Habits aren’t the problem. THIS is.
I used to be habit-obsessed. And, no I don’t mean I was obsessed with nuns, even though I did go to a Catholic school. I was obsessed with having PERFECT habits. Impeccable. Immutable. Consistent AF Habits.
I’d write them all down in my color-coded pens in my planner, in proper Virgo, Type A style, each one to match the seventeen new habits that I was going to master in that year. If they needed file folders for tracking those habits, those habits would be color-coded and folded away in proper, borderline-OCD style. I was sixteen, obsessed with being perfect, bulimic, and beating my brains against the check-mark standards of habit perfection. To-do. Done. To-Do. Not done. Bad. Bad girl. Kim! To-do: Done. Good girl. You deserve a reward.
The problem was - the habits I was doing were all surface.
Habits are the results of the thoughts you think, the feelings you feel, and, most importantly the BELIEFS that you hold to be true.
Back then I had some pretty crappy beliefs about myself.
It’s not your habits that are the problem.
It’s the beliefs behind the habits that generate the habit of being consistent or not with your habits.
I see a lot of new coaches start out coaching on the level of habit. Checkmarks. Spreadsheets.
“Did you do all of your new habits to perfection this week?” they ask.
If not, (and a lot of the time, it’s not because you’re not dealing with the root of the issue), “Well, tell me why?”
And that spirals the client into a slew of reasons - their dog ate their homework, their kids were overwhelming them, they got busy, they had a fight with their spouse, they succumbed to their old habit of drinking an extra glass of wine instead of going to bed early.
Missed boxes. Low score. No checks for you, you bad girl!
“Well you know you can do better next week. You want to create these new habits, right?”
But that’s not where the habit begins.
It’s the effect, not the cause.
THE FIRST HABIT TO START WITH IS THE HABIT OF BELIEVING IN YOURSELF.
The habit of believing you are worth investing that extra hour of sleep in yourself.
The habit of believing you deserve the money that is flowing into your bank account starts BEFORE developing new financial habits.
IT’S NOT THE LIST OF TO-DOS. IT’S YOUR BELIEFS.
Here’s the thing I’ve noticed working with a lot of skilled high achievers, who are making $10K, $25K, $50K or more a month - most high achievers are skilled with their habits.
They’ve got a majority of their habits down.
It’s alignment, fulfillment, depth of connection, the vision that are the beliefs that are the habits that need to be cultivated, honed, and practiced.
THESE ARE HABITS OF BEING AND NOT NECESSARILY HABITS OF DOING.
What I see from those who stay stuck and struggling is they are trying to DO the habits of the “successful” people…
What they think they should do to be successful…
What they think they have to do to have the life they want…
What they think they need to do to be, do, and have all that they desire to build in this life…
Problem is - they’re scratching the surface, instead of going deep into the belly of the beast - to the depths of the subconscious programming that is keeping them stuck and frustrated where they’re at.
BREAKING YOURSELF AGAINST THE INVISIBLE WALL OF A HABIT THAT IS NOT ALIGNED, IS LIKE CONTORTING YOURSELF INTO A KARDASHIAN WHEN, REALLY, YOU’RE MORE OF A JEANS AND A T-SHIRT KIND OF PERSON.
“Maybe I just need to go harder?”
“Maybe I just need to double down on my consistency?”
“Maybe I just need to work, and force, and push myself into being this person who has these habits that people have told me I need to have to be successful?“
Maybe.
OR MAYBE YOU NEED TO CHECK YOURSELF, WITH YOUR SOUL, WITH YOUR BELIEFS IF THE HABIT IS EVEN ALIGNED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
As my mentor, Brandon Burchard says, “Achievement isn’t the problem for high performers, alignment is.”
Before you even think of doing any new habit…
Check yo’self.
Is it aligned with who you are creating yourself to be?
I was working with one of my clients and her team of functional medicine doctors and her health coach on helping her achieve the next level of performance in her career. She constantly found herself either bloated or drained. Her health coach and doctors advised her to stop eating gluten.
But she...just...couldn’t...stop.
It was one of the few foods that for her was an easy go-to with her job.
It’s just a couple of crackers.
It’s just a little soy sauce (which has gluten in it...Why? I don’t know.)
It’s just a few bites of pasta.
How much harm is that going to do, right? But her energy kept on waning and draining.
It was then that I asked her the question…
“HOW COULD THE HABIT OF NOT EATING GLUTEN BE AS NATURAL AS BREATHING FOR YOU?”
Suddenly, a switch flicked. An ah-ha arrived.
She immediately connected the parallels from her past life choices to transform herself to gluten. She saw how she couldn’t be of service - a high value for her - or create significant work in her industry if she didn’t break the habit that was depleting her energy.
The habit had to be tied to purpose.
The habit had to be tied to belief in herself.
The habit had to be tied to her mission in the world.
It wasn’t about gluten.
IT WAS ABOUT HOW WORTHY SHE THOUGHT SHE WAS TO CARRY OUT THE MISSION THAT SHE BELIEVED SHE WAS PLACED ON THIS PLANET TO SERVE THE WORLD.
When we dug into that - magic happened. A transformation.
And she went on to being a prolific creator in her industry, not just because she let go of gluten, but because she connected with the depths of her soul and to purpose, mission, impact, significance.
This is the power of coaching.
This is the power of having someone regularly, continuously tweaking your mindset - helping you discover new perspectives - so you shift the BELIEFS FIRST and then let that ripple into the thoughts, feelings, and habits you have every day.
You get all this and MORE when you become a member of Mindful Monarchs.
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And by more, I meant you get actual Pilates and physical mind-body connection training, as well as relationship and communication training from my hubby.
So if you’re ready to go ALL IN on shifting your MINDSET...and your habits (a natural byproduct), then become a VIP Mindful Monarchs now.
P.S. This is by far the most ridiculously, insane, lowest offer I have ever made (and probably will ever make) on the interwebs, period for the work that I do.
My private clients pay me $18,000 to work with me on their mindset.
As a Mindful Monarch, you get me working with you as your coach and your trainer for less than $10 per session...for the year! #CrazyPantsIKnow
But its something that I deeply feel is necessary for so many humans right now during this time of uncertainty, funky, shifting, habits, and change that is happening in our world.
If this is in alignment with you, then do yourself a favor.
➡️ BECOME A MINDFUL MONARCH NOW ⬅️
I promise, your Future Self will thank you.
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