Hiding.

Uncategorized Sep 17, 2020

Ever have that one thing that keeps recurring in your life every time you feel like you’re leveling up? 

For me, it’s around rejection. I have had to do a lot of healing around people leaving.

I’d reject parts of me - the silly, the weird, the dramatic, the ultra-girly, the ballerina -  or parts that I thought would allow me to fit in, only to be rejected. 

HINT: DEEP DOWN, HUMANS AREN’T STUPID. THEY KNOW WHEN YOU’RE FAKING IT. SOMETIMES THEY MAY NOT WANT TO KNOW THAT YOU’RE FAKING IT - BUT FAKING IT CAN BE FELT JUST AS DEEPLY AS FEELING IT. 

I thought I was the weird kid growing up - that it was something I did.

But really, I was just mirroring my own rejection of myself in others. 

Rejecting the shame of trying to fit in, when really, I’ve always known I was different. 

Rejecting the guilt for not trusting that I was enough.

People are our mirrors. 

When you try to hide from people, burying yourself in processes, or work or studies, or other stuff that it’s easy to hide inside without rejection, it’s only because sometimes we don’t like what we see in the mirror of other people.

AND THE EGO WANTS TO DECEIVE US INTO THINKING THAT WE’RE SEPARATE. 

We’re not. 

I’m not Kathrin Zenkina, nor would I want to be.

I’m not Marie Forleo, nor would I want to be.

I’m not Elle Woods, or Reese Witherspoon or Glendon Doyle, or anyone else I admire.

I am ME.

Just like you are you.

Just like they are them.

And they are awesome.

You are awesome.

I am awesome. 

That’s one-ness, baby!

They all have parts of me in them and I have parts of them in me.

Just like you have parts of your mentors that you admire in them in YOU. 

Their intellect.

Their capacity for growth.

Their drive.

Their power. 

Their creativity.

It’s all mine too. 

WHEN YOU FEAR REJECTION, EVENTUALLY (BECAUSE YOU’RE FOCUSING ON THE FEAR AND NOW WHAT YOU ACTUALLY WANT), YOU BUILD UP WALLS AND START REJECTING OTHERS TO NOT GET HURT. 

I know because I did. 

It’s self-sabotage at its finest, right? 

But it was never me getting rejected by others.

It was me rejecting parts of myself mirrored back by the world. 

It wasn’t until I accepted me, all of me, all the flaws, and foibles, and fuck ups, and, yes, the fun, and friskiness, and frills too,  that I started to not only see success - like being able to thrive in a pandemic living in a foreign country with the beach as my view - 

But I was also able to truly feel FULFILLED.

Not because others were accepting me, but because I was accepting all of me.

This was the greatest catalyst to my healing when I was bulimic.

I showed up not as the “expert” pretending to know it all. 

I knew one thing, back then - a process to serve - Pilates. 

And I was vulnerable and raw and real about my journey to finding a form of fitness that I loved.

Now, this is what showing up and being vulnerable AF is like on the interwebs.

It’s not posting for the sake of posting.

It’s not sharing some soppy story of childhood woes just to martyr myself for your sympathies. 

It’s allowing myself to be fully present standing in my power owning all of who I am, flaws, childhood fears, and all, and knowing that through my transparency the RIGHT people are being called NOW to my work.

For someone, maybe you needed to hear this today.

YOU ARE ALLOWED TO BE BOTH ALL OF YOU AND WORK ON IMPROVING ALL OF YOU AT THE SAME TIME.

You are allowed to serve even if you don’t have everything figured out for yourself. 

Just be real with it. 

YOU ARE BOTH A WORK IN PROGRESS AND A MASTERPIECE.

Show up with an open heart to serve through yourself.

Transparency serves.

Energy struggles to move through osmium. 

Separate your particles. Allow yourself to show through to be a mirror for possibility.

Your ideal clients, customers are on the other side of that mirror looking for you through you.

People are starving for your authenticity.

Stop pretending like you’ve got all your shit sorted, and rejecting the shitstorm. 

Rejecting it gives it MORE energy and MORE space in your life.

Just own it.

OWN ALL OF THE GLORIOUSNESS THAT IS YOU.

Remember your reign is now. 

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  • How to Punch the Fear of Being Judged In the Face

  • Where to Identify Your "Subconscious Sticky Spots" around Social Media

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  • WHAT TOOLS TO USE TO PLAN OUT YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA IN ADVANCE

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  • What the Pro's Do to Be So Confident Online

  • How to Share + Sell Without Being Spammy

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