How Hiding Your Authentic Self in Your Relationships is Manipulation (and It’s No One Else’s Fault but Your Own)
Don’t like being manipulated? Ugh, me neither. So, stop hiding ALL of who you are.
Authenticity is the antithesis of manipulation.
Faking it.
Pretending.
Trying not to make waves.
Not wanting to rock the boat.
Playing nice so that people will like you.
Hiding your truth.
WHEN YOU DON’T HONOR YOUR TRUTH IN YOUR RELATIONSHIPS, YOU’RE ACTUALLY MANIPULATING PEOPLE INTO LOVING OR LIKING A FALSE VERSION OF YOU.
I’ll be honest, I used to do this ALL. THE. TIME.
My mom jokes that throughout most of my early twenties, I was like Julia Roberts in Runaway Bride.
A chameleon in my relationships.
Showing men only the sides of me that I thought that they thought they wanted in order to be loved.
And it worked until it didn’t.
Until my soul begged for authenticity, truth, and REAL LOVE.
Because that’s what love is.
LOVE IS TRUTH.
I joke now that Spike was my experiment in honesty - pure, 100% raw, truth. Literally two hours before he sauntered into my life, I prayed to God that all I wanted, and I mean, ALL I WANTED, was to be authentic...and to travel. #MANIFESTEDTHATSHIT
It wasn’t always easy, sharing the parts of me that I thought were flawed, messy, my mistakes, and, yes, even my successes, my joys, my achievements, and my celebrations
I didn’t hold anything back to acquiesce to his ego. And vice versa.
The foundation of our relationship, and what I believe makes it so successful, is that it’s rooted in AUTHENTICITY + TRUTH.
Of course, as this started to work in my personal life, my business that I was in back then - eCommerce - started to feel less and less authentic to who I was.
Then, when I started Crown Yourself back in 2014, I was so scared of being authentic, because I was so scared and ashamed of my perceived business “failure” (ahem...being bought out and getting a nice fatty compensation check is NOT a failure. But in my head it was. Just shows how powerful the mindset is.)
I even went so far as to create a separate website that was for “professional coaching” because I was scared to be fully me in my business - sparkles and all.
But in my SOUL I knew…
I was being a chameleon again, contorting myself into the boxes of who I thought my “ideal customer avatar” was and what she wanted instead of just being all of me and TRUSTING that that would be enough.
(HINT: It is. And that’s the secret.)
Faking it.
Toning it down to try to be more liked.
Holding back fully expressing yourself so you can “get customers.”
EW! How freaking gross is that?!?
And yet, now having coached high achieving leaders and entrepreneurs I see it EVERY. DANG. DAY.
Leaders shrouding their sparkle to “fit in.” (Um, you do know you’re the LEADER right?)
Entrepreneurs trying to dissect their personality to fit some made-up ideal customer that they have in their head, and hiding who they are - because that’s not “on brand.”
Business owners holding themselves back from honoring their values so that they can close a sale.
That is ALL manipulation!
Look…
IT TAKES HEAP LOADS OF COURAGE TO SHOW UP FULLY, TO EXPRESS ALL OF YOU, TO SHARE YOUR GIFTS, TO OWN YOUR WORTH.
I get it.
If your business feels like it’s not fully you, it’s probably because you’re not fully showing up as you - you’re showing a side, a character, a personality that fits the role that YOU’VE CREATED.
If your relationship feels inauthentic, like you can’t fully express yourself, it’s because you’re showing a persona, a character, a side of you that fits the role that YOU’VE CREATED.
It’s a character, a persona, created out of fear!
The fear of not being liked.
The fear of being judged.
The fear of fully being seen.
You may have created it so well, that people can’t tell when you’re acting.
But you know.
Your Soul knows.
And the beauty...is you created it.
Look at what a POWERFUL creator you are.
What if you were to channel that creativity into sharing your gifts authentically?
What if you stopped trying to con people into buying this “perfect persona” and instead inspired them with your courage, your authenticity, your vision?
How much more fulfilled do you think you would be if you were BEING ALL OF YOU?
It’s nobody else’s responsibility but your own to share your truth.
And if someone doesn’t know who you are, then it’s YOUR responsibility, if you love them enough, to show them.
For, when you show ALL of you - your values, your vision, your flaws, your fears, your truth, your love - you know that the ones who enter your kingdom, whether that’s do business with you or be in a relationship with you, are really there for the REAL thing, and not just there due to false advertising.
IF SOMEONE YOU LOVE REALLY LOVES YOU, THEN THEY WILL LOVE YOU FOR YOUR TRUTH, AS YOU…
Love is truth.
Trying to get someone - your followers, your husband, your kids - to love you as anything other than who you are by owning ALL of yourself is manipulation and false advertising.
Love people through who you BE.
Respect the people you say you love (or heck, even like) enough to give them the truth.
How they receive it, is on them.
BE all of you to show those you love that you love them.
Remember, your reign is now.
P.S. Speaking of love + truth and delivering just that to you day in and day out - it can feel scary AF be who you are. Especially when…
You’ve spent years operating by plagiarized programming.
You’re so used to people-pleasing you don’t even know what you want or who you are.
You feel like you have to shroud your sparkle for the paycheck, or for your industry - basically to coddle other people’s insecurities.
You’ve followed all the rules and done what you’re “supposed to” or what other people said you “should do” and yet you still feel like you’re not getting ahead.
You feel totally out of alignment with who you really are.
And it’s soul-sucking.
The Visionary Voxer Coaching package is ridiculous - I’m just going to say it.
I’ve never offered anything like this before.
And honestly, when I was in the throes of doubt, and fear, and stop-starting doing the things that I wanted to do back in 2014-2016, and listening to all the marketing guru’s “shoulds” and “supposed to’s” for what was going to work in my business (and NONE of it was), I WISH I had had someone to just coach me through those moments of thinking…
“I know I’m not crazy. I know I’m made for more. I just don’t know HOW….”
And then working with me day-in and day-out to help me figure out the HOW that was most aligned for me.
It took me a while and several tens of thousands of dollars in coaching and programs to find someone who would and who did.
But, I could have saved 2 years (and made hundreds of thousands of dollars more) had I just had the courage to ASK MORE.
ASK RIGHT - you know, asking the RIGHT people who are DOING and LIVING LIFE with the FEARLESSNESS, FREEDOM, EASE, and PEACE you desire.
ASK DAILY.
That’s who Visionary Voxer is for - for the ones who have the courage to step TF up, to SEEK CLARITY, and to actually be held ACCOUNTABLE for who they desire to become, and the dream you desire to create.
Imagine what could be possible with that.
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