Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - Ever struggle with jealousy. Even if you don't think the green eyed monster is coming for you, do you have those little niggling comments of comparison ism, like when you see a woman who's maybe skinnier or fitter than you and you just go, oh, I wish I could have her body. Or you see someone whose business is more successful than yours, at least on paper or on Instagram. You're like, oh, I wish I could have her business. And there's that little twinge. Maybe it's not like a full fledged green eyed monster of like, oh, good for her, but. It's a little twinge. In this episode, we are going to dive into the power and the illusion of jealousy and how to deal with it. Stay tuned. Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself. Com and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, TEDx speaker known to my clients as a game changer.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:05) - Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too, can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Hello and welcome back to the Crown Yourself podcast, as always. Like, shower yourself with a hot dose of gratitude Queen, because you are here. You are choosing content that uplifts and inspires and champions and challenges you to grow, which takes a lot of courage. So I gotta commend you for sticking with it, for coming back. I am your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself. Com I'm a master mindset coach and communication coach, and I am so excited to bring you this podcast on jealousy, which is something that I didn't I struggled with. I definitely struggled with this when I was in middle school. Like, oh my gosh, the the green eyed monster was real.
Kimberly Spencer (00:02:10) - The comparison was no joke. I personally think middle school girls should fight terrorism because they are just so nasty. They will like not with guns, but with words. Their sarcasm and wit and nasty comments will just make you cry. It'll make your inner child cry. Anyways. So I used to struggle with jealousy and there was always the popular crowd growing up. I don't know if you went if at your high school or at your. It wasn't so much at my high school because I when I transferred high school and started going to an all girls high school, it surprisingly wasn't as prominent. The jealousy and the clicking as it was at a co-ed school. And I went to a co-ed Christian school, and there was this group that we knew as like they were the popular crowd. And I was like, says who? Like, now I look back, I'm like, who, who, who, who named them that name? Like, why do they have that name? Why not the other crowd? Like, there were other crowds that I knew that also had the same amount of people.
Kimberly Spencer (00:03:07) - So I don't know if that constitutes popularity, but personally, I think being popular does connote having a certain amount of people that follow you or that are a part of your crowd, and if your crowd is smaller, that doesn't necessarily mean popular. Total tangent, but I had to like stake my claim and like who decides these names anyways? So I having that jealousy growing up and has seeing that tear some really big rifts in some friendships. Um, fortunately that got to be repaired with the ones who were lifelong friends. Um, like with my very, very dear friend, actress and model Lauren Dearman, who's just amazing. The jealousy though it it became a lot more minute later on, like it wasn't so much of like, oh, good for her. Like, oh, I want what she wants. It was biting comments that would undercut my own value or my potentiality to have what it was that she had. So that's actually what jealousy is, is like so often we don't think we we're not going around thinking like, I'm jealous of that person.
Kimberly Spencer (00:04:21) - Typically because jealousy will not give a direct 1 to 1 reflection in the mirror, it'll typically show up as like, oh, I wish I could like, oh, good for her. Oh nice that she's doing have it has that I said he has that or it'll come up as like, oh I wish I could x y z. I wish I could be as thin as her. I wish I could make as much money as her or biting comments. And this is where like middle school girls like just win. This is where they win. Um, the biting comments that just are the the subtle undercurrents of digs that are rooted in jealousy and insecurity. And so here's the magic of jealousy one. It's a complete and total illusion because it highlights an illusion of lack, a paradigm of scarcity. Any time there's any form of jealousy in any way, shape or form, it highlights a paradigm of scarcity, which then you're choosing to buy into. Because if all things are possible, all things. I mean, even in the Bible it says all things are possible through through Christ who strengthens me.
Kimberly Spencer (00:05:29) - Like if all things are possible. And to quote like quantum theory, if all things are possible in the quantum realm and meaning you've thought it, you've imagined it, and thus it's it's existing at some point in. The quantum realm available to you, and all you have to do is build that bridge. The jealousy is a complete illusion because it's saying that the fact that you can see it is the fact that it's available to you. Now, it may not be immediately available because of your observations. Like I said in a past podcast episode with the Law of Cause and Effect. So it requires you to be the gentle observer of your thoughts, of your circumstances, and of how many ways what you think you want that that person has is that you're slightly jealous of, is possible and able for you to have as well. The other thing that I love about jealousy specifically, is that in Aphorisms of Yoga, which I have been obsessed with, it shares about the process of enlightenment and how it's a seven step, seven step process.
Kimberly Spencer (00:06:37) - And in the process of enlightenment and in growing more spiritually attune. One of the things that needs to come with it is the refusal of covetousness. So jealousy. And it says the refusal of covetousness is maintaining the dignity of one's self. And truth telling is maintaining the dignity of society. So when you experience jealousy, there is a belief, a limiting belief, a self-limiting belief. Let's be clear on what kind of belief this is. Jealousy creates a belief in your own capacity to achieve what it is that that other person has or does, or who that person is. So the way to combat jealousy is to get really curious, get really, really curious on how did they do it? Ask questions if that person has a body that you want to have that you're like, oh damn, I really want to have her triceps. Maybe you at this moment are not willing to put in the two hours of CrossFit that she does every day. So allow yourself to explore. And then when you make those comparisons, because we make those comparisons so often I see them with women so often, especially around the body.
Kimberly Spencer (00:07:50) - Um, but when we make those comparisons, there is that belief that it is not possible for us. Well, it's not that it's not possible for us. It's that you don't want to put in the two hours to do the CrossFit and the insane amount of tricep dips that she does. It's that your capacity is currently not focused in that direction. So it's not that it's not available to you, it's that you are choosing not to have the habits and the discipline that that person has in doing what it is that they do that has allowed them to have the thing that you want to have. So, for example, let's say it is making money in business, right? I guarantee you, the woman or man who is making more money than you and business is simply making more offers. They are simply reaching out, telling more people about their products and services. And thus, because of the amount of people that they're reaching out to, more people are saying, yeah, I'm interested. Sure. Let's go.
Kimberly Spencer (00:08:46) - Let's chat. That's pretty much it. The person who is making more money than you in business is making more offers. They're making more offers, and they're probably offering higher than what you offer. So let's say you have a $25,000 offer and their offer is a $50,000 offer. No matter how you have to close two clients in order for them to just close one client, and then you're making the same amount of money. So that thing that you think that you want, whether it's making more money, if it's making more money in your business, then how can you make more offers? How can you get out there and make more offers? Maybe it's going on more podcasts, maybe it's posting more on social media, maybe it's being up in people's DMs. Maybe it's asking for referrals from people that you've worked with before. But whatever it is, there's a certain action step that that other person that you're currently jealous of is is taking that you're not. Say, for example, even if it's something is superficial as looks right.
Kimberly Spencer (00:09:45) - So sometimes yes, it can be jeans, sometimes yes it can be habits and practices. But let's say that person a person has for example, clear skin. I used to have really bad acne when I was hormonal and like a hormonal bulimic wreck. Now I have really fabulous skin y. I drink a lot of water. I take a lot of supplements. I wash my face with all clean, organic materials. If someone's jealous of my skin, then I share with them that, like you might not want to drink three liters of water a day, but I do like. And that's one of the things like you might want not want to change your diet to eat predominantly organic and plants and organic meats. I do, that's what changed my skin. It wasn't, you know, trying some new fancy cream. It was actually changing myself from the inside out. So you have to look at what are those things that you are jealous of, that you actually it's it's not necessarily jealousy. It's looking at their habits and principles in the discipline of what did they do that you're not currently doing.
Kimberly Spencer (00:10:58) - And then here's the question. Is that something you actually want to put in the effort to do? Or are you just so used to cutting yourself down that you're just going to keep doing the latter? I really hope it's not the latter, but I have seen with many, many clients men, women, a lot of people unconsciously choose the latter because at least, at the very least, at the very least, I ask, make the choice consciously, like I over the past year, made the choice consciously to not force berate my body into losing any amount of weight. At the moment I am the heaviest that I have been not pregnant. Do I love it? No. Am I willing to make that the sole thing that I focus on right now? No. I have other priorities at this moment. And so because I have other priorities, I'm not comparing. I'm accepting my body as it is where she is right now, allowing her to be where she's at. She went through a lot this past couple of years with emotions and stuff, so I'm like letting her chill.
Kimberly Spencer (00:12:01) - And I'm also diligently, gently looking at my diet, making a few changes, working out a bit more, seeing how I can fit more movement into my day so it's not a main priority to look like her or to look even comparing myself. Because sometimes we can also be very jealous of who we were or what we look like back then. The hardest person to compare yourself is to yourself, especially a past version of yourself, because you know what you're capable of. And I know that I have gotten down like when I was in beauty pageants. When I did Miss California, I was 13% body fat rocking on. Definitely not that now. And I'm okay with that, because I don't want to put in the amount of work that I had to to do that, and I know that. And so I consciously make the choice to not same with money, the same with money. You may see the woman who has a 1 million, 10 million, $25 million business, but you may not want her problems.
Kimberly Spencer (00:13:00) - You may not want the pressure. You may not want to level up into having a team. You may not want to do that much delegation. You may not want to switch from having your hands in every single thing in your business, to then suddenly having to manage other people having their hands in your business. That's why the harder ones that I've seen with most of my clients is finding someone who's qualified, who could do it just as good as they can. And, uh, yeah, that's a transformation piece. That's something that if you want to get to that next level, if you want to get to that next goal, you're going to be have to start doing and operating and being on at a different level. So I challenge you today. One. Do not let yourself lose the dignity of yourself with comparison, ism and jealousy. You are a sovereign being created for a divine purpose that only you can fulfill. Do not diminish your worth and the dignity of yourself by comparing yourself to someone else, and to use jealousy as your tool to see, okay, if she can, I can to remember one of the key points in manifesting and closing the gap between where you are now and where you want to be, is in celebrating.
Kimberly Spencer (00:14:19) - When other people have the thing that you say you want and like really celebrating them. Like truly, genuinely like I celebrate when people look really damn good because I'm like, oh yeah, I can too. Am I willing to put in as much discipline as they are to that right now? Not as much. And I'm okay with that. Will I be okay with that in like two months from now? Probably not. We'll see. Who knows? Or maybe slow and steady and gentle wins the race. Either way, I've done it both ways. But look at when you get curious, when you get celebratory, and when you start asking questions about how that person did or does, or has the thing that you desire to have. In those moments. Check yourself. Is that something you want to commit to? Is that something that you could make space in your life for to do? Like if you really want to do that. Maintain your dignity in your sovereignty and in the consciousness of your choices.
Kimberly Spencer (00:15:25) - Knowing that jealousy is always a signal that if someone can, you can too. And knowing also that if that person is coming into your awareness, into your consciousness, it means that the goal is close. So if you find yourself surrounded by really hot, fit people and you're like, yeah, okay, seeing this, it means it's close. If you find yourself surrounded by multi-million dollar business owners. Yeah, okay. Seeing this, celebrate it, operate with curiosity, ask heaps of questions and then assess are those problems something that you those problems, those challenges, those thought process, those habits. Is that something that you are willing to put in the discipline? Sometimes a sacrifice to achieve that, to receive that, to do that. If this episode served, please do me a favor and share it with one friend. And I want to let you know that there are a few spots open for consults that you can book right below. This will give you a clear plan, a direction, a purpose, the strategy to uncover your subconscious success strategy.
Kimberly Spencer (00:16:38) - Not something that I'm projecting onto you, but discover what it is that makes you special and unique and discover your subconscious success strategy in order to use that to leverage into every area of your life, you will also receive the Power Profit plan to scale your business up to 300% in the next year. Yep, really the next 12 months. So if you're like yes, Queen, oh my gosh, I need to book this consult. I need to work with you. Let's freaking go click the link below and I look forward to having a consult with you. As always, own your throne. Mind your business because your reign is now. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you, be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend. Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty. And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration.
Kimberly Spencer (00:17:40) - I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business and life that rules because today you crown yourself.
