Kimberly Spencer (00:00:04) - Hello, my fellow sovereigns, and welcome back to another Crown Yourself interview with another queen. OMG I am so excited to bring you Jan “JOY” Hoath. Jan is basically the Queen of Joy. She has the most beautiful heart and love and fruit loop pants that you've ever seen in your entire life. And one of my favorite things about this interview was Jan faced something that every parent fears, desperately fears. And she and I have actually had in some ways some similar experiences in that space that I'll share in the episode coming out on Friday. It's a special episode. And with that interview. Jan gave this interview that you're about to listen to. Jan gave me the courage to really look at the deep end of joy, as she puts it, because Jan offers a unique blend and approach to her work, and she has a signature process called the Happiness Prism. Which. Allows her clients to build a no-regrets life. But it's the deep end of joy which we’ll dive into in this episode.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:33) - She's really where Joy is sourced because I've made the joke in my Communication Queens that I have been turned down for podcast interviews because they see my pictures, they see how smiley I am, and they're like, She's too motivational. What does she not know about pain and suffering or anything like that? And yet it is your pain and your suffering that you will discover how to transmute that like alchemy and turn those challenges, painful moments, those heartbreaking moments into the greatest ability that you have to experience a level of joy that you didn't know was possible. And Jan is phenomenal at taking you from that deep end and skyrocketing you to a whole new level of joy because it's only because you went into the deep end of that heartache and that challenge and that pain and that struggle. And you went through it and you faced that fire that you know and value the level of joy that comes out on the other side. You will see that joy isn't something that we have at the end. It is a vehicle and it is a way of living a legacy, not just a life, but a legacy.
Kimberly Spencer (00:02:57) - I am so excited to bring you this interview that truly, I have to say, touched my soul and my heart. And now it is my honor to give you Jan Joy Hoath.
Kimberly Spencer (00:03:52) - Jan, I am so excited to have you here and just dive into the deep end. Of course. Of course. A dog barks at this moment because the dog knows. The dog knows that we're diving into the deep end of joy, which means that not everything is perfect. And that's okay.
Jan Hoath (00:04:13) - Right, Right. I have a dog agrees, right? She is? Yes, she is my assistant, I have to admit. So she's probably a little envious that I've. I've blocked her out of the room. But yes, she's very much an affirming figure in my life. But yeah, we're totally diving into the deep end and I love that you want to start there because the truth is we can't have really true joy unless we've allowed ourselves to feel the depths of what I call the joy, which I encompass in all of the struggle and the frustration and the sadness and the despair and even depression and in the dark side of life that we think, is this all there is? But that's where the whole beautiful analogy of a starry night.
Jan Hoath (00:05:04) - You can't really appreciate stars unless it's the new moon when there's no other light.
Kimberly Spencer (00:05:12) - And I think that with. That deep end, because, I mean, there have been times where it's hard to see the stars. Right. Maybe you got some cloud coverage, right? So so, yeah. How do you navigate when you're in that space of only seeing the clouds and it's hard to even see the stars of the joy when you're in the depths of the deep end?
Jan Hoath (00:05:41) - Well, here's the very honest, vulnerable, transparent truth. It is very challenging. And I've been there so many times, though, and that's where I can stand on the other side of, you know, having built the muscle of faith and trust that, yes, when there are clouds, those stars are still there, the sun is still there. And rainbows abound. Like I say, I'm backed by rainbows. We can get into that later. But the truth is, it is a bit of a faith walk to appreciate that, you know, even when we're in the depths of despair and I've had depression, I had postpartum, I've had many challenging circumstances and I know you have too.
Jan Hoath (00:06:24) - That's why we can relate so well where we could have been taken, you know, completely out by life. But there was always something inside of me somehow, and this is my encouragement to listeners, is that? I like to say there is a way to find a little nugget, a little morsel, a little glimmer of hope, and even a little bit of joy and maybe a little bit of humor, even in the darkest of times. And that's where my story really highlights the fact that I've found joy in the darkest moments. Cancer scare with my son when he was six weeks old. Tragic death of my mother-in-law when she was visiting from overseas and more. And yet I can stand in this truth with full faith. Shoulders back. Arms up. High of. Yes, I believe you. Can anyone listening find a little bit of a glimmer of hope of possibility that will lead to the next step to appreciate that this darkness is not infinite? It is finite because the truth of who we all are is divine beings.
Jan Hoath (00:07:40) - And in that divine beingness we are all deserving. We are all worthy of something better. But to appreciate the darkness and again, get that this is a muscle and this is part of the depths of what I teach. And I know you teach in part two is learning to grow through it, learning to embrace the suck, so to speak, to appreciate that there are so many more souls that we can take away what I call the lessons and the blessings to move into our now that allow us to move into a brighter future of greater joy. That is what I believe in, my concept of the deep end of joy. And there will be a book hopefully soon. But the concept of the deep end of joy is you wouldn't want to dive off a high dive into a shallow basin. That the hide I of dive of joy. We have to know that there is a deep basin in that depths of whatever challenging circumstance that you may be in even right now or recently being in. Or you can look back and consider, oh yeah, oh yeah, that, that grew your capacity to receive more joy, to receive more of this entire beautiful, abundant life that we all have available to you.
Kimberly Spencer (00:09:00) - Mm, absolutely. Like could not agree more because I can definitely say before I had kids. Like the blame game was fierce and it's very easy. And what I found, what robs you of your ability and capacity to experience joy, is when you're in a space of blaming and complaining because then you're recycling the stuff that's not joyful and thus you're creating more garbage versus looking for those nuggets of joy. And I love that you said humor because my very, very good friend Amanda Wynn Lee, who wrote a book, The Noodle Chronicles, about her son's scare with cancer. She shared some really personal but funny stories of just how she found the moments of that fear like the moments of joy, the moments of goofiness, and positivity through that. And I think that that is something that it's a skill set to find. And how do we cultivate that skill set? Because I so I know so many of my audience get tripped up on the how and when you're in the Suck and the thick of it like.
Kimberly Spencer (00:10:25) - Training your brain to think in a new way other than you've been conditioned. And if you've been conditioned to blame and complain. Training your brain while you're in the SOC is it feels challenging. So how do we move forward when we're in the suck and retrain our brain to find those moments of humor and joy and light and love?
Jan Hoath (00:10:46) - I'm so glad you asked, and if that's okay, I'd actually love to share the story about my experience with my son. And yes, please. Because that's the real vibrant outcome of me finding my joy, as I like to say in my darkest hour. And I'm going to have to look up your friend's book. That sounds amazing. And I love her already. So thank you for being out there and, you know, expanding this conversation that I think everyone needs to hear in multiple times because it is. It's not what we normally hear in society. Yeah, we normally hear push-through and door make it happen. All the things. And this is where the story of my son's cancer scare is really like the polar opposite.
Jan Hoath (00:11:35) - And I'll just kind of give you the ending really quick so everyone doesn't have to be too nervous that he's a thriving ten-year-old now. And that he is a miracle, a medical mystery, and a medical miracle. And it resulted because of my joy because what happened was I was in the hospital like the day before we knew something was wrong. I'm changing his onesie and there's something up with his arm. But we didn't know what was happening. And so we called the doctor and they said, Oh, let's get a film. And then they look at an X-ray. And then the doctor who's looking at the X-ray says, Do you want to go to the children's hospital by ambulance or do you want to drive yourself? And it's like, what? Like, excuse me? And then the next thing you know, I'm in the cancer wing of the Children's Hospital with my six-week-old son. I have a two-year-old daughter at home with my husband because we can't all stay in the hospital room together.
Jan Hoath (00:12:32) - And I got to be the one to stay with him because I'm the breastfeeding mom and it's the morning after of it might be cancer. And of course, we get admitted late at night, so they can't do anything. We're just stuck to be in our horror moment. And I didn't pack for overnight. I did not expect this and I'm hungry and I need to feed myself and feed my son. And it's the children's hospital. So I open up the menu and through my tears, through my upset, through my like, what the heck, I see that I can order Froot Loops. I see that I can order Froot Loops and I'm now doing Fruit Loops. But here's why. The first voice that came to me was, You can't order Froot Loops. They're not nutritional because they all know they're not nutritional for you and your son. But the second voice that came over me that was louder and more compelling that came from within said, You're ordering the Froot Loops because you need soul nourishment. You don't need nourishment for your body.
Jan Hoath (00:13:41) - And I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm gonna order Froot Loops. And for those ten minutes, I laughed at the colors and the so not natural swirling in the milk. I don't really eat any of this anymore. But even as I was giggling at this moment, just at this moment, my son's giggling in the hospital bed next to me. He's picking up on the vibe of, Hey, mama. Yeah, it's going to be okay. And for those ten minutes, I got myself into a better place of feeling. I lifted my spirits, so to speak. But for a moment I really could feel into the vision and the intention that I had dead set. That was. This is not his end in this life and this is not my end. His mom in this life. I'm adamant about that. I don't know how, but we're going to get out of here alive. And here's what's going to happen. Well, I call this the fruit loop moment because it was spontaneous.
Jan Hoath (00:14:47) - I couldn't have manipulated it. I couldn't have manufactured it. But it was a burst of really divine opportunity to see something differently, just for a little while. Now, of course, I could go back to worry and I could go back to what if and all the things. But just for a moment I was in a better conscious state because joy is a level of consciousness almost to that of enlightenment, where we are clear and thinking where we are more connected to our intuition, to opportunities, people, places, things that will serve us and we're more repellent to things that won't serve us, such as, you know, feelings of depths of despair like this is impossible. We're not going to get out of here. Well, I. I like to say I found Froot Loop moments for the 12 days we were in the hospital. And yes, it was 12 excruciating days that I grew this muscle of joy and faith and believing and looking for the joy, even giving myself time to cry and be upset and horrified.
Jan Hoath (00:15:51) - But as I continued to find my joy and get into this better space of thinking, I made better sound decisions, I could have honest conversations with my husband about this is terrifying. And do we get a blood transfusion? That was such a hard decision to make. I just gave birth to this guy. I don't want someone else's blood in him. But you know what? It was the best decision. And we decided that it was magic blood. And then when we had to go in for numerous surgeries because they wanted to test and see what was in there, I could be in a state of faith and believing that it was going to work out for the best and trust in the doctors and have the tough conversations with the doctors. Because anyone who's been in a medical situation, say, here are all the terrible things, make a decision. You're like, Oh, great, that sounds all terrible. So all this to say after 12 days of. Not Christmas. 12 days of a harrowing cancer scare.
Jan Hoath (00:16:52) - We actually came out on the other side with a pat on the back saying we actually don't know what it is. It's a medical mystery. And we unofficially are declaring it a medical miracle. And they thought they were going to have to monitor him for six weeks, 12 weeks, and one year up till the age of 18, while on his one-year birthday, the still moves me. Even the orthopedic surgeon had his phone out taking pictures and said, This is a medical miracle. I don't need to see you ever again. Your son is completely healed and there's no evidence anything ever happened. And we had side-by-side slides. As before in a year lake. And so my advice to anyone, even when things are darker than dark and hope feels completely lost or almost completely lost, there are little glimmers of humor like your friend's book. There's little glimmers of hope and there's little glimmers of I can't do that. And it's like, oh, that's exactly what you need to do, because it's going to get you into a better place of thinking, in a better place of hope.
Jan Hoath (00:18:03) - And yeah, a little bit of joy along the way.
Kimberly Spencer (00:18:06) - Yeah, we make shit decisions when we're in a space of guilt, shame, blame, and fear. Right? Yeah. Yeah. And. And I. And I. And I. Oh, my gosh. That's so it's. Your story is so magical, and you and I are even more alike. More similar experiences. So the beauty is, is that. You know, it's when you see those moments and. Choosing to find joy. And I think that that's the biggest piece that I've found in any struggle. It's. Where does your line of choice end your ownership end? Because as I tell my clients, you can only take 100% ownership and personal responsibility. And blame is like where shame or guilt is like trying to take 10% of somebody else's personal responsibility. Versus, you know, where do you see the line of choice ending for choosing to find that joy instead of in those moments? When things are so challenging and when others around you may not see the joy or choose to see it.
Jan Hoath (00:19:32) - And that is, uh. That's. That is the hard part. I will admit that, because time and time again and that's where I have built the muscle, right? I've been at this basically my whole life of realizing I walk around with a big, big Cheshire Cat grin. In fact, I used to be made fun of for my smile. But I walk around and I see rainbows when other people just see darkness. And there is a level of taking 100% responsibility for even that. Like I get to see the better side. And I realize now, because time and again and again it feels better. I'm more empowered, I'm more equipped, I'm more confident, I'm more able to face whatever. So it's working for me and it's worth it. And I and I know when people are really starting out, you know, there is a little bit of, you know. Trust in what I'm saying. But I want to be very encouraging that what's really cool is there is a science to prove this.
Jan Hoath (00:20:34) - There are fantastic books. Rick Hansen wrote a book about that. I think it's called The Happiness Factor, but about the fact that when, oh, it's hard wiring for.
Kimberly Spencer (00:20:43) - Happiness, hard wiring, happiness. Yeah, yeah.
Jan Hoath (00:20:45) - When, you know, when you essentially look for the good, your brain starts to be trained to look for the good. So it does get easier. But it's just like any muscle when you go to the gym and you haven't been working out for a while like it's going to be a little funky at first. But what I can promise 100% guarantee is when we take 100% responsibility for our own experience and realize, yeah, maybe I can't control that specific circumstance, I have control over how I relate to it and I don't want it to take me down because I'm committed to the most joyful, beautiful life possible, the one where I get to contribute more and be more and experience more rather than living at the default, living at the victim, living in the blame, shame, and all the things that you were talking about like, yeah, no thanks.
Jan Hoath (00:21:40) - I'd rather be responsible for everything. And even, you know, I'm. I'm sure you're an Abraham Hicks fan, too. Yes. Talking about, you know, there's times when it's like when things are crummy and it's like like, oh, I did that. But when things are great. Oh, I did that, too. But realizing that there really is and I promise you, there are times and I have a vivid memory of something that happened recently where, like, sometimes it's like it's so absurd that you just have to laugh and like, feel like I have to tell the story now. I went to fill my tires. I went to fill my tires. And it's like, okay. And I've got my son with me and we're filling my tires. And then I'm down to the fourth tire and it's like, All right, we're going to get on our way. We've got all these things we're going to do. And I pulled the tire filler cord out, and all of a sudden, the entire plug of the tire comes off.
Jan Hoath (00:22:38) - And I'm sitting there and like, you know because your face is kind of close to it. And as the tires deflate, it's blowing in my face.
Kimberly Spencer (00:22:47) - And.
Jan Hoath (00:22:48) - Going back like a terrible 80s, you know, music video. And I'm like. Uh, my son's, like, near me, and I just start laughing hysterically, and he's like, What? I'm like, I can't do anything else but laugh here. This is absurd. And I was just filling my tire, and now it's flatter than flat. I can't go anywhere. I can't do anything. What? You can't get mad at the tire. I can't get mad at the pump. I can't get mad at myself. I can't get mad at my son. I can't get mad at things. It's just what is. And so once I had a good laugh with myself and my son and then it's like, okay, what are my choices? What options do I have to have here? And that's part of the joy factor for me is the fact that when you are in a better place to make sound decisions, then it's like, okay, I can call triple A, Oh, I can call this tire place, or I can tell that place, bah bah bah bah bah.
Jan Hoath (00:23:53) - Like all the opportunities show up to us rather than feeling helpless and like, victim and like, blame and whatever. Like, I did nothing wrong here. And there are so many times that I know with my clients too, it's like you did nothing wrong here. It's just what is. And you get to be responsible for how we go from here and that level of responsibility. Results in a certain level of outcome. Because I will tell you, I came from that space of joy and possibility. And you know what? I had the tire fixed within an hour. I also ended up having a magical date with my son at the coffee shop while we were waiting for the tire to get fixed. That was not going to happen anyway, but I was available to the miracle outcome of efficiency and effectiveness that also comes when we are willing to look for the humor, look for the better feeling, thought, and better emotion to be inside of so that we don't have to deal with all the stress and the upset and everything else.
Jan Hoath (00:25:04) - I literally sidestepped a whole journey of upset. Yeah, I hit humor right away off the bat.
Kimberly Spencer (00:25:14) - Oh, and I love that. It's so interesting because it just reminds me of literally. So many little things, like all those little things that used to, like, niggle at me like or piss me off. And I think as you evolve and one of my mentors, James Wedmore, said this, he's like the problems that I'm handling and I'm saying it as him. He's the problems that I handle on a daily basis would make most people who are just in the starting phases of their business freak the heck out. And I think that that's something that. I've noticed as I've gone through my journey with building a business and having two kids and now moving this current season over these past couple of years, it's been quite intense season and I know it has for many people, but it's created a lot of change And looking at, you know, little problems, like just yesterday, I, I had, um, I was going to get, I was going to find the joy in our move.
Kimberly Spencer (00:26:21) - And I was instead of being here during our open houses, I was going because our house is up for sale at the beginning of next month. I said, you know, I'm going to take the kids to Legoland. And I was so excited I was going to get on and take them to Legoland. And I was and my instinct just said, Just check your bank account. And I went and checked my bank account and it turned out somebody had hacked my bank account and put on heaps of fraudulent charges. And I was like, Well, fortunately, I still have the money to go to Legoland and like, I know how to deal with this, but it was like it dealing with it was it was just so silly and ridiculous. But in the past, I was like, I reflected on my journey where that would have brought me down, that would have o, y, and y and would blame me. And I should, you know, all the shoulds come in and oh, blame them, and how could somebody do this? And I'm like, somebody made a very stupid karmic decision that I don't have control over their karma, but I know what karma is and it's not going to be nice to them.
Kimberly Spencer (00:27:28) - Um, so I'm just going to do what I can to handle it, Take personal responsibility. Do what I can. Fix it, and move on. Done. No biggie. But it was like when you think of those little things and I know you work with a lot of high achieving women who are at that state of being so burnt out, so overwhelmed, they're not in a space of joy. And do you find that it's those like little niggling things that they're either avoiding or that pop up consciously or unconsciously, that they, you know, that come into their life, that I always like to say that what is unconscious manifests unhappily in what is conscious manifest happily? So looking at those things. But do you notice it's those little things that just kind of like tip somebody over the edge?
Jan Hoath (00:28:18) - Absolutely. Well, and that's, you know, the classic symptom of someone who's been ignoring for a long time. What says is there, joy, and what is really calling them? And like kudos to you to have the and like that's what I'm a stand for and that's what I work with.
Jan Hoath (00:28:34) - My high achieving women leaders around is like you handle the bank account issue and you went to Legoland like I'm all about the and like you're not going to give up. Like you were clearly adamant about having meaningful moments with your kids. And you had that and you handled the necessary factor. And I would be willing to wager that it's because you were in that joy state that you got that whisper of, Hey, check that bank account. Yeah. Because that's the state where we are in a more peaceful alignment with ourselves that we get those whispers that it's like it wasn't clearly what you were planning to do, but you heard. Because the thing is, is like there are whispers all the time. It's just whether or not we're available to them. But back to your question. Absolutely. What I found with my women is they've ignored the joy of peace for so long that they're not as intuitive and they think they have to push through and struggle through because most of them bootstrap to where they are. I mean, very few people actually were born into wealth and know how to handle it ongoing live at a high level.
Jan Hoath (00:29:41) - So all of my women have worked really hard to get where they're at and there's this certain level of like feeling like they still have to hold on that they won't necessarily be able to reach for the joy piece to. And this is where I want to and I'm using you as a beautiful example of you can you have you can protect and preserve what you built and created your bank account, right? And then you can still have that meaningful joy moment with your kids or with your spouse or with yourself. The thing of the thing is, is that those little pieces I found with my clients, it does push them over the edge because it's one more thing. It's that straw that broke the camel's back, so to speak, that they're at their wit's end, that their capacity for joy is so strong that we have to kind of start at square one to build the joy and faith muscle of, yeah, it's going to be okay if you take time off to go take care of you and your joy and you'll be able to come back and be more empowered around and more powerful in creating more wealth or success impact or whatever that influence piece, that leadership piece that they're up to.
Jan Hoath (00:30:55) - So ultimately, yeah, and I'm sure like your clients too, it's so fascinating how those little things can just take someone out. Yeah. And realizing those are the beautiful, meaningful moments that we can flip the script.
Kimberly Spencer (00:31:12) - And I love that you said flip the script because what I've seen is it's so often the language of how someone is languaging and gauging their problem and their own capacity and their own potential. Because if you're saying, you know if you want to go to that next level, whether it's in your career or in your life or in whatever area, or and find more joy, find more expansion, find more fulfillment. But you're using your language and you're saying, I've had enough. I'm so done. I'm like, And your language is gauging you and saying that you're capped. Then you're kind of trapping yourself in your own box with your own potential versus choosing to see, Oh, okay, this is just a universe's way of telling me that I can handle a lot and which is preparing me to thus handle more responsibility.
Kimberly Spencer (00:32:09) - Because with great power comes great responsibility. And if we're not being responsible both with our self-management and with that with which we manage then and the roles in which we play, then we're, we're tapping our own potential.
Jan Hoath (00:32:25) - Right? And we're capping the possibilities of that joy.
Kimberly Spencer (00:32:29) - And yeah, the potential for epic joy.
Jan Hoath (00:32:32) - Which where you'll also have more influence and impact? That's where the ripple effect and like my body of work is around something called the happiness prism. But that's the idea of there being backed by rainbows. But when we allow the full potential that you're talking about and we radiate to our fullest, what I say, Joy, potential. Then that's the rainbow effect, the ripple effect that we get to have out into the world, into our communities and to our families, of course, and way beyond integrated consciousness that, you know, as leaders, everyone and I know your clients, my clients like they want more for others. Yeah, right. We can only do more for others when we are more for ourselves first.
Kimberly Spencer (00:33:24) - Yeah. Yeah. And it's. It's so interesting. I found the language in which I was because I'm training for a marathon that was supposed to be in January. And of course, at the same time, we're moving. And so I allowed myself to surrender. I said, well, just because I may surrender the marathon doesn't mean I have to surrender the training. Like, doesn't mean I can't do it. I just may not fly to it like I can do it on my own terms or I can push the date and do another one in March. And that's what I chose to do. But it was from that place of joy and possibility. It allowed me to then look at and have the instinct. It was actually in a meditation. It was just like, just signing up for the marathon. You'll be here in March like you'll be back here in March. Anyways, it's right, it's in perfect divine timing and it was instead of this like, I have to do it this way by this date and all that and think so often, especially high achievers and women.
Kimberly Spencer (00:34:26) - What I've seen in particular get stuck on the half twos and the shoulds and how do we liberate ourselves from those half twos and shoulds of, of life and find that realignment back to that joy.
Jan Hoath (00:34:39) - Uh, and that's so good. And I'm so with you with languaging. And I love your TEDtalk, by the way, about decisions. But what I'm. What's coming up for me to share is the reminder and this is what I teach one of the big things I teach inside of my world of intention setting, of making the decision of you're going to run the marathon, for example. And by the way, I'm a marathon runner, too, actually.
Kimberly Spencer (00:35:01) - Of course you are.
Jan Hoath (00:35:02) - Did a 15-year run this summer. That was crazy. It was a wilderness race and it was up and over mountain 7000 vertical feet up and down. It was crazy.
Kimberly Spencer (00:35:13) - And it was such a badass. And I want to do that with you.
Jan Hoath (00:35:20) - And it took a lot of commitment, right? And I didn't know like I knew I wanted to run a 50K.
Jan Hoath (00:35:26) - So this is where using myself and yourself as an example here that, you know, the intention is to run the marathon or run the 50K or whatever that is, right? Someone might be at a 5K level. We honor that but appreciate that the intention is to fulfill it. And my intention whenever I sign up for a race at any length is to finish with a smile. I finish with a smile. So in the fulfillment of and deciding that I'm going to run this race and finish with a smile, maybe the trajectory shifts from one particular location in one marathon to another or a year. I was signed up to run a marathon last September and I got injured last summer in my training and I was able to push it ahead to this year. So I was able to actually run the marathon, which was two months after the 50K Oh my gosh, my legs were not happy with me, but still finished with a smile holding my husband's hand and that that hard, fast languaging that you're talking about that think some people, you know, pinch off what else gets to be possible.
Jan Hoath (00:36:38) - When we get so stuck to and attached to a particular way your intention still gets fulfilled. My intention was still got fulfilled. I've been wanting to run a 50K for a decade now. But I knew that timing was of the essence and it was going to take a lot more training than I've ever known. So I gave myself space and girth around that and think that some, you know, loving. The invitation I have for anyone around languaging. Like what you talk about in deciding this is it, this is what's going to happen. But giving grace to giving space to letting the divine. Dance within that possibility of what really is the highest and best good. Because as I teach intentions with my clients, I always bless them with this or something even better for the highest good for all concerned. And so it is.
Kimberly Spencer (00:37:32) - And so it is. I say the exact same thing, Jan like this or something better. And that's like that's what we keep saying with this house. It's like it's this or something better.
Kimberly Spencer (00:37:42) - I mean, like the house looks really good and it's this or something better. So you either get what you want or you get the lesson you need. I mean, for me, it's so interesting because. Coming full circle. My, I chose instead to postpone the Disney World marathon and then I said I'll just run the la marathon. The L.A. Marathon was one that I was supposed to run back in March 2020. And then my husband said, Oh, I got an offer to go to Australia for a convention which ended up with us. And my gut was like, skip the marathon, go to Australia. We ended up getting stuck there during the pandemic and it was the most fun two years of living by the beach. And it was fantastic, but it was because I chose to surrender the form and I knew that I'd run a marathon again.
Jan Hoath (00:38:34) - At some point.
Kimberly Spencer (00:38:34) - Yeah, at some point.
Jan Hoath (00:38:36) - Yeah. So it is.
Kimberly Spencer (00:38:38) - And so it is it's just the timing may not be in my own, you know, making of what I think that it should quote unquote to go back to the shoulds be Yes.
Kimberly Spencer (00:38:49) - Yes. And how do you like especially when you're facing the deep end of the dark times? It seems to me that stripping away the shoulds. And the self-blame, particularly of like a like this shouldn't have happened or the blame of self is one of the hardest ones to work through. And so when you're focusing that arrow of the blame on yourself and putting yourself in the villain space when you're making those shifts, how do you make your shift back into a state of joy so that you're at ownership and full responsibility and presence rather than in that space of blame, which then can lead you down a very dark spiral of shame and self-hatred.
Jan Hoath (00:39:40) - Right. And a self-perpetuating cycle of downward spiral. Yeah. Well, and I love that you ask this and this is honestly, it's truly the secret to absolutely anything and everything and every spiritual leader. Will. Will. Stand in this with me, and I'm sure you will, too. Is the practice of forgiveness. Starting the practice of forgiveness of self, which is so hard.
Jan Hoath (00:40:09) - And yet. It is so necessary because it gives space to healing and it gives space to the awareness that there is something more. It gives space to the understanding that, like, you know, no matter what, like we're going to be okay. And what I want also everyone to hear. I want everyone to hear this because I tell my clients this all the time, especially when they're in any of those downward spirals you are already forgiven. By the divine. By what? What else is so? And so it's letting that forgiveness in of shining it on yourself. That can give space to what else is possible. And that is the building block of joy. Because if you can't forgive yourself, which is the ultimate forgiveness, it's a lot of times easier to forgive others than it is ourselves. I mean, again, every spiritual leader I know has a forgiveness practice. And I'll tell you what, personally, it used to be that I was forgiving others because, you know, blame and everything.
Jan Hoath (00:41:19) - My daily forgiveness practice is to myself.
Kimberly Spencer (00:41:22) - What is your daily forgiveness Practice? I have to know.
Jan Hoath (00:41:26) - Um, well, I have a meditation cycle that I go through if you will, and part of it is sitting in really looking at what am I forgiving myself for today? In pinpointing what are the specific pieces? Where was I short with my kids? Where was I? You know, maybe overgiving. Sometimes that's a little something I deal with. But where was I? Where did I go? Outside of myself in pinpointing specific pieces and really sit in that and then honestly go into. And I haven't shared this in this format before, but I go into I know that you source energy from God, Goddesses, Divine spiritual team already. Forgive me. And so I'm going to forgive myself in this space. And when I sit in that, I get this wave of emotion. Sometimes it's with waterworks. A lot of times it's just this like. It's almost like I have this image even as I'm talking like when all the mechanisms of a very intricately built clock or something kind of come into place, into a locking system, and then I feel this alignment come in.
Jan Hoath (00:42:51) - Of the ultimate forgiveness of myself allows me to be more of myself today. And from there, I can stand in more joy possibilities and I can stand in Where do I need to clean up and take responsibility for something? Or where am I going to shift the way? Oh, I'm not going to be as short with my kids. I'm going to take the time. This is one of my secrets. I just shot a video on this for lonely leaders to rediscover their joy and it's like take five minutes and just take in yummy time with your loved ones. Just appreciate them, you know? But that space of just taking those few minutes is within a larger meditation that I do daily. But allows for that space of self-love, self-compassion, and self-kindness. Because the truth is if we are self-loving and self-compassionate and kind and therefore we can self-trust. Then we treat others with greater grace, and then we can be better leaders and we can be better moms and wives and spouses and friends and sisters and daughters and in community members in this larger, you know, context of life.
Jan Hoath (00:44:12) - But taking that forgiveness practice really to heart is very humbling for sure. But it's very empowering and freeing and liberating, to use one of your words.
Kimberly Spencer (00:44:25) - Oh, and it goes back to that dichotomy of the similarities of opposites, the deep end, the dark side, and then the joy. So the humility, but also the empowerment that comes from it. And so it's the opposite of the ego and it's a complete yes. And of like, yes, you can be humble and human and make those mistakes and you can be empowered and guided. And I just love your forgiveness practice. And it's very interesting because it comes right from a moment that I had with my son. And it was a lot literally last night. And he had just had a five-year-old moment dealing with change. And after a while and he calmed down and I said, you know, you need to forgive your brother. I mean, you need to say you're sorry to your brother.
Kimberly Spencer (00:45:26) - But you also need to forgive yourself. And like and I realized, oh my gosh, I haven't said that to him. Like, I hadn't said that to him before. And practicing and remembering to practice that art and peace of self-forgiveness, because it was it was something that I personally struggled with for years. Like the I was very skilled at taking on everybody else's, you know, blame and blaming myself and taking more responsibility than my 100%. And I know that you came to this path of joy and spiritual awareness. Not easily. I mean, you had some pretty big struggles with your mom and then as a professional skier. So can you share a little bit about the path that led you to unlock this level and the depth of joy that you have?
Jan Hoath (00:46:21) - Um, how much time do.
Kimberly Spencer (00:46:24) - We have got? Time.
Jan Hoath (00:46:28) - Gosh, my gosh. Yeah. And by the way, that's such a gorgeous story with your son. Like, again, what a gift. Yeah, right. We don't even know the full effect and ripple effects, but we know, like, it'll be amazing that he has that gift and always, you know, have the same experience with my kids are a little bit older but just it's so yummy when you can see that that kind of wisdom that we've learned is landing for them a few decades earlier.
Jan Hoath (00:46:58) - Oh, my gosh. Um, but yeah, I mean, you've provided me with a gorgeous space to share a bit more of my story. Oh, my gosh. Mean Joy just has been. It's been everything to me. It's. It's helped me obviously move through, you know, a cancer scare with my son. But if we back the timeline up further. Mine was a 16-year-old with deep depression and lost my identity. I was a swimmer. And then I was not because I had dislocated my shoulder. Reconstructive surgery didn't know who I was. And. The opportunity came to go to Germany as an exchange student, and that seemed crazy. But then the special person and we all have these angels, people that are just random people. It seems like air quotes in our life that provide us with an opportunity. And this was a German substitute teacher that said, I think you ought to apply for this scholarship. And a light bulb went off and opened inside of me and I poured myself into the application.
Jan Hoath (00:48:09) - And long story short, I ended up getting the scholarship and went to Germany as a 16-year-old. But what that was, was what I see was a playful future, a joyful future to step into. It took me far away from this identity of swimmer or not from this town that I was living in and everything. And. And it let me go try something new, be something new and experience something new. And that was, I would like to say my first real spiritual awakening. There's so much more to this life than we can even imagine. And that was, you know, the first kind of big stone of awareness and faith building of, wow, if I follow my joy, everything works out well. Fast forward, I'm graduating college and I had studied German. I had another year in Germany and I had this awesome corporate job offer in Germany that my dad was awesome to help set up and also had started professionally ski instructing. And I had the opportunity to go ski instructor in the Rockies and I was sitting with this decision Do I follow the corporate job with a great payout and you know, all the awesome who have living overseas fresh out of college or do I go ski instructor in Aspen? And I sat in that moment and actually, the vivid moment was I was sitting on my childhood bed and I was called to look to the side.
Jan Hoath (00:49:46) - And on the wall was this poster of a skier that says Aspen underneath. That I have been sleeping under this poster for years and want. I know my answer. And thankfully I had parents that were like, We get it. It's Jan, She's gonna go, She's going to do we have to honor it? Well, I went to Aspen Ski as instructed, and then here's another dark end, by the way, a deep, dark side and deep end. Partway through the season, I broke my collarbone and I was so bombed I missed the first part like a big chunk of my first season as an Aspen ski instructor. And I'm loving it. And life is awesome. And here I can't ski for six weeks. Well, I got back on the snow when I was complaining to one of my Australian colleagues and he goes, Why don't you come teach with us down Under? And I was like, Yeah, why not? So I followed the joy to Australia in What was crazy is at the time I was supposed to go and I have a feeling this is your story too.
Jan Hoath (00:50:51) - I was supposed to go with a couple of other people. They all bailed. I went by myself halfway around the world to go ski instructor there, you know, in the southern hemisphere is summer there. Winter's first day of school. I meet this very lovely Australian man who is my husband.
Kimberly Spencer (00:51:12) - That is awesome. I too, met my husband on a night that my friends bailed on me. So and I was like, Screw that. I'm going. I don't care if I go by myself.
Jan Hoath (00:51:25) - Great.
Kimberly Spencer (00:51:25) - And so it's I mean, think that that's. Such a testimony of being able to lean into your own internal compass when it comes to making a decision like if the rest of the world bails on you when it comes to your decision and you still choose to lean in, amazing things can happen.
Jan Hoath (00:51:49) - Absolutely. Absolutely. And that's where, you know, the invitation here for everyone listening is that reminder that we are all here to live our own unique paths. And look, it's scary.
Jan Hoath (00:52:02) - It is lonely. I mean, deal with that with my clients a lot, as I'm sure you do, too. It's lonely at the top. You're blazing a trail. You are truly cutting the trail where no one else is gone. So of course it's going to feel scary and awkward because no one else has done it. But that's where my story is. And I know your story, too. It's always worked out and it's building that joy and faith muscle of what I talk about the joy-led life. That when we follow our joy and our heart, like things work out in ways far beyond what we could have manufactured and kind of back to weaving some of the things we talked about, you know, of having the intention of running a big race or, you know, building a business or whatever, moving house, whatever, but giving way to the something better, giving way to what else is possible. Like I could not have manufactured that I would meet my now amazing husband. By following my joy to go to Australia and mean.
Jan Hoath (00:53:10) - I remember vividly it was scary buying the plane ticket. It was scary committing. It was scary like thinking I should have a proper summer job and going and playing in Australia instead, but following through on, you know, the ski career, which now, you know, I'm not formally a ski instructor anymore, but I did get to the level of full certification professional ski instructor. And what's really cool now is we live in Jackson Hole, Wyoming. I have a relationship with Jackson Hole Mountain. One of the owners, Connie Kemmerer, is huge into mindfulness. She spends time with His Holiness. We have created, and I'm the lead facilitator of a mindful ski camp where I blend ski and snowboarding, by the way, where I blend my skill set of having been a ski instructor and snowboard instructor into the experience of mindfulness. And of course, the outcome is joy. But all these things were all the bits all along, like all the dots I can connect now of. I couldn't be here.
Jan Hoath (00:54:15) - I couldn't be leading. And we're getting into our fourth season of it, of having this mindful ski and snowboard camp of Jackson Hole, which is unprecedented, that the only way I was able to really fulfill her vision was because I had this plentiful, Bountiful, colorful background as a professional ski instructor where I know we've talked about offline. You know, I can hang with the boys and always have had to with skiing because it is you know, there are some, you know, hardcore levels that we hit in skiing that it's only when, you know, you really put your heart and your mind and full commitment into that, You know, I can ski a double black and not be shy about it. I can drop a cliff and not be shy about it because I've put the time and effort and energy and, you know, built to be a badass.
Kimberly Spencer (00:55:13) - I can definitely, certainly say I've never dropped a cliff. Bungee jumped. Yes, but dropped a cliff. No, that sounds terrifying, but awesome time.
Jan Hoath (00:55:26) - Right. But it's also mindfully done. It's not just fucking off hurling off. And that's where I also want to encourage everyone listening to, you know, this level of joy I'm talking about. It's a muscle that's been built. The capacity of my joy and your joy has been built over time so that I can mindfully leap off a cliff or high dive and know that I can land it because that deep basin has been built over time. Self-trust, trust in the surroundings. And you know what we do in the mindful ski camp and snowboard camp as we get into the mind-body-spirit in nature, which is really cool because I'm all about the embodiment of joy. It's just not just, you know, and love getting to talk about it with you. But what really excites me is getting into it. Yeah. In that the, you know, because words don't teach you.
Kimberly Spencer (00:56:18) - Yeah, yeah. Actions speak far louder than words.
Jan Hoath (00:56:22) - Right? Action speaks louder. But it's experiences that teach us.
Jan Hoath (00:56:26) - Yes. Oh, that felt really good. Oh, that didn't feel so good. Oh, that got really good. Oh, that didn't feel so good. And that's also part of this joy in the deep end it's not just talking about walking the scary experience. It's actually getting in there, making the tough decisions, following through, following up, and standing fully in what else gets to be possible here.
Kimberly Spencer (00:56:53) - Oh, I love that. Jan, you are such a joy and a gift. And I have loved this conversation and I would love to pivot into some rapid fire. Are you ready?
Jan Hoath (00:57:06) - I'm ready.
Kimberly Spencer (00:57:07) - Time to hang with the big boys or.
Jan Hoath (00:57:12) - The queen bees.
Kimberly Spencer (00:57:13) - It is time to hear what the. Hang with the queen bees. So who is your favorite female character in a book or a movie? And why?
Jan Hoath (00:57:23) - Well, what's coming to mind? Because I'm coming off of a snow conversation Elsa got to love Elsa and Frozen and owning her cold and not being afraid and then realizing it's her love that controls her power.
Jan Hoath (00:57:39) - Yeah, and of course, you know, have a daughter. So, yeah, we had the whole Elsa phase and I got to.
Kimberly Spencer (00:57:45) - Ask Frozen one or frozen two. Which one's better?
Jan Hoath (00:57:49) - I'm kind of a classic fan. I appreciated hearing how it continued, but there's just something still magical that it was the sister that was the heroine, you know, gotta love that girl, power and sisterhood and everything else. But yeah, that's what comes to mind.
Kimberly Spencer (00:58:09) - I'm a diehard Frozen two fan and I'm like, Frozen one's good, but Frozen two. I was like, Oh, I feel like I called in my second child with that, with that show yourself of just showing yourself your power and going really into the unknown. Because I saw it when I was living in Australia and like didn't know what the heck was happening next. So next, what is who is your favorite? Who, what? Forgot my random question. So who what words? Words are coming to me. They are coming to me right now.
Kimberly Spencer (00:58:46) - What woman Dead or alive, past or present would you want to change places with Just for a day? Now, obviously, if she's dead, that means not in her corpse. Unless you know that's what you want. But in her, like as she was living.
Speaker 3 (00:59:02) - Oh.
Jan Hoath (00:59:05) - Oh, my gosh. This is a really good question. All these, like, women have blown through my mind. Are mean. Don't know. There are just so many. This is the hard question.
Kimberly Spencer (00:59:31) - If you had to pick 1 in 5, four, three, two, one, two.
Jan Hoath (00:59:36) - I'm gonna go Oprah. I do think she's a cool woman. And, you know, just to spend a little bit of time in her skin and see what she sees from the wealth of talk about a very strong faith path of going through the darkness and going to the high dive over and over and over again. I just think it would be pretty magical to experience a day in their life just for a little while from her world.
Jan Hoath (01:00:05) - Like, of course, she's me, you know, also one of my wishes that I'd love to sit on her sofa or be on her Super Soul Sunday or something. I know you would do, but I like to be across from her to bet, but actually to be a day in the life of it feels pretty awesome too.
Kimberly Spencer (01:00:21) - Yeah. So what would you define to be your kingdom?
Speaker 3 (01:00:32) - Mm.
Jan Hoath (01:00:37) - I feel like it's. It's. Everything around me, everything that I've created, everything that I've allowed, everything that I've grown through, everything that I've influenced, everything that's influenced me from my family too, you know, there's the physical, but it's more of an energetic space. Of expansion and growth and wonderment. And of course, joy and, of course, influence. But it's definitely. Freedom and feeling first. And it's also held with reverence. An appreciation. That I get to. I am the one too. And from there. Be the mom. Be the wife. Be the sister.
Jan Hoath (01:01:37) - Be the. The client. Be the mentor. Be the thought leader. Be the podcast guest. But a sense of. Regal. Reverence. In the 40. Matched with all of the humility we've talked about two of. Wow. This is precious and this is something to behold. But I can also hold it with gumption and audacity. And that's what I'm doing, too.
Kimberly Spencer (01:02:09) - Amen. So what is your morning routine to bring this down into the physical plane of, like, tactical habits that sets you up for success?
Jan Hoath (01:02:18) - Right? Well, this.
Kimberly Spencer (01:02:19) - Is my fall. Joyful day.
Jan Hoath (01:02:21) - Joyful day. Well, and this is definitely what I teach actually, in my group program, fueled by my joy because it's all about setting up the joy muscle, which is that particular program's 100 days. But it's so that we build this muscle. But my routine involves the three sides of my happiness prism, which are play peace, and progress. So got to do something playful every morning and it doesn't have to take long.
Jan Hoath (01:02:47) - And obviously have a whole program journey around play. But the really succinct version is, is doing something that brings you joy. Joy as a call, play as joy in motion, no other agenda but get me in my joy. It might have a little snooze, it might be get up and have a dance party. It might be to go sit in my hot tub when the snow is falling outside and connect with nature that way. And or it might be, you know, connecting with spouse or kids or whatever, but a little bit of play. Or it could just be having a nice cup of coffee piece, which for me is usually meditation, but I know not everybody's into meditation, but it can just be having a couple of breaths. It can just be laying peacefully and just being aware of the body and surroundings and maybe a prayer, maybe journaling, but doing a little something in peace and then progress. Progress is usually a movement for me, sometimes plays movement, but the progress I require for my clients and myself is some kind of movement to get the heart pumping, to get the body moving, to get the energies flowing.
Jan Hoath (01:04:01) - And then kind of a second part of progress is usually taking care of that one action that like if I just it's the big domino. I know you've read that and I'm sure you're right. The one thing like what's the one action I can do that will set me up for greater success today? And it's usually like the thorn in the side action of writing that email or you know do that thing business or you know personally that I know if I get that done, I'm going to feel so much better. Yeah, but moving around the happiness prism is what ultimately optimizes me and my joy. And that's exactly what I teach my clients to do to truly be set up for the greatest, the greatest radiance and, you know, the ripple effect and rainbow effect.
Kimberly Spencer (01:04:48) - I like grandiose. I think that we should make that a word. Like I think that that should absolutely be a word. The greatest radius. Just combine the two. Yeah.
Jan Hoath (01:05:01) - Of making up words. I know. Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer (01:05:03) - Same here. Yes. So what is your nighttime routine that allows you to have a successful morning? A joyful, amazing success? Because I assume that you define success in terms of joy, not in terms of what other people how other people may define success, which I do as well. So that's why we get along.
Jan Hoath (01:05:25) - Yes, I know. I like to say success without joy is not success at all.
Kimberly Spencer (01:05:31) - No, it's not. So.
Jan Hoath (01:05:32) - Yeah. Yes. So my nighttime routine. Well, this is kind of a funny thing that I've done newly for my joy is I am learning banjo. I know you play piano, but I'm learning the banjo. And so I spend a little time on my banjo. My banjo. And I have a moment. So that's kind of the beginning of my, like, calming time. And then I usually read a little bit with my kids or snuggle with them, and then I crawl into bed with my husband and my dog that you all got to hear barking earlier, who is a £80 Bernese Mountain dog who thinks she's a snuggle lap dog.
Jan Hoath (01:06:15) - Another story for another time, but crawl into bed with my journal and I go into spending a little bit of time journaling about what I'm thankful for out of my day, kind of capturing what are some of the things I need to know for tomorrow so I don't go to sleep with them swirling? Yeah, I set a nighttime intention. Where I tune into, you know, and I believe and I'm sure you do, too, that there are things that happen at night that even scientists can't prove. But it's actually a powerful time for our subconscious to lock things in. So I journal an intention of I intend to receive answers on this, or we tend to receive healing around this, or intend to release any non-serving energies and then of course always finish with this or something even better for the highest good for all concerned. Ha. And then. Close the journal. And then sometimes I read a novel that is fun that I, you know, is fun to go into another world. Yeah. Around And your kids aren't there yet but have some books for you when you get there.
Kimberly Spencer (01:07:25) - Oh, yeah, yeah, absolutely.
Jan Hoath (01:07:28) - But, you know, sometimes it's fun to read a book about something in another world just to kind of go somewhere for a little while. And then I do close my eyes and just take a couple of breaths and have kind of a mini nighttime meditation as I drift off to sleep.
Kimberly Spencer (01:07:46) - Oh, I love it. Beautiful. And lastly, how do you crown yourself?
Jan Hoath (01:07:54) - Yeah.
Jan Hoath (01:07:55) - That is a good question and I feel like I'm giving a little insight into one of my programs, the Queen Joy Program.
Kimberly Spencer (01:08:03) - Ooh, yes, please.
Jan Hoath (01:08:06) - Energetically, I tune in and meditate and I imagine my higher self reaching her beautiful hands down and placing a crown atop my head. And I use that as a moment to tune in to what's the material of the crown and what, you know, colors and different things so that I can understand also what's the message of for me to be my most regal self? My most sovereign self. And I imagine as the hands are coming down, my shoulders are rolling back and my chin is held a little bit higher as I receive the crown.
Jan Hoath (01:08:45) - And then I can feel it energetically being placed atop my head. And then I thank her for being here and placing that crown. And then I move on to the rest of the meditation.
Kimberly Spencer (01:09:01) - Jan, I love that meditation. That's so beautiful. Thank you for sharing that with us. How can we work with you? I know you've mentioned a few programs that you have. Where can we find you? How can we work? You tell us all about where to get more joy with Jan.
Jan Hoath (01:09:19) - Well, the easiest is probably to ping me on my website. It's Jan Hoath, Jan Hoath and through there, you can book a chat and we can have an exploratory call because actually, my flagship program of joy, the one is a journey of transcendence from who you think you are to knowing who you're meant to be. And I am truly honored to take amazing, beautiful souls like these in your audience through a journey of self-actualization. And so again, probably the easiest way is to ping me on my website.
Jan Hoath (01:10:00) - But you're also welcome to email me privately. I would love to connect if there's anything that I can do or be a contribution to you in your joy, because the more joy in this world, the better.
Kimberly Spencer (01:10:11) - Amen.
Jan Hoath (01:10:12) - Yeah, but my email is Jan at Jan Hoath. I'm on Instagram and Facebook as well. But thank you. I'm oh, this has been so good and I would just be so honored to contribute more to anyone in any way. And I just really I really thank you for hosting this beautiful conversation of Queen Bee ongoing. Lee And I want to thank all of the listeners who have been tuning in and letting us riff off each other, sharing, you know, our own insights and anecdotes of really how great, this wondrous journey of leadership can be when we show up for all of it, the darkness and the light. There's so much to behold in the experience. And there's more to come. It's infinite.
Kimberly Spencer (01:11:04) - The best is yet to come, my friend.
Kimberly Spencer (01:11:06) - Indeed. Oh, Jan, I loved this conversation. And if you love this conversation, be sure to take a screenshot of it and share it in your insta stories. Tagging both me at Crown Yourself now and Kimberly Spencer as well as Jan and her Instagram, which will be in the description below so that you can share your big takeaways. That's the biggest thing that I love seeing from every single one of you. And beyond that, as always, my fellow sovereigns on your throne. Mind your business because your reign is now.
