The Strength of Stepping into the Unknown
Hold it together. Stay strong.
These are many words that have been uttered to me this past week, as my dad slipped from this life on Wednesday, after weeks of being in the hospital.
Of course, as always, they were uttered with the best intentions.
Honestly, though, I don’t feel very strong.
I feel very raw and real and ripped open, and if that’s strength then rock on, I’m a freaking badass.
It got me wondering, why as a society do we praise and pride ourselves on strength?
And more, what fear is there in being vulnerable, raw, real, and stripped of all pretense?
JUST BECAUSE I DON’T FEEL STRONG NOW DOESN’T MEAN I’M NOT STRONG, OR WON’T EVER BE STRONG. IN FACT, QUITE THE OPPOSITE.
As a human being, you are not bound to the emotion of strength.
There is no emotional flatline to follow and even if there were, that would be the death of humanity.
Buck up.
Stiff upper lip.
Rub some dirt in it.
Pick yourself up by your britches.
Dust yourself off.
These are all the insecure masculine idioms that basically say - “Stop being a pussy/whiny baby” about whatever it is that you’re feeling.
And look how well that has served mankind...hardly.
Being human brings forth all the emotions - the strong ones and the weak ones.
And are the “weak” ones of vulnerability, fear, guilt, shame, bad?
Sure, they lower your vibration, but that doesn’t mean that they are bad or that you’re bad.
THERE IS NO MORALITY ATTACHED TO ANY FEELING. NO “GOOD” EMOTIONS OR “BAD” EMOTIONS.
There is just what you feel. And the lesson behind what it is you feel.
And right now, I’m feeling a lot.
Feeling grief.
Feeling freedom.
Feeling shocked.
Feeling love.
Feeling supported.
Feeling numb.
Feeling sick.
Feeling connected.
Your feelings can be your greatest teachers about what you VALUE you most in life.
This experience with my dad has held a beautiful mirror to me, showing me things that I deeply value...
LIKE LIVING A LIFE OF PURPOSE AND SIGNIFICANCE.
Like maximizing your potential.
Like cultivating strong relationships with my kids, so they aren’t left feeling wanting for any love lost.
LIKE HAVING A STRONG COMMUNITY TO HOLD YOU UP WHEN YOU’RE FEELING TENDER.
Like forgiveness.
Like safety.
Like love.
I don’t know if I would have known those without the experience of grief, anger, rage, frustration, and pain that I’ve felt these past few days.
And I’m grateful for it.
FOR IT IS IN THESE EMOTIONAL EXPERIENCES THAT YOU HAVE A CHOICE, TO DOUBLE DOWN ON WHAT YOU VALUE OR TO ESCAPE FROM THE LESSON, BY TRYING TO ESCAPE THE EMOTION.
I saw the latter repeated time and time again growing up. It doesn’t serve.
Escapism is as much an addiction as the addiction itself.
It doesn’t grow you.
And it doesn’t strengthen you either.
STRENGTH IS FORGED THROUGH STRESS, THROUGH EXHAUSTING YOUR MUSCLES, WORKING THEM UNTIL THEY FATIGUE AND SAY “FINE, I’LL GET STRONGER.”
The emotional stress of feeling pain, guilt, fear, and looking it square in the face, working through it, till who you have been succumbs to the strength that is being forged within.
That is how you grow stronger, by fully experiencing the things that bring you to your knees.
I know this transition, this experience, this grief is shaping me from within for something magical - I’ve felt it since before my dad went into the hospital before he even got sick.
I knew there was SOMETHING that was going to happen that was going to create space for something new and magical, even though that “thing” is completely unknown to me.
SO EVEN THOUGH THERE IS DARKNESS, I SEE LIGHT.
Even though there is grief, I feel the pull of freedom.
My dad left me with the teaching and the most precious gift - a radical appreciation for breathing and life and a pulse in my heart for my own potential:
A hunger to serve, to grow, to continue on, to create masterpieces, to achieve and receive every one of my dreams, and to know deep in my heart that I was and always will be worthy of those dreams.
My dad’s final teaching showed me a life lived by someone who, yes, achieved a good amount, but never felt as if he deserved what he received, especially the pure love my son had for him.
And now, on the other side, his soul is in a space of infinite love and peace from all the fears and beliefs and demons that haunted him throughout his life.
In this new space, we both can soar.
So to quote my dad’s favorite musical, West Side Story...
Could be…
Who knows…
I’ve got a feeling there’s a miracle due,
Gonna come through,
Coming to me…
So strength I will find in this process, I know.
And hope I have for the magic and miracles to come.
But, for right now, it’s one day at a time.
Remember, your reign is now.
P.S. My dad was a HUGE gift giver. He loved lighting up other people with a fun gift or silly thing that he found. So to honor his spirit of generosity that will forever live in my heart, I wanted to give you a gift.
Click here to receive your FREE Love hypnosis, to start cultivating more love and deeper connection in your life.
LOVE THIS BLOG? CLICK AN IMAGE BELOW TO SHARE IT WITH YOUR FRIENDS ON PINTEREST.
