sounds selfish, and it was. I totally cop to it. But that’s what boundaries are.
Boundaries are selfish. But, being selfish has got a bad rap.
As a coach of Neurolinguistic Programming, let’s take a look linguistically at what being “selfish” really is. While the term “ish” has had some urban alterations like meaning an issue of a magazine and as a euphemism for “shit” back in the ’90s, as a suffix it’s totally different. The suffix “-ish” means, in the noun selfish, simply “having the characteristics of” self.
Your boundaries ARE a characteristic of your self. They define who you are, and what you will and will not tolerate in your life.
Self-esteem is selfish. Self-worth is selfish. Your choices are selfish, because they define who + what you are. Even if your choices are for charitable causes which could be perceived as being selfless, those choices ultimately determine who you are and thus are a characteristic of you - selfish.
Not sticking up for your boundaries. That’s selfless. Letting people walk all over you. That’s selfless. Being a living breathing doormat and allowing people to treat you poorly. That’s selfless. Because in every one of those cases you think less of yourself. (And so do the people whom you are allowing to treat you poorly) And, also in everyone of those cases, you are also being selfish because thinking less of yourself is a character trait (and a limiting belief) that you have chosen to adopt. Selfish.