“I tears. I cry.”

“I tears. I cry,” he whimpered to me with his puffy lower lip sticking out as he wiped away the two tear strains rolling down his cheek.

“Everybody cries, baby. Mama cries. Daddy cries. Ma cries. Pa cries. It’s okay to cry,” I say to Declan, “It just shows that you care so deeply.”

At that moment Declan mostly cared about not having Saline solution blown up his nose and having an ow-wow-wow. But a poignant lesson, nonetheless, no matter how small or big the problem may seem.

Sometimes as positive-forward-thinking leaders we feel the pressure to always be “on,” meaning we always have to be positive and forward-thinking. 

Nonsense. You’re not an automoton. You’re human.

Feelings hit. 

They happen. 

It’s natural and normal to feel feelings - all of them. 

And, yes, positive thinkers, that includes feeling sad, angry, peeved, frustrated, vengeful, rage, shame, guilt, fear, and the rest of the glorious spectrum of feelings that we have. 

WHEN YOU SUPPRESS THEM, REPRESS THEM OR TRY TO ESCAPE THEM, IT ONLY MAKES FEELINGS WORSE. 

That’s when it comes down to a choice - a choice to hold onto them to bury them in a shit-pile of fear, shame, and guilt for being HUMAN in the first place! 

To the positive-thinking perfectionists of the world (and, believe me, I totally include myself in that category and am more than willing to call myself out on my own B.S.), know this…

If you try to hide your emotions and the feelings that you really feel, if you try to hide any part of you in a cloak of shame for your own humanity, it unconsciously triggers other people - potential audience and customers to think…”What’s she hiding?”

Ever see some shifty looking fella stroll past you. You don’t know why, but you feel the urge to walk as far to the other side of the street as possible. You FELT like something was “not right” with that person.

When you hide behind the harlequin mask of having all your shit-together in a perfectly cropped, color-corrected, polished-caption Instagram bubble, your customers may buy into you for a bit - craving the life that you have, but after a while, they will FEEL like something is “not right.”

All subconscious, of course, as 95-97% of our programming is. 

Now, I get it, leaders cannot ALWAYS throw around their emotions willy-nilly in a frenzy of fear - or else their followers will follow. We see enough of that as it is. 

But there is a difference between an emotion and a feeling.

A feeling is momentary. A feeling is scientifically measured to last for 90 seconds. Why 90 seconds? According to neuroscientist, Dr. Jill Bolte,  when you experience an emotion like anger, sadness, anxiety (aka fear) or worry (aka fear), cortisol is released by your brain and the chemical surges throughout the body creating a physiological experience. It takes 90 seconds for that chemical to be dispelled from your bloodstream.

After that, you have a choice - repeat the sensation, or cut off the supply. More often though, we repeat the sensation by regurgitating worrisome thoughts or dumping our feeling onto other people. 

Your boss sends you an email that makes you think you’re going to get fired. You feel the feeling. Your body reacts. 90 seconds later, you walk to your husband in the kitchen, “Oh my god, I think he’s going to fire me” you repeat your fear. “What are we going to do, how are we going to keep the house?” This triggers another 90 seconds of feeling - a spike in cortisol - the fear repeats. You then go back to your desk, determined to get back to it. “Not today!” You think, resolving yourself to feel anything different. Yet, then you go back to that project you were working on - immediately all the “flaws” come to light. The writing isn’t perfect. The spreadsheet isn’t formatted. You’ll probably not finish this by your deadline. The thoughts continue. The judgments continue. And another spike of 90-seconds of cortisol hits your body. There’s the fear again. 

This is how we become addicted to our own daily emotional struggle. 

WE COMBAT THIS BY BEING AWARE OF WHAT WE ARE ALLOWING INTO OUR REALITY. 

Feelings are real. 

A feeling is a biological sign to adjust your course. Maybe a course correction is in how you’re thinking about the problem. Maybe a course correction is in a shift in perspective, recognizing that you really care about this thing or person that is triggering your emotions.

We combat them by being aware that we are human, allowing ourselves to let the wave of emotion smack us in the face, churn us about and then push us back onto the shores with the peace of a new perspective. 

LET YOUR EMOTIONAL TRIGGERS BE YOUR TEACHERS. 

This is a time in the world when we have been feeling a lot of “growing pains.” A lot of emotions from the depths of our being that we’ve tried to ignore are being brought into the clear light of day. 

We’re feeling tossed about on the surface with change, and all the feelings of anxiety, worry, fear, doubt, anger, sadness, grief, even that comes with change. 

As I say in my book, Mind Full Meals, which is coming out THIS SUMMER…

FEELINGS TRUMP THINKING EVERY TIME. 

That’s why, no matter how strong of a “positive-thinker” you are, you still are human, you still experience emotion. 

Denying that you do is folly. Pretending that you don’t is a fool’s game. 

ONLY THROUGH ALLOWING THE FEELINGS TO SURFACE, DO YOU COME CLOSER TO THE NEW SHORE.

Though you may feel rather tossed about now, know that they CANNOT drown you unless you allow them to, by heaving the loaded weights of fear, guilt, and shame for experiencing feelings onto your back. 

FEEL YOUR FEELINGS. LET THEM PROCESS. LET THEM GO.

The shores of a new perspective await your footsteps to pioneer a new path. 

Remember, your reign is now.

P.S. Needing some help releasing your feelings, finding your courage, and looking forward to your glorious future, let’s do it together. I’ve got only a few spaces open for my Gold Package - 1 month of powerful 1:1 coaching with me to help you shift your perspective to pioneer through these times. Book a 1:1 consult to see if you qualify.

I haven’t released this package in YEARS! But, really, there never has been a more perfect time to resurrect this package that has transformed so many people’s lives from struggle and suffering to purposeful and free. 

P.P.S. And dive deeper into HOW to release your feelings as a leader with this episode of The Princess and the B Podcast, “Leaders Feel ALL the Feels. Yes, Even the Negative Ones.”