How to Overcome Perfectionism

When I was 7 years old, my mom was driving me to ballet class. I was in the back wrapping my hair into the perfect bun. This bun was a process and it had to be completed to perfection. Tight, taught. Immobile. And in the right place on my head. Not directly on top. And not too close to the nape of the neck either. It had to be perfectly balanced, right before the gentle curve of my head sloped down to my spine. Teetering on the perfect pointe.

THERE WERE FOUR INSTRUMENTAL STEPS THAT WENT INTO THE CREATION AND PERFECTION OF THIS BUN.

Step one: pull top half of hair into a half/up half-down on the crux of the head. Tie it. Step two, pull bottom half of hair to meet the half-done pony into a full ponytail. Tie it again. Step three: : twist the ponytail and wrap it around itself. Tie again. Step four: bobby pin stray hairs and spay with Aquanet. (Yes, I said it...Aquanet.)

The perfection of this bun determined how the next 60-minutes of my ballet class were going to go. Should it spiral loose, I would spin out of control on my pointe shoes. Should it be pulled too tight, my movements would be stiff and not lyrical. Should there be bumps in the hair along the crown of my head, then the bumps and grooves of the floor would trip and slip me up.

NO PRESSURE, RIGHT?

Usually this bun was done before class. One full half hour of combing, spraying, pulling, wrapping, and smoothing to make sure that the perfection held. But not this day. This day on a bumpy car ride in the backseat with no mirror, I was pulling and smoothing and tying...and trying not to completely lose my shit. My process was falling to pieces as quickly as I was.

One block away from class, with my hair in only step one, I did.

“IT’S NOT PERFECT!” I WAILED.

I felt exposed. If my bun wasn’t perfect, that meant I wasn’t. And I just wasn’t ready to accept that. I was so scared of not getting my bun right, that I ended up throwing an Oscar-worthy tantrum that caused my mom to turn the car right around and take me home, with me missing class entirely.

Total self-sabotage. All because of my perception of how my hair “should” be. I was so scared that because the first step - have hair in bun for class - wasn’t perfect that that would DESTROY all of class. And it did. But by no other person other than myself.

Here’s the thing…

LIKE TONY ROBBINS SAYS, “NOTHING HAS MEANING BUT THE MEANING THAT YOU GIVE IT.”

My bun being perfect didn’t mean I wasn’t perfect. And it didn’t mean I wasn’t going to have a great class. The only thing standing in my way from having a great class, messy bun and all was me.

I look back at that little girl with such love. If I could go back in time and tell my little 7-year old self one thing, it would be this…

“Sweetheart, it’s okay to be a little messy.”

Because now never have I had such joy, such chaos, such passion, such clutter, such a strong message, and such a mighty mess (sooo many messy diapers 👶🏼) as a mompreneur.

THE DESIRE TO BE PERFECT IS THE GREATEST BLOCKADE TO PROGRESS (AND PROFIT).

When clients ask me, “How did you launch 10 courses, 2 programs, coach clients, and do it all raising a baby?” I think about my bun. Because none of it was “perfect.”

If you watch my first few courses #RuleMyBody, #LiveMoreLoveMore, #PowertotheShe, the lighting and angles, and cameras sucked.

Sometimes I was backlit.

Some of them are shot vertically.

Sometimes I was even reading my notes because I was so nervous to speak extemporaneously.

But the content is phenomenal and will change your life - strategies to improve your relationships, NLP communication tools to close more sales, habits that will not only transform your body, but also triple your productivity.

You don’t need to get it “right” you just need to get it DONE.

And in order to get things done you have to prioritize.

Is finishing the book more important than getting it done “perfectly”? Is just having a product to sell more important than selling it “perfectly?”

Is the bun more important than the class?

For me, little things like “perfect” hair and makeup, or having the “perfect” lighting or backdrop take a backseat to just getting the right shit done.

Sometimes that means ignoring the fact that my floor usually has food on it, or my clean laundry doesn’t get put away (for like a week), or Declan is in mismatches pants and indies...because, well, he’s a baby (and it’s not his goin’ in his gram yet) .

Because perfectly clean floors, perfectly organized laundry, and perfectly dressed babies, do not a business make. Nor does it even make for powerful relationships. What does make a truly fulfilling business and life is the ability to zoom in, laser focus, and prioritize.

BEING A MOMPRENEUR MEANS GETTING THE RIGHT STUFF DONE, INSTEAD OF DOING IT ALL “RIGHT.”  

Sometimes that means prioritizing time with a client over my son. Sometimes that means prioritizing my son over my clients. Sometimes that means prioritizing time with my hubby on a date night over working “just a little longer” on my computer.

The trouble I see with many of my clients is their priorities for the laundry or their home being immaculate come ahead of their priorities for their business or even their relationships. .

If you want something...anything...a successful business or a thriving relationship, you’ve got to want it bad enough to prioritize it. .

DOESN’T MEAN IT HAS TO BE A PRIORITY 100% OF THE TIME. (HINT: NOTHING EVER IS.)

You’ve got to zoom in and be crystal clear on the EXACT things that are needed to make your business and your relationships thrive. (And I can guarantee you, one of those things is NOT having the “perfect” hair.)

That is the only way to grow both.

You can have it all. It just may not always be clean or perfectly put away, or perfectly rolled into the perfect little bun.

BE BOLD ENOUGH TO BE MESSY. BE BOLD ENOUGH TO JUST DO IT, INSTEAD OF DOING IT “PERFECTLY.”

If you need help zooming in on the priorities that will move your business forward, then book your free 20-minute consult with me. In 20-minutes you’ll get a personalized Queen-B productivity plan that will guide you to the next 3 steps to take your business to the next level in 2019.

And if you know someone who is struggling from perfectionism, or who is stuck trying to do everything “right” instead of just getting it done, lovingly share this with them.