Blame vs. Ownership
I was asked recently on a podcast what I think is the most insidious problem facing the world today. In one word I said this, “BLAME.”
YOU SEE, BLAME IS A RESULT.
It's the effect.
And it causes more shitty results.
It gets you stuck in a cycle of being either the victim of your circumstances or the villain of your life, swinging the pendulum back and forth, but never actually gaining momentum forward.
Blame is a natural, and biological response.
In fact, in my upcoming book, Rule Your Body (which you can totally pre-order now BTW), I dive deep into this “just world bias” of blame.
We as humans naturally have a desire to see things as “fair.” You hear it all the time if you have a toddler - “That’s not...what?” You got it: “fair.”
OUR BRAINS SEEK TO MAKE SENSE OF THE INSENSIBLE. WHEN THINGS DON’T SEEM FAIR OR “RIGHT” WE TRY TO FIND WAYS TO JUSTIFY (AKA “MAKE JUST” OR “WAYS TO BLAME”) IN ORDER TO MAKE SENSE OF THE WORLD.
This is how you get the ridiculous “reasons” of people saying…
“Oh, she must have done something to deserve that. It must have been her outfit, she was asking for it”
(AKA Blaming the skirt.)
And the more seemingly legit “reasons” like...
“It’s God’s fault that my son has this diagnosis.”
(AKA Blaming God.)
Or then one I see A LOT with high achievers...
“It’s ALL my fault.”
(AKA Blaming yourself for everything including circumstances, people, and things that were out of your control and taking responsibility for their lives, choices, and decisions thus taking 120% ownership, when you really can only take 100% ownership for your actions and they can only take 100% ownership for their actions.)
Either way, blame is blame.
BLAME IS LOOKING FOR SOMETHING EXTERNAL TO GRASP ONTO INSTEAD OF ALLOWING YOURSELF TO TAKE RADICAL OWNERSHIP OF WHAT YOUR NEXT STEPS ARE MOVING FORWARD.
Blame keeps you wagging your finger at the past, instead of looking forward to all the options you have now to take that experience and make them work FOR you.
Radical ownership is the ONLY way through.
You see ownership is NOT putting the blame on yourself.
Ownership is an acknowledgment of what is, and then CHOOSING to take another step forward.
Ownership is an acknowledgment of what was, and what has been, and CHOOSING to choose differently if you want to get new results.
Owner is an acknowledgment of what can be, and what you are CHOOSING to be by the actions you’re taking.
OWNERSHIP SHIFTS YOU INTO BEING AT CAUSE, INSTEAD OF BEING TOSSED AROUND ON THE EFFECT OF THE TIDES.
Owning your choices.
Owning what is is what is.
Owning that you did the BEST you could in the past with the resources you had back then. Now you have more resources, more knowledge, more experience.
Owning your choice to do something different...or to not.
Owning your choice to show up in a new way...or to not.
Owning your choice to hold yourself accountable...or not.
It's all ownership.
It doesn't mean that it's YOUR fault. Or anyone's fault.
Ownership is an acceptance of it is what it is.
Ownership is an acceptance that you did the best you could with the resources, tools, and skills you had available to you at the time.
OWNERSHIP IS RECOGNIZING THAT IF YOU DON'T LIKE THE RESULTS YOU'RE GETTING RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE THE POWER TO CHANGE THEM.
You have the power to show up differently in your relationships.
You have the power to choose to do differently in your business.
YOU HAVE THE POWER TO SHIFT YOUR THOUGHTS, FEELINGS, AND IDENTITY...LIKE THAT.
It's about making a choice.
And then backing it appropriately with action.
Remember, your reign is now.
P.S. One of the problems with blame is that it is so insidious in our culture, that we connect over it. We get validation for our excuses, lack of action, and “oh-but-you-tried” when something doesn’t work out the way we want it to.
The problem is, especially for high achievers, if we are chasing validation for our being, for our work, for how we live our lives, we can get lost in the cyclone of other people’s opinions and our own blame for not being where we want to be.
I dive deeper into what it means to “Need Validation” in THIS oldie but goodie episode of The Princess and the B Podcast. Listen here now!
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