How to Never Doubt Yourself Again

I have a belief. I’ll warn you…it’s quite controversial.

You see, I used to have this desperate, dire fear of being wrong. GASP! NO! Say it isn’t so! 

This fear-based belief led me down a dark and windy, lonely road to perfectionism.

All or nothing. Nothing was ever good enough. 99% = Failure. Only 100% or more. Extra credit on the side!

IT SPIRALED ME DOWN INTO CONSTANT SELF-SABOTAGE BECAUSE AFTER ENOUGH TIME TRYING TO GO ALL IN AND BE THE BE-ALL, DO-ALL EVENTUALLY YOU THROW YOUR HANDS UP AND SAY “FUCK IT” AND REBEL AGAINST YOURSELF.

It’s like running a marathon, getting to mile 20, hitting your wall, and because you slowed your pace down (heavens forbid!) you force yourself sadistically to go back to the starting line because you’re not running at the same pace, at the same ridiculously high standards you held yourself to…instead of just finishing the dang race.

Therein lay years of self-sabotage, guilt, shame, and feeling like I was making no progress whatsoever. (Even though, of course, I was.)

Fast forward a decade of recovery later healing old patterns and plagiarized programming and now I have a new belief:

I ALWAYS MAKE THE RIGHT DECISION.

Oh but that’s so egotistical! 

Oh, well aren’t you so high and mighty!

Now, now, Karen, cool your jets. 

Here is why I always make the right decision.

Because every decision I make…even if I fuck up, even if it’s a mistake, even if I “lose” money, even if I “lose” a husband, even if I “lose” a business (yep - lost all of them), even if it’s an utter, dismal mess, even if it’s a failure…

I STILL LEARN.

AND BECAUSE I STILL LEARN, I GAIN EXPERIENCE THAT HELPS ME MAKE BETTER DECISIONS IN THE FIRST PLACE. 

The fear of being “wrong” is a perilous slope that either…

A) Keeps you stuck from getting started.

or…

B) Allows you to LEAP forward and then crash and burn into a pile of tears and hopelessness IF you fail in even the slightest way.

…Like you know, only working out for 20 minutes instead of the full 60 makes a “real workout” so you say “Fuck it” and stop your own consistency.

…Or investing in that business coach, and then not loving every single second of it, so you turn around and blame him and say you “wasted your money.”

…Or someone hating on a post you oh-so-carefully crafted that you thought was inspiring and thought-provoking so you never dare to post again.

With this belief comes the great responsibility of your power of choice.

It’s a choice to the LEARNER - instead of the ego-maniac who never makes a mistake.

It’s a choice to be a STUDENT - instead of the know-it-all-master of the world.

It’s a choice to be a CONSCIOUS CO-CREATOR with the universe so you can suck all the marrow of knowledge from experience from her bones - instead of staying stuck and stymied in the research rabbit hole.

OWNERSHIP of your thoughts, your choices, your words, your actions, your results (yes, failures, foibles, and fuck ups included) MUST be a part of this belief.