When Joy is Faced with a Scarcity Mindset
As a Type A, perfectionist, A+ student, I looooooved getting extra credit. Only 100? Why not 110%? Or 115%? Or...screw it...150%!! Yaaaaaas, teacher, please give me the extra work, the extra tasks, the extra assignments.
Easy to see how that could easily program one to associate MORE work, MORE suffering, MORE struggle with MORE results, right?
Here’s the thing...
MORE WORK JUST EQUALS MORE WORK.
And what I’ve seen working with high achievers for the past 3 years, and being one for the last...well, ALL the years of my life...is that so often we make it an even trade:
WORK X AMOUNT HARD = X AMOUNT OF RESULTS
Where are the miracles, the fun, the joy in that?
Where does that leave room for the Universe/God/ Source to show up in more powerful ways than you could have ever imagined?
YOU DON’T GET EXTRA POINTS FOR SUFFERING.
Yes, there will be struggles.
Yes, with every dream there will be challenges - challenges that are shaping you into the version of you who has/does/is what you desire to be/do/have
But suffering?
That’s a choice.
Choosing to be miserable, to have a “whoa is me” attitude, to be mired in blame, shame, and complaining about all the ways your life went wrong, or all the things that he/she/the government/whoever did to you...is a choice.
Because, now, you know that there IS another way of being.
Your perspective not only SHAPES your reality it IS your reality.
The problem isn’t the problem, your perspective is.
WHEN YOU LOOSEN THE FRAME OF YOUR PERSPECTIVE, YOU CHANGE THE PICTURE AND A NEW ONE CAN BE PUT IN ITS PLACE.
One of my FAVORITE ways to shift people’s perspectives is using Byron Katie’s Three Questions.
I literally use this framework every day in my own life and in practically every coaching session.
It goes like this…
You notice the behavior, the thing, the belief that isn’t producing the results you want. Let’s take suffering, for example, since we’re on the topic already. And the belief goes:
If I have more suffering, THEN I deserve to be successful.
Ugh, just writing that gives me the heebie-jeebies. So let’s break it down…
NO.1 - IS IT POSSIBLE THIS MIGHT NOT BE TRUE?
Is there any evidence to the contrary? Has this ALWAYS been true? Have you ever experienced the opposite? Who do you know who this is not true for? When has this not been true in your life? Is this Universally true? Is this ALWAYS true? Meaning, is this true for EVERY SINGLE HUMAN on the planet?
HINT: Unless it’s a Universal Law, then it’s a belief and every belief has “legs” (you know, like a table) to stand on. Those legs are the experiences that back up that belief. Beliefs you can change. Universal Laws...not so much...because they are true for EVERYONE.
So, specific to this belief, as a coach, I would also ask, “Have you ever had success come easily? Maybe not in your business? But when you met your partner and started that relationship, was that easy? Ever got a promotion or a new job with ease? Ever had a $10,000 client book you “out of the blue?”
And, I would push onward, depending upon what I already know about my client. It’s my job as a coach to strip you of ANY subconscious programming that’s holding you back.
NO.2 - HOW DO YOU FEEL WHEN YOU EXPERIENCE THIS BELIEF?
It aaaaaalll comes back to feeling. The feelings you feel are real. And if they are attached to a belief that makes you feel suffering, then probably the feelings you feel are pretty crappy.
What feelings do you experience when you have this belief? Are you woefully ecstatic to be suffering again? Are you a masochist? Do you like life feeling rough and hard and painful? Or would you rather feel a different way?
...Which leads me to…
NO.3 - WHAT IF YOU NEVER EXPERIENCED THIS BELIEF? HOW THEN WOULD YOU EXPERIENCE THE WORLD?
Oooooohh and this is where it gets beautiful. Because what happens when you don’t tie in suffering for the sake of suffering in order to be successful. It becomes easy. It becomes effortless. Sure there’s work, but it’s SOUL-fulfilling, not SOUL-suffocating.
You’d get to spend more time in your Genius Zone, doing the things that you were put on this planet to do and be. You would feel joyful, fulfilled, happy, because you’d be of service to the world.
But, don’t let me put my words about this belief in your mouth. Seriously, how would you feel if you never experienced this belief?
NO.4 - THEN GIVE MY 4 NEW EXAMPLES OF THIS OLD BELIEF NOT BEING TRUE.
Rebuild the new programming. Rebuild a new belief. Choose a new way of being.
Einstein said it best, “You cannot solve a problem from the same consciousness that created it.” Your consciousness is your belief systems, your perspectives, thoughts, and feelings that shape your identity. Change your beliefs. Change your identity. Change your results. Change your life.
Simple. No suffering required.
Remember, your reign is now.
P.S. It takes courage to feel fear and to choose a new way of being. In my #FortuneFavorstheBold course, I teach you TONS of other strategies and tools, to handle Fear in all her shapeshifting forms - imposter syndrome, comparison, abandonment, stuckness, being wrong.
Never before has the world needed you more to conquer fear so you can serve, lead, and take action to grow your empire now.
I haven’t offered this mini-course in 2 years on its own and for the crazy, ridiculous, no-brainer, let’s do this now price!
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P.P.S. And make sure to catch me on my friend, Megan Huber’s Leadership - Innovation - Action interview. It’s going to be LIVE on Tuesday afternoon PST/EST time which means I’m getting up super early for y’all in Australia time. So, support a sista in rising to catch the worm...eww...i mean coffee. Because let’s be honest, that’s the only thing I’m catching onto at 5 AM Gold Coast time. 😉