"How does HE do it all" said no one.
Nearly a decade ago, after my first film, BRO, was released, I was doing the press and I got asked this question….
“Did you just write all the female roles? ”
FROM A FELLOW FEMALE.
It nearly knocked me to the floor.
Now, sure, the content of the movie had a lot of motocross, drugs, sex, guns, and Danny Trejo in it...even my mom questioned how I knew so much about all those things. *insert whistling and looking the other way. hehe. *
And sure, I was the only girl, let alone former-pageant girl, standing on stage with a production crew of all dudes, dressed up to the nines in my fancy blue dress and heels.
It was my director and co-writing partner, Nick Parada, who helped me pick my jaw off the floor, sharing that it was actually ME who wrote the first draft of the script, and it was ME who wrote the first spec that had three guys walking into a strip club that got him and the Executive Producer to say “yes” to this former pageant princess writing a movie about BROs.
Fast forward to this past week, I was working with one of my high-achieving non-entrepreneur lawyer clients, who said this…”
“IT’S NOT THE MEN WHO HAVE HELD ME BACK IN MY CAREER. IT'S BEEN THE WOMEN WHO ARE THE TOUGHEST.”
Now, sure we could unpack beliefs around that. But as we dove deeper, she revealed, “It seems as though the women feel they have had to work 10X harder to get where they are - and they probably have - because they have put their struggle to balance their life on a pedestal. And, god help anyone who tries to knock them off their pedestal.”
Honestly, it’s probably our fault.
I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES IN AN INTERVIEW I’VE BEEN ASKED, “HOW DO YOU DO IT ALL?”
Being a business owner.
Wife.
Overcoming doubt.
Mother.
Pregnant.
World-traveler.
Money-maker.
Claiming my power.
Yet, no one is asking the question, “How does HE do it all?”
I mean minus the pregnancy.
Why is it we MARVEL at a woman being able to balance work, life, motherhood, career, relationships, and yet just ACCEPT at face value that men don’t have that same struggle?
Having coached both male and female high-achieving leaders for the past 5 years now, I’ve seen that BOTH men and women struggle with doubt, fear, imposter syndrome, and work-life balance.
But no one is asking the men about it.
And the men aren’t really talking about it.
If we want our men to feel open and vulnerable to express their own doubts and fears, then we have to stop creating a conversation around how we as women are the only ones who struggle with work-life balance.
THERE IS LESS OF A SOCIETAL STEREOTYPE AROUND MEN DOUBTING THEMSELVES. BECAUSE WE REASON…”THEY’RE MEN.”
But men are fathers just as much as we are mothers.
Men doubt themselves and women doubt themselves.
Doubt has no gender.
Fear has no gender.
It’s human nature.
Is there gender inequality in the workplace? Yes.
Is our language as women also perpetuating this gender inequality with a focus too much on our struggle rather than our EASE of success? Possibly.
If you’re going to ask that question of women, start opening up the conversation for men as well.
P.S. SO YES, THIS IS MY LATEST YOUTUBE VIDEO, “BUILD CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM AS A MOMPRENEUR,” TOTALLY HYPOCRITICAL TO MY ENTIRE ABOVE ARGUMENT...POSSIBLY.
Does the 5-step system I share in this video to gain more confidence work just as well for men as they do for women? You bet your sweet booty it does.
Did we use “mompreneur” in the title for better SEO targeting? You bet your sweet booty we did.
Did I focus on “mompreneur simply because that’s my perspective and I understand that on a personal level? Yup, you bet your sweet booty on that too.
BUT I ALSO UNDERSTAND THAT IF WE’RE GOING TO BE CHANGING THE CONVERSATION AND NORMALIZING THAT EVERYONE STRUGGLES WITH CONFIDENCE AND SELF-ESTEEM THAT WE’RE GOING TO NEED TO ADDRESS BOTH SIDES, WHICH IS WHY I ALSO RECOMMEND LISTENING TO THIS PODCAST INTERVIEW WITH MY CLIENT, STUART MORRIS ABOUT HIS STRUGGLES, GROWTH, AND CHALLENGES IN GROWING HIS BUSINESS, AS WELL.
He does it all.
She does it all.
I do it all.
You can too.
The choice is yours to start creating that story around your own success.
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