Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - Holy shit sovereigns. We have hit 200 episodes of the Crown Yourself podcast, formerly The Princess and the Bee. I am so honored to be here with you. Thank you so much for your listenership. Thank you so much for subscribing. Thank you so much for the heaps of reviews. You guys just keep leaving. I am so honored and so grateful to you. This podcast would not be possible without you. Without you sharing this with friends, without you getting those divine downloads that are like, Oh, you need to share this with so-and-so or you need to give this to your business partner, or you need to have your best friend listen to this or you need to share this in a, in a Facebook community. Like I am blown away, by you guys. And I am so honored to be here with you sharing in this experience of 200 episodes, as my Queen team says, like to the next 200, Let's go. I am so excited because this next 200 is going to be doubling down on your sovereignty giving you the tools of strategies and bringing you even more spiritual and esoteric concepts that have really been able to transform my life and that I see every day transforming my clients' lives.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:13) - And I am so honored to be here with you. Thank you so, so much. I could not have thought of a better topic for today's episode than how to get what you want. Whatever it is that you want to achieve or receive or have in life. This podcast can help you with that. On how to get crystal motherfucking clear on what it is that you want. I am blown away by you. Thank you so much for your reviews, for sharing your podcast, for opening up your hearts, and for giving me your questions so that I can help support you and serve you with my own. Like Liam Neeson says. A special set of skills. Thank you so much for the 200 amazing episodes. We did it to the next 200. Let's fucking go. I'll see you in the episode. Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body, and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself, and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, and TEDx speaker, known to my clients as a game changer.
Kimberly Spencer (00:02:31) - Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Hello, my fellow sovereigns. I know it's been a while, hasn't it? I have been on such a journey with my own development that I've kind of been in this little chrysalis of an awakening of different tools. I got my master pack and NLP certification. I got my master pack and timeline therapy and hypnosis, and now I'm doing this very intensive mastermind with my mentor just for accelerated personal evolution, learning how to work with the higher conscious mind and combine it with the unconscious mind and your conscious mind. And so accessing just an entirely different realm of abilities, tools, and dare I say, technologies because when you are able to do something repeatedly, that's a technology. And so technologies that our minds are capable of and that I am so excited to share with and use and help to teach to, to support you in growing and evolving your belief system so that you too can believe that anything is freaking possible.
Kimberly Spencer (00:04:09) - And this morning my mentor would probably say that doing this podcast right now is preventing me from doing my homework. So we're just all going to consciously agree that that is the case and we're going to make a conscious choice that I am avoiding for the next 20 minutes so I can be here with you and then I will get right back to doing my homework. But I wanted to come on because I just felt, you know, when you feel the message coming through and you start ruminating on something, you're like, I have to share this. I have to serve this with this, I have to use this, I have to they got to know. So just, you know, it's that it's that epic feeling of desire to serve. And it's this one piece that I've been ruminating on as I have been onboarding more and more clients for our Communication Queen's Agency. And it doesn't matter whether it is for our agency or for my coaching business. No one no one, absolutely no one in the history of six years of coaching and I am going to venture to say that I am not the only one who has seen this in my industry of coaching, consulting, education, you know, growth mindedness, personal development, all that.
Kimberly Spencer (00:05:26) - I'm going to venture to say that I'm not the only one. No, what? No one in the history of my coaching business, which is now going on six years, has ever said to me that they want normal. No one has said it in their application to work with me. No one has said it in their coaching kickoff packet, which is like this giant packet that my clients go through. It goes through some deep work that dives into everything. So I really, really know them and how the construct of their minds works and their current belief system and their current construct of reality. So I can see how to shake certain frames to get them the results that they desire. Obviously, if you want to have something new or you want to do something new in your reality, you're going to have to change who you are. And people get very comfortable in their constructs, but not in six years of any coaching session. No coaching session. Has anyone ever said they wanted normal? No one, nor do I believe that it will ever be used for anyone.
Kimberly Spencer (00:06:25) - I don't think anyone. Has said that yet. Now, I may be wrong and I am fully happy to be proven wrong. But what I see is that normal is not something anyone wants. And even when people say that they want normal, like even if, let's say hypothetically someone says, I just want to be normal. Like, do you? Now, sometimes that can come from the place that you're standing out, and that's very much the in Australia they call it the tall poppy syndrome, where all the poppies are the same height. And then there's that one, and then the poppies literally like cut it down and strangle that poppy and bring it down back to the height of everyone else in America. It's called the crabs in a bucket. I think it's another idiom in the UK that's different. And I know that there's one in South Africa that's a different idiom. That's but it means the same thing. It's like if you put one crab in a bucket, it'll crawl out because the environment does not cause it to feel that gets pulled back.
Kimberly Spencer (00:07:30) - So if it wants something, it goes for it. But if you put a crab in a bucket with multiple crabs as one crab tries to crawl out of the bucket, the environment that it is in will try to pull it back down. Same with tall poppy syndrome. So even though if you have ever said like, I just want to be normal because I know I've said that myself, I've never said that in the past six years because I recognize my abnormalities and my desire for being extraordinary rather than ordinary. But if you've ever I remember when I was like in high school, 16, 17 years old, I would be like, I just want to be normal because I was the high achiever. I was the one who was doing plays and putting on productions and wanting to go for goals. Back then I wanted to work in Hollywood and I was like, I just wanted to leave high school so badly and just immediately go to work in the entertainment industry. I was a hustler. I immediately out of high school, I got an internship at an agency.
Kimberly Spencer (00:08:28) - I got some training, obviously, because now I'm launching my own agency. It all comes. It's all cyclical. It's coming back. And I got work as a screenwriter, as a script reader. So for a production company, I read hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of scripts and wrote tons of pages of I forget what they call it now, but it's where you basically write the review of the script. So like everybody's script is there, like Dream. And I felt very responsible for that. I was like, I'm holding these people's babies in in my hands and letting them know if their baby is worth getting produced and going on to the next stage. Because in some were just some were just atrocious. But I was very I was as kind as I could be, but there were somewhere I just had to tell my producers like, yeah, that one, the plot completely drops off. And so, yeah, so just know that some of you want to go down the screenwriting path and Hollywood is your dream, like it's not you personally, nor is it your skill set.
Kimberly Spencer (00:09:26) - It could be some 18-year-old who's reviewing your work, who just reviews it and reads it through their perception. So keep going, keep going. Whatever you're doing. Back in high school, though, I wanted to be normal. I was like, I was the one who stood out. I felt so different. I felt so odd. And here's the thing. That's the funny thing about the ego. The ego swings this pendulum from grandiose to absolutely worthless. So I was in the space where I felt like I just I normal for me was wanting to come back into that middle ground. And I felt either super grandiose, like, I have these ambitions. Notice the language, right? I have these ambitions, I have this, and no one around me else has that. Now, that could be true. What I noticed from my perceptions as a 16, and 17-year-old is that most of the other girls who were in my high school were interested in boys and parties and things like that.
Kimberly Spencer (00:10:21) - And, you know, many were interested in getting good grades, but they had ambitions, but they had different ambitions, and that's fine. But even when it was like, I just want to be normal, listen to the language of that, right? I just want to be normal. You don't really want to be normal. You just want to settle. Like that's really what it is. You want to settle for something that's anything less than extraordinary, anything that's not standing out. You don't really want normal. You could even take this in the frame of somebody who maybe had a diagnosis or something and maybe they don't realize or can't see or haven't even thought of the fact that maybe this experience will lead them into transforming medical institutions or developing new technologies or new life-saving opportunities that could result from this thing that they're currently struggling with, that they've currently been labeled with, may turn out to be something that will transform their lives. Like, think about it. Like if you've survived cancer and now you speak out and you speak.
Kimberly Spencer (00:11:48) - For the advocacy of those of the rights of those who have gone through what you went through. You made it a stake I have one good friend who's a cancer survivor multiple times and she's gone on and written bestselling books. She has created massive companies, and she recognizes that her experiences have actually served her to grow her. I just want to be normal is a statement that is not being truthful to what it is you really want. What the fuck? Pardon? My language is normal. What the fuck is normal? Seriously? Because if you look at one person's model of the world, of all of their experiences, of what they grew up in, they're going to think that is normal. Like, for example, I grew up with a dad who had very little boundaries. He had very little boundaries. He had. That was a lifelong lesson for him. And I didn't realize, like I had friends that would come over, but I wouldn't have lots of friends, like come over and like hang out for long periods.
Kimberly Spencer (00:13:04) - And I thought it was normal for dads to just walk around in their underwear. As I said, my dad did not have very good boundaries. I thought that that was a normal thing. And so when my friends like they weren't really coming over, I really more often found that I was going over to their houses in order to hang out and play. That made me realize, Oh my God. I thought, Oh, maybe it's me. Maybe it's maybe I'm so not normal. Maybe something's wrong with me. No, it wasn't. It wasn't me. It was the fact that you know, no one wants their kid going over to our house where the dad is walking around in his underwear. Like, I know. I certainly wouldn't allow my kid to play if, you know, his. His friend's dad was hanging out in his underwear, drinking a scotch and whatnot. That but that to me was normal. I thought that was normal. And so my model of the world of normalcy was very different than other people's.
Kimberly Spencer (00:14:11) - And your model of the world of what's normal and good and right for you is in your in the current model of what your current of your current circumstances, of your current environment. That is what you perceive to be normal. And so desiring to be normal is a statement that is in relationship to the environment that you're in. It's a relationship. So normalcy is based on the environment in which you live. Now that environment can be your immediate family. That environment can be your community. That environment can be your political party or what you believe that, oh, this is normal to believe. And why don't those other guys believe it? That environment can be your religion of like, this is what's normal to believe and why don't those other guys believe it? Normalcy is dictated by your environment, your environment, or the people and places. Things that you are surrounding yourself with. Your standard of normalcy can be based on the people on the interwebs in the metaverse of like, Oh, that's normal to be achieving all the time, to be having all these successes, everyone's posting all this success and why don't I feel like I have it yet? And so you see, oh, I just want to be normal and I want to have this success.
Kimberly Spencer (00:15:35) - Well, actually, success is pretty extraordinary. Like if you really do achieve something that is successful for you, that's extraordinary because, in the way that I define success, success is a combination of wealth, fulfillment, family, and bodily success. It's holistic. It's not it's not this just like, oh, I just, you know, I want an award. Like, that's not success. To me, success is something that you live every day, but that's my definition. So define what is success for you. But if you see all these people on social media who are posting about their achievements, I wouldn't call it success, achievement can be a part of success, but I wouldn't call it holistically success. And you think, Oh, that's normal to be achieving on a daily basis at that level, then perhaps you can feel like you're not normal and that your standard of normality is a level of achievement that you have not yet had. But really the statement I just want to be normal presupposes that you are comparing yourself to something else.
Kimberly Spencer (00:16:47) - The statement I just want to be normal presupposes that you are comparing where you are to what you deem to be normal. And typically most people don't want normal. Like they really don't want it. They want it because it's a comparison, but they don't realize what it is specifically within that comparison that they think that they want. So you got to be really clear what is it that you actually really want? Like what is normal compared to what? Like for me, I wanted a normal household. I realized that I wanted a household where my husband or the father of my children when my children when their kids friends come over my husband is completely dressed. And yeah, Spike, Spike. When I told him that, he was like, Oh, my God, you thought it was you that whole time? I did. I believed for years that it was me because they were my friends who didn't want to come over to my house. You know, it's interesting. Our belief systems, right? But normal is not really something.
Kimberly Spencer (00:17:57) - It presupposes comparison ism. And normal also is something we typically settle for. So to give you an example, outside of my. Wacky childhood. For example, when you say you want a goal and you decide that you're changing your prices to $10,000 you are now your bare minimum to work with you $10,000. Good for you, by the way. Like, good for you. And then suddenly within your reality, as soon as you make that decision of like, this is what I want, this is what I'm going to get, this is what I'm worth, this is what my services are worth. By the way, I never used a term like you. Price what you're worth, you priceless babe. You're not a hooker like you're not charging for you. You're charging for your services. Let's be clear. You are priceless, but you're charging for what your services are worth. You're charging for Your time, education, and experience level. All the things that you have learned are done. Experience clumped into one beautiful coaching package or consulting package for $10,000.
Kimberly Spencer (00:19:09) - Good for you. That's it. That's what it takes to work with you. Period. And then what happens? I guarantee this will happen. This will happen. This happened every time I've raised my prices. Every time. And what happens? Suddenly an opportunity comes your way to get a $2,000 client. Or a $5,000 client or an $8,000 client. And it's not completely what it is that you said that you want. It's I mean, $2,000 and $10,000 are very different. But you say said 10,000, but you are getting $2,000 would be nice. It'd be a nice little boost for your bank account. Right. If you accept the $2,000 you are declaring to your unconscious mind, which is the goal-getter, and your conscious mind is the goal-setter. Your unconscious mind is a gold-getter. Because as soon as you put that goal in your timeline, as soon as you make that goal, suddenly you have all the possibility you're unconscious. The mind goes to work in all the different ways it can like to manifest that goal.
Kimberly Spencer (00:20:20) - And one of the ways is, hey, will you settle for this? And if you do, you are declaring to your unconscious mind that what you want is not what you want. It's okay to not get what you want and you're willing to settle. How far you're willing to settle is up to you. The same is true in relationships. So let's say you just want a normal relationship. To give you a personal example, I'll share the story of my ex. So when I was 16 years old, I like I loved stories. I personally I'm just going to share the story because I love and learn from stories. That's just how I work. That's how my brain works. So hopefully that works for you as well. And I wrote when I was 16 years old, I wrote about 50 qualities that I wanted in my ideal partner and put the book away. I think it was a moment of divine inspiration because it was likewise beyond years. And I put the book away, didn't see it for a while, really should have looked at it through my dating history throughout my early 20s.
Kimberly Spencer (00:21:25) - And then I met my ex and I didn't again look at it, but I saw a few qualities that were really attractive. My ex was in the military and I saw that he had a steady paycheck, so I wasn't going to have to be paying for him for things like I did with my other boyfriend. It was a bit of a moocher. Interesting how that manifested. He had a steady job. So steady paycheck, steady job. There was certainty. So I figured that because there was monetary certainty that meant certainty in the relationship. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. He and I were a bit; it was not pretty. Like it was an emotional roller coaster. Just like strap in, put your arms up, and, like, woo! And. But it was because he had a few qualities, not all 50, but a few qualities that I really thought were attractive. Like he had money in his bank account. He had a job, he was making money.
Kimberly Spencer (00:22:28) - He supported my ambitions. Or so he thought. I didn't realize that working. Some people say they want to work to have an entrepreneur as a partner, and then they don't realize that when you're coming from an employee job where you're used to clocking in, clocking out, you're done at five. Like when you're done, you're done when you're freelancing. Back then I was freelance screenwriting or you have your own business, you are working all the time. I would have projects that I would take home. I would have to drop off a script with my producers at like 10:00 at night. That's how my business was set up back then. Not anymore. I was very much asleep by 10:00 at night, but I had these qualities that were obviously still attractive to him. Otherwise, we wouldn't have run off and eloped and got married. And then. Had a catastrophe at 23. So I had these qualities and he was adventurous. He liked to travel. He wrote a motorcycle. I thought that was really cool.
Kimberly Spencer (00:23:37) - I have a bit of as I'm seeing manifested my in my youngest son, Colton, a bit of an adventure side. Like I've bungee jumped. I rode on the back of a motorcycle and have never actually driven a motorcycle yet that's on my list. Spikes that Spike says I'm not allowed to do it until the babies are fully grown adults. And I've done my job as a mom. It's like, who's to say I you know, I wouldn't be doing my job as a mom on a motorcycle? And he's like, not if you're in a body bag. So I will hold off on that dream for right now. I mean, come on, if I won't allow my kids to have a motorcycle, Yeesh. So not right now, obviously, but like the thought of them being on a motorcycle, I'm like, Oh God, no. So anyways, my ex had a lot of qualities, but he didn't have all 50 and so when I married him it was very much. A declaration of the universe of this is what I will accept.
Kimberly Spencer (00:24:34) - This is the behavior I will accept. I will accept constant fighting. I will accept this cantankerous, emotionally explosive, occasionally abusive relationship. It was just so volatile and I'll accept having money in the bank and having a steady paycheck and having food in the refrigerator. Not to say that I didn't have food in the refrigerator. I just was always so busy that like I would buy carrots and hummus and cans of tuna and I was totally fine living on that in my early 20s. Like, Spike is horrified at that. The thought of that. He's such a gourmet foodie. I'm like, just it's functional and provided exactly what I needed protein, carbs, and veggies. So but that was that was what I settled for and that was my normal. I was very used to growing up in an emotionally and being in an emotionally unstable environment. My normal was comparable to my environment and I accepted what I thought was normal. And instead of going for the entire 50 of what I wanted. Fast forward one divorce later and meeting Spike, and six months into dating him, I find out that I look back at the list and two of the things are null and void because back then, when I wrote the list, back when I was 16, I was very much afraid of the consequences of sin because I grew up in a fundamentalist Christian household and I was very much afraid of not being a virgin until marriage that didn't quite didn't make that one happen.
Kimberly Spencer (00:26:16) - So that one got null and void because I thought I had this beautiful idea of like my husband and I coming together for the first. Not nope, not when you marry a man who's 19 years older than you. Yes, we both had our fair share of experiences, so that one was kind of null and void for both of us. And then the only other one that Spike didn't really make was having an amazing relationship with my mother-in-law. Now, my mother-in-law had passed even before Spike and I got together, Even before Spike, I was even a thought in Spike's mind for a new partner. He his mother died back when he was married to his ex-wife. And so those two ones were basically null and void. But who's to say I don't have a loving, amazing, fantastic relationship with my mother-in-law? I mean, she's a spirit. She's out there in consciousness. So maybe I already do. Maybe I did get that one. And so 48, 48 out of 48.
Kimberly Spencer (00:27:17) - Pretty damn good. I no longer decided to settle. So it comes down to you. Do you really want what you say you want? What do you want? And what are you saying? You're willing to settle for? Do you really want? Normal? Because everybody who comes to work with me, everybody who listens to my podcast. I would venture to say again, totally willing to be wrong, but I would venture to say that normal is not why you are seeking personal growth. If you look around and you see what the normal is, normal does not seem that appealing. It is normal to be overweight. 70% of Americans are either overweight or severely obese, and it's getting close to 80% now. It's normal to be in a job that you hate and then blitz yourself on the weekend. Thank God it's Friday. It is normal and by normal, I mean culturally acceptable. These things are normal, but they will not lead to an extraordinary life. When did we decide that what is perceived to be normal is normal? Because so far as I can tell, the people who are seeking out growth, don't want to be normal.
Kimberly Spencer (00:28:40) - They want to be extraordinary. They want to go on to do extraordinary things. And being extraordinary also means you will be faced with challenges. So if you want to be normal, you're more than welcome to be. But if you want to be extraordinary, you will be faced with the challenges like holding your boundary and not taking the $2,000 client. When you say that you are worth that your services are worth ten. Like holding your boundary when it comes to your relationship and not going on that third, fourth, fifth, or 20th. Marrying the guy who only hits a few of your core needs, wants, and desires in a relationship. The same goes for your body. People with extraordinary bodies, you're like, Damn, they look good. I guarantee you that they are taking some extra care of their physical health. Normal is not what we're aspiring to. It's not aspirational. It's not motivational. And I know sometimes it's a hard pill to swallow, and sometimes we really just want to settle. But sometimes normal is pretty fucked up.
Kimberly Spencer (00:29:48) - So my question to you is, what are you settling for? What do you really want? What do you really, really want? Not just like wanting to want. Because there's a difference between like, what do you want and when you want. Something like wanting to build a business means you're going out there, you're talking to people, you are making sales conversations, you are making offers to have people pay you for your products and services. That's wanting it. Wanting to want it is like, Oh, it'd be really nice to have a business with freedom and let me like, help this person and maybe then they'll give me a referral and let me post some nice things on social media and look at how nice of a business owner I seem to be. But then looking at the bottom result of your bank account and seeing nothing and settling is when you're like, Oh, I guess the business thing didn't work out. I'll just go back to my job. You just declare to the universe what you'll settle for.
Kimberly Spencer (00:30:48) - So whether you want to start a business or have a kick-ass body scale your business or have an amazing, passionate, loving relationship, or be an amazing mother. These are all choices. What do you want? And what are you settling for? And if you recognize that in some area of your life, you have been settling. That's okay. We all have those areas. I settled for making less than six figures for a couple of years in my business years. And now I'm like, Oh, no, Mama, don't get time for that. Because I had to be really honest with myself that I was settling. So I would see these beautiful influencers and people who started their business at the same time I did, and they're off doing multiple, multiple million dollar years. And I'm like, What the heck? What the heck? And then now I just realized, Oh fuck, I've been settling for multiple six figures. If you had told me that, I would say that six years ago, I would have been like, What do you mean settling? I thought you were crazy, but I've been settling because really, what I really want is much more than that.
Kimberly Spencer (00:32:06) - Because I know that with multiple millions, you can impact multiple millions of lives. And that's what I'm here to do. So if you like this episode, if this resonated with you, if you're so done with normalcy and are settling and you really want to declare what you want, then declare it and share this episode and send it free to serve somebody else as well. I love you. Thank you so much for being here. Thank you so much for being a part of my world, a part of this kingdom. And I'm very honored to have served you today, as always, on your throne. Mind your business, because your reign is now. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you. Be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend. Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty. And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself.
Kimberly Spencer (00:33:10) - Now for more inspiration. I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business, and life that rules because today you crown yourself.
