Blythe Cox (00:00:00) - I had to choose love. And that's the title of my chapter in the book, is Choose to Love. Because I had to choose to love myself. I had to choose to love my past. I had to choose to love my future. What does that look like? I mean, it is a choice, you know, we don't want to always do what's important in front of us or what we've been through. We didn't want to do that either. But we need to do that because that's that's part of the process, you know, and choosing to do that. In choosing to love is its decision and its you have to be intentional about that decision.
Kimberly Spencer (00:00:40) - Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body, and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself. Com and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, known to my clients as a game changer. Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too, can make the income and impact you deserve.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:10) - Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:22) - Why I am so honored to have you. You are now part of a multi author book called Shine Your Light and it features your story.
Blythe Cox (00:01:36) - Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:37) - So can you share your story here? And then we'll just open it up and tell us about yourself.
Blythe Cox (00:01:45) - Yeah, sure. A little bit about me. I'm in my 40s. I grew up in southeast Texas, which is nowhere. it's the armpit of Texas. I kind of talked a little bit about that in the book. You know, I, I grew up in a time in the 80s. So I'm an 80s baby through and through it all that that implies. And, Yeah. So, you know, I grew up, you know, in, in a time where things were just different, you know, we had the dial up phone and all the stuff, but, I grew up with parents who who were good but hard to live with, too.
Blythe Cox (00:02:24) - And so I grew up in an environment that had a lot of chaos and violence and just all the that, you know, entails, right? so that created a lot of trauma in my life. you know, as a, as a young child and I saw things and had to endure things that no child should have to go through. And, you know, I've talked with lots of women, and I think that we all share something throughout our childhood that is very similar. you know, mine just happens to be, you know, heartache, a lot of heartache, a lot of trauma and, and death. And so my story is basically a tragedy, a triumph story. When I was a young girl, I was sexually assaulted and lived through that, wound up in the hospital and had to have emergency surgery. I was fighting for my life. at 15 years old, I had a miscarriage and backtrack. You know, my my grandfather killed my grandmother when I was 13 years old. and then throughout, you know, my time in high school and trying to find who you are and what you what you are and your purpose and all the things I got so detached, really, from what? Who I needed to be.
Blythe Cox (00:03:50) - And I always knew that I had a purpose and and that God was in my life. I actually accepted God in my in my heart whenever I was seven years old. So I always knew that he was there and protecting me. But at the same time, all these things occurred to me and all these things were around me. So it was really hard to focus on the good. and I'm a very positive and out, you know, outgoing person. So I was harboring all the hurt inside and really tearing myself up inside and, you know, got married at a young age. I had a baby, at 21 years old, 22. Excuse me. She's now 21 and having a life with my husband and and, you know, doing all the things. And then my father kills my stepmother, my young, my brother, my sister, and then actually winds up injuring, a police officer. And so my whole world, everything that I had tried to really put it in the past and move on from and I'm an adult now, and I can do all this, and I can be all this, and I'm my life's going to be perfect, and I'm going to make it look like it is.
Blythe Cox (00:05:05) - I'm starting over. Just crashed in front of me, and there was nowhere to hide. There was nowhere to hide from it. It was all over the news. It was a very big deal. This was a triple homicide, in a very small town in East Texas. So.
Kimberly Spencer (00:05:23) - You know.
Blythe Cox (00:05:24) - Loss of friends. I mean, I almost lost my marriage because of it. my job, I just I was just a wreck, if you can imagine. You know, on top of that, you know, I had to deal with an estate issue. I had to deal with that aftermath of that. And, you know, a family that really didn't accept me because I was the other woman's daughter, you know, was really hard to work with with that. And then I had a brother that survived, and he's still living today. I think by the grace of God, you know, he survived that. And he was not injured, but he was he was injured. I mean, he lost his brother, his sister, his mother and his father in one day.
Blythe Cox (00:06:13) - And. That's hard to really grasp, you know? But, by the grace of God, he is a productive, grown man now with a wife and two beautiful children that I'm so glad to, that he is. And that is, he's okay. But, Yeah, that's just it. I know you can hit wait and just.
Kimberly Spencer (00:06:39) - Open it up, but my, what I'm always fascinated with, with what was it that pulled you through in the darkest time? How did you find the strength?
Blythe Cox (00:06:55) - That's a good question. You know, people ask me that. And I didn't. I didn't actually. I gave up multiple times. And when you come from this place of trauma. You begin to accept the trauma and and almost it almost feels as though it's like it's part of you. And it will always be who you are, that you're tainted somehow. And so I gave up a bunch, during my life and not. And during that time for several years, actually. I suffer from anxiety, major depression.
Blythe Cox (00:07:41) - I was a waif of a person. I lost a lot of weight. I couldn't eat. I actually went to multiple doctors because my body was shutting down, like my organs were shutting down, because I was in so much trauma that my body could not respond. That's the way it was responding. And I was really sick. and yet every day I was fighting these demons inside of me that was telling me that it's over. Like you just want to give this.
Kimberly Spencer (00:08:14) - Up.
Blythe Cox (00:08:15) - And let it go and just and just just leave this world because you know that that's what's that's what's coming, you know? But that still voice inside of me. Knowing that I had a purpose, that God was Jesus was my Savior and that he was never going to leave me or forsake me. And that is huge. And that's the only place that I gained strength was literally with my face down in my closet, on the carpet with my knees. Screaming out to the. And it was every day. But it it didn't leave me.
Blythe Cox (00:08:59) - So. There wasn't any time during the day that I was not thinking about it, so I had to then redirect my mind. I had to ask God to help me redirect my mind. And during that time, I mean, I have a little girl who was there with me when I found out that all this occurred. she was traumatized by this. I have an older sister. My mother, you know. so all of us were being affected by this in different ways. But somehow. I think my closeness with my dad in some way. my bond with him was.
Kimberly Spencer (00:09:42) - Just.
Blythe Cox (00:09:43) - Shattered. I mean, my life shattered in front of my face, you know, and there was no way to just put it back together, you know? It just didn't it wasn't going to happen. So the strength came from God, and I had to rely and trust in the process because it was utterly it was a terrible process. Like I wasn't cooking, I wasn't doing stuff. I wasn't going to the store.
Blythe Cox (00:10:11) - I mean, just just you name it, daily activities. I just couldn't I wasn't even thinking about what was next, but what was next in trying to get through the moment.
Kimberly Spencer (00:10:22) - Yeah. So yeah, that's that's pure like fight flight freeze right there just being frozen and stuck in time, which is trauma and. And the interesting thing is that there's one that's not so often mentioned. That's called flock. And flock is the people around you. And how, when? From hits or when you on a positive side, when you uplevel, when you transcend that trauma. How it the flock that surrounds you shit. What did you notice about the changing your friendship circles, or the change in your environment circles and how those shifted? As you process.
Blythe Cox (00:11:07) - Yeah, it was a big shift. honestly, I have some core friends in my life that I've had a long time that went through some trouble with me when I was a teenager as well, who stuck by my side. But again, it it scared them to death.
Blythe Cox (00:11:25) - And it was so ugly and sad and messy. It's hard to comprehend it. And especially someone that, you know, that's actually going through it. So the distance started to come and I started to distance myself as well, because I couldn't get out of this cloud long enough to hear what they were trying to tell me about their wonderful life. And so none of it mattered, right? It was like, oh, that's so great. You know, I, I don't care. I thought that.
Kimberly Spencer (00:11:57) - yeah.
Blythe Cox (00:11:58) - So, you know, I mean, I was present, but I wasn't present. And the shift in my job, the way the outlook on my life, my marriage relationship was, took a hit for sure, because I got to be totally transparent right here. I couldn't sleep with my husband for months. I just I could not have an intimate relationship with him. And, you know, that took a toll on our marriage. You know, like, just. Financially. I was so distraught.
Blythe Cox (00:12:31) - I mean, I was so distraught. And, you know, trying to come out of that. It's baby steps out of that, you know. so my marriage took, you know, adopt a little the transition a little bit. And that was really hard. My relationship with my daughter, my youngest, my oldest daughter really shook it as well, because here I was, this devoted young mom who was excited about her next, you know, next moment, her next big thing to accomplish and just ended to I just need you to go play. kind of a thing. And so I was there and just the sheer crying, I mean, like, I, I'm pretty sure I didn't stop crying for, like, about three years. And sometimes I will just cry. I will, I will get in the shower or I'll get in the car. And I don't know what it is about the garage, but I just, like, get in the garage and I'll just come home and just cry.
Blythe Cox (00:13:33) - I didn't, but sometimes, you know, it, it made me a couple times a year that I just had this really deep cry because it's it's heartache, it's heart brokenness. But what I do know is, is that God restored me. He restored my relationships, and he helped restore my heart so I could I could move on, you know, because you don't really move on. It just takes.
Kimberly Spencer (00:13:57) - Yeah. And that you mentioned purpose and how that is transcended. And I mean, it takes a lot of courage to publicly and openly share a story that was so deeply painful. And it's not just one story. It's like there there is a series. Oh, we're done out of repeated trauma for a good chunk of time, and to have the courage to now start sharing that. What what inspired that within you?
Blythe Cox (00:14:29) - Well, I knew, when it occurred. Honestly, I knew a long time ago, like even when I was a teenager, I knew that that what was going to happen in my life.
Blythe Cox (00:14:44) - Was either going to make or break me. And that if I could survive this. And come out on the other side. That God had a plan. But I had to trust there was a cliff. That was the hardest part. So, you know, having the courage to tell it. I have told it. And certain conversations with people or or opportunities where it's been. It's been the right time or the right environment to tell that. I have told it to some Christian women's groups and things like that over the years. But it's the time now. The door was open and I was like, I have to walk through this because I do feel as though that if I had not, that I was disobeying God. And, you know, the flip side of my story is that I was also given a gift a few years after this happened that actually occurred in 2006. My father, in 2006, and, just can't fathom hurting a child in my mind. Like, it's just not even.
Blythe Cox (00:16:05) - So he was not in his right mind, and I know that. And it doesn't just I had it all, but he had a lot of demons. He really did. He had a lot of things that he just couldn't get past. And. But years later. You know, I really prayed about, you know, God, please take this physical hurt from me because I was in so much pain. even while I was pregnant with my youngest daughter, I was still in this pain. And I think it was so weird because I know it's almost like fibromyalgia. Is that what it's called? Yeah, but it's it's it's actually trauma based physical pain. And I learned a little bit about that and I was physically going through it. That's why my body was doing all the things that it was doing. And I asked God to take it from me and to give me joy because I had zero joy like none. I couldn't get excited about Christmas. I love Christmas, I couldn't get excited about having a new baby.
Blythe Cox (00:17:14) - I couldn't get excited about being merry. Go on all the vacation. Nothing. Nothing. And I'm pretty like I'm a planner. I like stuff, I love all those things. It's kind of what I do for a living. And so, you know, it's just it's it's been in me always to be this, like person, an entrepreneur and a person who gets excited about building things and creating things and so forth. And I was just no joy. And I feel like it is stolen from me, literally stolen from me. And so I asked God to give it to me. And you know what? He didn't right away. And I had to go through some things, and I had to see those things. I had to be in the dark place. I recently told someone too, but yet that dark place was beautiful. The process was beautiful. Coming out of that was like. It was like this place where, you know, an animal or an insect or something. You're like, oh my gosh, they're going to die.
Blythe Cox (00:18:14) - And they don't. And they come out on the other side and you're like, that is the most beautiful part thing I've ever seen in my life. And that's what happened. It was pretty amazing looking back on it. So a few years after that, you know, people ask me, they were like, well, did you die? Because I went to heaven and I got to see. I mean, it is gorgeous. And, I can tell you that it's real. God is real. The light is real. The life is the love and it is God and he is so big. It is so big. This place is so big I can't even I can't even tell you what it is like, how big it is. It's it's it's huge. And the color and the light and the feeling, it's the love is like fills you inside and outside. And all you want to do is just praise God. That's all you want to do. And like, you want to be there, like you want to stay and you want to be there.
Blythe Cox (00:19:20) - And it's it's all you ever want to think about ever again. And it's beautiful. It's just wonderful. And I knew that I was there for a very short period of time. I knew that I had a family. I knew that there were other people there that knew me, but I couldn't see them. And honestly, I was kind of on the outskirts of this, of heaven and. I wasn't really going to be allowed to go in, but I was going to be allowed to see enough to tell people that like, hey, this is a real place. And and there were other people in the area that I was in, actually. So I know that there are other people I don't know if they were Dan, I don't know. I told them.
Kimberly Spencer (00:20:01) - What happened to get you there.
Blythe Cox (00:20:03) - Absolutely nothing. So I woke up one morning and my youngest daughter was she was hot in her baby bed. And like any mothers going to do, she lays there a couple minutes and decides, well, am I going to go get her and stuff? And I was like, I'll go get her, you know, because I was nursing and I knew that she was fussing because she was hungry.
Blythe Cox (00:20:25) - So it was early to it was very early in the morning. It was like maybe 6:00 in the morning. And, I went and got her and I lay back down and I nurse her in my bed because I was like, I'm going to lay back down. Like, I'll just lay back down. I've got enough time to do that. And I mean, I'm telling you, my head no more hit the pillow and I, I it was literally a twinkling of the eye like I was there. There was no in between. It was not like I just went into this place or I walked into a tunnel. No, it was just I'm in this place. And it was not a dream because after. I woke up. I had this beautiful, just fuzzy bird. Feeling that I couldn't get off of me for hours. And I knew that it was the Holy Spirit inside of me that was still with me. And I can't begin to tell you how amazing. How amazing and beautiful it is.
Blythe Cox (00:21:34) - Because it's just, it just it is. And it will be forever. I mean, like, it's it's it's forever and ever. That's just a little bit about it. I mean, I mean it I'm trying to say for I, it's a people in this in this way. And I remember when I asked Jesus to come into my heart. And some people may have not had that experience yet. I'm not sure, but I'd have. And so I remember that moment and feeling filled up with love and joy and comfort and a feeling of purpose, and that something good was going on inside of me, right? So I have tried to describe it as you take that moment in your life, the moment that you knew that God was real and that this was a real thing, and you take that and you toss it about trillions. Trillions. And that's what it's like. That's what happened. Feels like you can't. You can't even fathom how much it is because it's not here on or nothing.
Blythe Cox (00:22:44) - Nothing compares to it. Nothing. No color, no purpose, no words, nothing.
Kimberly Spencer (00:22:50) - So I think the, When my father passed. There's a Native American proverb that says, you know, basically like when someone's grieving that they of pierce the veil, basically, and then in, in Native American cultures, that they're to be revered. And because they are so close to the edge of the in between. And when my father passed and I was in Australia, miles away, you know, 8000 miles away from where he was. It. Yes, there was the devastation and I had three days of the most amazing peace. And I felt his love. While he's no longer here. Like I felt that the love and the presence of of where he is now and just how enveloped he is and love, and that was miraculous that I remember that. That I was like everything that was beautiful and good about that man. Got to like because my my father also struggled with alcoholism and an addiction and everything that everything that was his humanness.
Kimberly Spencer (00:24:03) - Was left away and that that died. And then it's only the goodness that the love and that he was in this place, just surrounded by. I felt it as pure as, as. Anything. And it was transcendent. Sure. And so the experience of being able to be given those gifts and being able to have those, those experiences where you know that there is more. To this world and beyond. Then what's here? But now that you're in this space says we are still in this world. What are you transforming into in your next iteration? As you now have started sharing your story and sharing your gifts and sharing your experiences and your light?
Blythe Cox (00:24:57) - Wow. You know, I think that's to be the, discovered some, you know, right now, I'm. I am in this transition place. It is. It's an interesting space for me. I feel very vulnerable. I feel very in some way, I feel, rejected somehow, in some way as well, which is interesting. by some, I feel like it's too much for some people, actually.
Blythe Cox (00:25:29) - maybe some some family and some things like that. I feel renewed and like I am. I'm ready. For what? Whatever the next step that God has for me. Which I'm not sure, but I know it's something, because he's always been something for me. I just need to be ready to walk through the door. And it it is coming. I just don't know what it is. And and honestly, having done this, one of the reasons that I will say that I took this step in general was because I felt as though God was calling me to do it, number one, and number two, the purpose behind it, you know, the book is called Shine Your Light. I mean, for goodness sakes, I couldn't make this stuff up. and then, you know, the fact that the the funds are going back to the Kiva program, I mean, completely touched me. These are women who are in, you know, another country who are needing to get out of poverty or prostitution or just needing a new life for themselves who were were now able to get microloans to help fund that new life.
Blythe Cox (00:26:41) - Right. And God gave me a new life. So I just I love the whole purpose of that. I couldn't ignore it at all. But one of the main reasons that I wanted to do this, and I've been wanting to write a book forever, and I probably will write my own book at some point, but. I wanted my children, my girls, to know that no matter what happens in your life. You are still loved. You were still worthy. You were still have a purpose. You are still powerful and impactful and influential and. And you. You. Are going to do great things. And I needed to show them that I could overcome that. That, in my life. And I don't want to say because it's a big hole, but,
Kimberly Spencer (00:27:29) - It was a hollow.
Blythe Cox (00:27:34) - but, you know, I've gone on in my in my life to be a successful person in my career. but I've always hidden behind this, like, oh, you know, you can know this.
Blythe Cox (00:27:45) - You know, the fun life, the the, you know, the smiling, like. But I don't want you to really know too, too much about the past because it's really sad and ugly. And I don't want you to judge me thinking like, oh, my gosh, she's so crazy. Like, but you know what? Everybody's a little crazy, but I'm not, you know? And so I had to then realize too, that, you know, aside from the trauma, aside from, you know, the the depression and the anxiety and things like that. That doesn't make you crazy. That just makes me have had trauma in my life. I mean, you know, and I think we all process trauma and we're talking about it more in society. And I'm glad that we are, because this is real stuff. People deal with stuff all the time, and that's just closing the door and saying, that's so great. You deal with that when you get home is it's just not going to work anymore.
Blythe Cox (00:28:41) - I think it's just we've gotten too far to where we cannot ignore it. It is. It is big, and we need to do something about it. And this was kind of my way of sharing that you can do something about it, you know?
Kimberly Spencer (00:28:54) - Yeah. Gosh, you just somehow have this power to leave me speechless because you're just you have such a beautiful presence and such a heart and a love that I have felt for me since the day I met you. It's so surprising about, you know, your past into when you remember when we were at lunch and you shared with me that story and I was like, what? But I love the fact that you just said that, you know, just because you have anxiety or depression or have experienced these things in your life. And I know I certainly have, as well as the eating disorder and whatnot. And I remember that there was, because my family had a lot of generational trauma, with sexual abuse passed down. And my, my dad would joke, oh, you know, you always wonder where insanity ran in the family.
Kimberly Spencer (00:29:48) - And the more I have evaluated that belief, when I was younger, I definitely had a language and a fear around being perceived as crazy. Yeah. Whereas now I've embraced the beautiful, as my husband calls it, a hurricane. I go where I know how to access it. I know how to leverage that side of me that's able to suddenly transform a house and sell it within six weeks. And, you know, just being able to, oh, let's fly off just to access that intuition where I'm like, okay, I'm going to do something that everyone else thinks is crazy. But I know this is fully aligned for me. And so, right, there's a language that we as a society need to start embracing, being aware of, like our, our crazy and then like dangerous crazy or what is that? And understanding the language and the balance here. Yeah. And and the balance is because I think when you, you see the depths of, the deepest, darkest spaces of humanity and you definitely have you also have the power to see what my friend Jan Joy talks about is, is you've experienced the deep end of joy and that you have the ability to access a whole other level.
Kimberly Spencer (00:31:08) - And it's just like with that. With being able to to because you have that depth. We're able to access that that height of ordinary joy. You know what on a daily basis, since you say that you lost your joy for a while until you were blessed with this gift, what on a daily basis brings you joy? Like, how do you source your joy now?
Blythe Cox (00:31:33) - Oh, wow. you know, I'm really I'm very intentional about taking time in the morning to. Have a space for myself to where I can meditate or. I can be in nature, or I go outside on the porch or have a cup of coffee with my husband. Or maybe I listen to a podcast in the morning that fills me with positive energy. And this new energy thing is really getting to me, because I do think we all have this energy within us, and we can either feed that energy or we can deplete that energy. And so I make it very intentional that, yeah, you know what, I want to feel deflated sometimes so I can feel what energy should feel like.
Blythe Cox (00:32:23) - Right. and so I want to be in both spaces, but yet at the same time, you know, to give me that joy. I'm very intentional about looking for the joy and choosing joy because we can choose to be not joyful. I mean, if I sit around all day long and thought about. All the details of everything in my life. I would be a miserable person like I could be. I'd cry all day long, like, and so I wouldn't find joy. And I think that we have to be. We have to look for it. It's not just an all out the sky. You have to be intentional about it. And for me. Those are some of the things that I do. Sometimes I just dance around the house to enjoy. sometimes I'll listen to Selena and find joy, you know, like, just whatever it may be. I feel like friends and family and the things that I find joy in is what I like to partake in the most. Because, you know, those are those are the things that are going to fill me in and keep me fueled up for the moments when I'm not very joyful.
Blythe Cox (00:33:37) - And I have those moments, too. So.
Kimberly Spencer (00:33:40) - And when you have those moments, do you find that it's correlated in directly to your past, or is it just something that's in your present circumstance?
Blythe Cox (00:33:47) - It's usually directed to my past. What happens is, is I get this, I get an anxious anxiety type of feeling over me, a very deep depression that I'll, I'll, I'll fall into in my brain for a little while. It may be 30s and it could be two hours, it could be all day. And then sometimes I'm like, you know, I'm just a terrible person, you know, I did this and I did that, and I'll just beat myself up about something or I'll keep this thing in the back of my mind, like, I'm not a good mother and I'm not a good wife, and I'm not a good coworker, and I'm not a good friend because I haven't talked to her and came up and blah, blah, blah, you know, and it just all these things just start beating me down like hard rain and then I and then sometimes most of the time.
Blythe Cox (00:34:33) - I'm like, hey, wait a minute. That is a lie. Those are lies. That is not true. And you need to stop. Because you're being ridiculous and, say, filling your brain with those with those lies and you're a good person. You do good things and. Stop, you know, and so I have to redirect my thoughts. Or sometimes I watch moonlighting and I feel better, I think, or. Or, you know, whatever, I don't know. That's what it.
Kimberly Spencer (00:35:07) - Was, Sarah.
Blythe Cox (00:35:08) - Women. You know, that's all I'm now. I'm. And I don't know, I'm on this kick off. I'm like, ooh, I don't watch the mood. I mean, I don't even know what I.
Kimberly Spencer (00:35:17) - I totally bypass like I. If you took reference a movie from the 40s or the 50s, I probably have seen it. I mean, but the 80s is like the one decade that my husband is like, we need to watch the 80s movies. I'm like, I don't know, but there's a lot of, a lot of.
Kimberly Spencer (00:35:36) - That in my 80s movies. Education.
Blythe Cox (00:35:38) - Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer (00:35:41) - Through being able to to snap yourself out of it like that. And pull yourself from the the darkness. Like I'm sure that it didn't happen overnight. To be able to have the resilience to bounce back so quickly. But I think that. Triggers in this. In myself.
Blythe Cox (00:36:04) - sometimes listening to certain songs will trigger it for me. being in a certain place, certain times of the year. Smells or sounds will sometimes trigger that, because I'll go back into these places and I have a, what they call a photographic memory from when I was a child. And it's it's due to trauma, actually. And so if you ask me a day, almost to the day, I can tell you what I was wearing, what where we were, what we were doing, who was talking. And we're talking like from from when I was in a baby. So, you know, like, sometimes I'll go back to these places or something will trigger that. And then I'll go to this place and then I'll wander off.
Blythe Cox (00:36:51) - And in that place I'm like, whoa, whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa whoa, you know? So I had to start to recognize the triggers of those things and avoid those shirts and be like, okay, don't need to do that. I don't mean to drive by that. I don't need to go here. I don't need to hear that whatever it was. And then be intentional. Make shifts in what the direction that I wanted to go in was, because I don't want to go back there. And sometimes I still go back there, but I always try to redirect where I'm going, or sometimes my husband helps me, or sometimes my daughter is like, mom, stop talking about that. It's okay. I'm like, you know what? You're right. I'm glad you said something, you know? Because sometimes I don't recognize it myself and someone else recognizes it won't be so. Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer (00:37:36) - Yeah. That's the power of having family and friends, coaches, mentors, support around you and just give you that because we can't see the label from inside the jar, like, right? We don't know what the words are on it, but somebody else can read it for us and let us know.
Kimberly Spencer (00:37:54) - My husband's incredibly good with noticing mine and he's like, hey, can I put the lid back? And when you think of how you love yourself now, though, because you have cultivated such as like this beautiful love and this love of service, like you are actively involved in our community, you were actively involved in supporting women, in building other people up in the crisis center of Comal County and just the the Women's Business Alliance. So many things you're actively involved in while also, you know, maintaining a successful career and being a more. How do you love yourself through each one of those roles?
Blythe Cox (00:38:38) - In some of those roles. Teach me how to love myself. You know, I learn new things all the time through other people, and I discover new things about someone's life or, you know, their journey or whatever. And it and it it gives me, perspective. I love perspective, I really do. I listen to a lot of different types of podcasts and, read different types of books.
Blythe Cox (00:39:06) - It's really funny because people are like, we listen to podcasts like I do because it's interesting to hear what different people you know, want out of their life or what what they what it is that their purpose or what it is that they do or why they do these things. Whatever. You know what? The one thing that I found is that people want to be loved. They just want to be loved and they want to have purpose. And so that's my purpose too. You know. Right. And so loving myself, I, I just I find new ways to do that sometimes. Sometimes I reinvent that a little bit and I'm like, you know what? I here and I just did that. And now I look at the world look fabulous. I do have these moments where over time I have. I feel like that began to come into the love of myself more. but gosh, there's times to where I'm just like, oh, I hate me today. You know, I really do.
Blythe Cox (00:40:06) - You know where I'm feeling bloated or, I don't know, whatever. It's just, you know, you're just like, I'm not gay and I don't like this, and I don't want to be around you or anybody else.
Kimberly Spencer (00:40:17) - How do you got to being to to that, to that source?
Blythe Cox (00:40:21) - Yeah, I do that.
Kimberly Spencer (00:40:23) - How do you pull yourself out? Like, not rest and either pull yourself out or pull yourself through it. When you recognize those moments.
Blythe Cox (00:40:33) - You know, I think that, for me. I don't know, it's just kind of a knowing. I don't know if it's a it's a, it's a straight thing if it it's a god thing if it's a little bit of everything. But I just kind of go, hey, you know what? You're good, right? Yeah. You're good. And this is good. And you're going to get through this. This too shall pass. Whatever this is. And you will come on to the other side and you will be transformed from that, whatever that may be.
Blythe Cox (00:41:11) - Because you'll be a different person tomorrow than you were today. And the only purpose that you have to get better over time and to grow in that and help people. And I love helping people because. And that's you asked me, you talked about, you know, like community service and all that. I have always been a person who wanted to give. I am, I give, and I love gifts, and I love watching people open gifts. And so service is like a physical gift, a literal gift. And I just enjoy it so much because I feel like even if it's a small thing, that it is impacting someone in some way, some way, I don't I don't care if it's if it's a pair of socks that I've given some, some something. I really feel like whoever gets those socks, it needs those socks and they are going to use them. And whether they throw them away or they put them on their hand, I don't know. But whatever it is, it's it has a purpose because God knows that my heart and what the purpose was that he asked me to do.
Blythe Cox (00:42:16) - And so I feel as though I'm serving him what I'm doing, my service in the community. And that's the purpose of it, is to really share God's love. Not not bless, not lie. It's to share God's love with others. That's what it's for.
Kimberly Spencer (00:42:33) - You are such a beautiful relationship with God and just religion in general, and I know a lot of our listeners don't mess up like they may have. They may call it something different. They may call it a source universe. how in those moments were you able to not blame God?
Blythe Cox (00:42:52) - Oh. Oh. You know, I think that that's a really good question. I knew that he was there. Right. I'm known that he's always been able to. Pull me out of the depths of whatever. Right. And he could have changed this in the blink of an eye. So why didn't he? Why did I have to go through these things? Why did you have to go through things? Why does anybody have to go through things? And one thing that kept popping up for me was why, why why why? Guess what? I don't need to know why.
Blythe Cox (00:43:33) - I don't have to know the answer. I don't have to be the all knowing flies. I just have to do. And I wonder one day I'm telling you like it's. It's just. It's so true. But that's really what got me through. Because if I can't ask him why all the time and needing validation and needing some answer and a reason and so forth and so forth, I want to just continue to be like, this is not fair. This is terrible, this is awful. My life's awful. And and he could have changed this and blame that all day long. But literally it was like. It was like riding on the wall one day. And I felt the spirit coming to me and and and a note from God that was like, stop asking the questions. You don't have to know the answer. I was. This is what I put before you. And I just need you to obey and trust the process because I love you. And I love them just as much as I love you.
Blythe Cox (00:44:46) - I died for them just as much as I died for you. And so I had to come to terms with that. And I've struggled with that because I don't want to lose my family. Nobody wants anything like that to ever happen to them. I didn't want to lose a child. I didn't want to have a miscarriage when I was 15 years. I didn't want to be hurt when I was 13 and be in emergency surgery. I didn't want to have another family member that died. I didn't want to have all these things happen to me. But you know what? God knows why. And I just have to trust that and know that. That's why, you know, he put me. He put me through all those things so I can talk to you today. You know, that's one of the reasons why.
Kimberly Spencer (00:45:34) - And looking at you now, why is such a. It's such a great question, like looking forward, looking at purpose, looking at vision. But it's a really crappy question when you're looking at your past.
Kimberly Spencer (00:45:48) - And I found that I love that you were told to stop. The question of why? Because sometimes we'll never know why. But instead. Looking at what questions shifted. What question? Maybe it's, like for me, it was. Instead of asking why, I started asking, well, like, what do I actually want to feel like? Do I really want to focus on the why that's making me feel horrible, making me focus on all the things that are wrong? Or do I want to focus on actually trying to source and find love and joy and peace and happiness?
Blythe Cox (00:46:30) - Right. Find to choose love. Yeah, that's what I had to choose. And that's the title of my chapter in the book, is Choose to Love. Because I had to choose to love myself. I had to choose to love my past. I had to choose to love my father. Even though that all happened. I had to choose to love, you know, a future. What does that look like? I mean.
Blythe Cox (00:46:54) - It is a choice, you know? And you know. I know you're married. I've been married for 20 something years now, and I got to choose to love sometimes. I have to choose to love my children sometimes. Or my job or whatever it may be. Right? You know, we don't want to always do what's in front of us or what I've been through. We didn't want to do that either. But we we need to do that because that's that's part of the process, you know, and choosing to do that. And choosing to love is its decision. And it's you have to be intentional about that decision.
Kimberly Spencer (00:47:38) - Y'all. She said it. I didn't get my audience like my attention was on decision making. Like the decision to actively choose how you are experiencing life when default programming is like this is how you could experience it and it's negative autofill. I was going to say horrifying and horrible. That kind of court came into one.
Blythe Cox (00:48:02) - Of son.
Kimberly Spencer (00:48:03) - It really soon. Yeah. What are you.
Blythe Cox (00:48:05) - Pursuing? Are you pursuing your past or are you pursuing your future? You get to decide. And if you want to love something, you get to decide. And that's how I had to look at it. There was no other way. It was either that way or literally in the grade for myself. There was no other way. There was no other way.
Kimberly Spencer (00:48:27) - Love affair.
Blythe Cox (00:48:29) - Right.
Kimberly Spencer (00:48:30) - Know how to. In the process of learning the love. How did forgiveness play a role?
Blythe Cox (00:48:37) - Wow. You know, I think that forgiveness is a really big word, and. We use it as like, oh, I forgive him. But do we really? You know. So I had to say to myself, you know what? I hate all of this. I hate it all. I really do. When God forgave me. For the things that I've done. And he forgave him. And he forgives you before we can even forgive ourselves. And if I can't forgive. Then how am I supposed to ask him to forgive me for the things that I'm doing yesterday? Next year, whatever it might be, because we're all going to mess up in life.
Blythe Cox (00:49:29) - Some of them are really big and some of them are really small. But it's all about forgiveness. And, you know, I think I've had to choose to forgive over and over and over again. I don't think it's necessarily been something like, you know what I forgave? No, that's not exactly how it happened. It's like I had to be intentional and say, you know what? I love this person. And regardless of the circumstances, I do forgive. Because they know that what they do, they're not even here anymore. How can you hate somebody who's who's dead and then, you know. but you can. I can tell you that you can't have there.
Kimberly Spencer (00:50:14) - You can.
Blythe Cox (00:50:15) - You can't. But I had to be again, choose to do it. And, you know, just keep. Keep at it. Keep at it for getting this far, because I think that's probably the hardest part. Honestly, I can love somebody because that's something that you long to do, right? That's something we long to do in life is to be loved and to have purpose.
Blythe Cox (00:50:37) - But forgiving was not on the list. But I have to forgive and I have forgiven. And you know, I still think, you know, like. That person. Maybe it's a person in your life right now, or maybe it's someone that somebody's going to deal with in the future or whatever, and there's going to be something that's going to happen between people or circumstances or whatever. And. We get to choose whether we're going to forget that person or not, because we're the only ones who are going to realize, you know, how that's affecting us. And I couldn't allow it to affect me in the ways that it was, because it was so heavy that if I didn't release that and didn't forgive that I was, I was going to carry that darkness with me.
Kimberly Spencer (00:51:26) - What a string of must feel like for you.
Blythe Cox (00:51:29) - Oh my goodness. It's very freeing, really. You know, I think once you make the decision to do it, you're like, you know what? This is a good place.
Blythe Cox (00:51:39) - I feel peace about it. And. That's how it feels for me. You know, sometimes it's been. A scream and match with God or with, you know, the closet or the shower or whatever. And like I, I've really dug in and been like, no, I'm not, I'm not doing this. I don't want to. I don't want you. I'm not ready for that. I want to be mad. I want to not forgive. And again choosing over and over again that, you know, I need to do that for myself, not for someone else. It's not for somebody else's benefit from all.
Kimberly Spencer (00:52:15) - You are so strong. And I'm sure you have heard that. And in the space of hearing that. I know that sometimes those who are very strong. At least I know for me, because I've been told that I'm very strong and it's great. And then there are those moments that I don't want to be.
Blythe Cox (00:52:36) - Yeah. Yeah. For sure. You know, I recently had a, you know, a moment, in my life and, You know, I just wanted to kind of feel the moment, you know, where I was down, I was I was mad, I was upset about something.
Blythe Cox (00:52:57) - I wanted to feel that way. I didn't want to forgive. I didn't want to move on from it. I wanted to just wallow in it for a while, and I felt like, shit, I'm gonna be honest with you. Like I felt I'm weak. I mean, like it was over a week and I was just mad at my kids. I was mad at my husband, and I was mad about work, and I was mad about our body. And my hair wasn't right. Nothing was right. And then I realized I was like. I'm doing this. I'm doing this to me. Why am I doing this? I don't recognize what I was doing because I'd gotten so far down into the depths of it that I was like, I couldn't see where it even had started. And then I was like, oh gosh, I know how this began, and I need to address that and forgive that and decide to move on from that. And I did. And I was like, okay, that's I gotta be done with that because this is hurting me and it's hurting my family and it's hurting my outlook and respected and everything.
Blythe Cox (00:54:01) - I was just in a bad place.
Kimberly Spencer (00:54:04) - Yeah. So yeah, it really does.
Blythe Cox (00:54:06) - Matter to use it over and over again. Make the decisions.
Kimberly Spencer (00:54:10) - Choosing. Choosing love. Choosing to forgive and choosing to. I mean, it sounds so glib, like, oh, I'm gonna take the high road. It also sounds a little arrogant, quite frankly. Yeah, I'm gonna take the high road. Oh, yeah. But at the same time, it's on a vibratory emotional scale. Like love actually resonates that I'm far higher vibration than saying guilt, fear, anger, pride. And when we're holding on to that shit, then that's where we're getting stuck in our own pride and our own anger and all that. We're not actually living into the space where we can cultivate around this love. And I've found that just by shifting our perspective, sometimes the perspective of the entire situation changes. Yeah.
Blythe Cox (00:55:01) - Yeah, I agree with that wholeheartedly. you know, and sometimes you don't want to see that. You don't want to receive someone else's perspective.
Blythe Cox (00:55:11) - You don't want to hear what they have to say. And you know, for medicine out. Really miss it out when we choose to do that. And I've done that. But you know again. You know, what do we want? What are we pursuing in life? And I think that's where it's at. Really? Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer (00:55:30) - And the pursuit of love and joy. Right.
Blythe Cox (00:55:34) - Right.
Kimberly Spencer (00:55:34) - Well, I love this conversation. And I would just like to flip the script into a little bit of a lighter note. Sure. And go into some rapid fire.
Blythe Cox (00:55:45) - Oh, okay.
Kimberly Spencer (00:55:47) - So you ready?
Blythe Cox (00:55:49) - Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer (00:55:49) - I'm ready. Who is her favorite female character in a book or a movie and why?
Blythe Cox (00:55:55) - Goldie.
Kimberly Spencer (00:55:56) - Man overboard.
Blythe Cox (00:55:59) - I love it so much. I do, I just love her energy and her smile and her wit. And I just love her. I don't know why.
Kimberly Spencer (00:56:08) - What woman would you want to trade places with just for a day to, like, be in her body at any point in history?
Blythe Cox (00:56:14) - You know, I think Queen Elizabeth, I would want to really know what it was like to meet Queen Elizabeth for just a day.
Blythe Cox (00:56:22) - I think that woman probably. Felt and heard and lived more than we could ever imagine. And to get that insight would be.
Kimberly Spencer (00:56:34) - So eye.
Blythe Cox (00:56:34) - Opening for me, I think.
Kimberly Spencer (00:56:37) - What is your morning routine for a successful and joyful and love filled day?
Blythe Cox (00:56:44) - being made by your husband or someone else? definitely a little time yourself to kind of just mosey, maybe, meditate and, you know, get some music in there. A little bit of that and try to get ready in about 45 minutes.
Kimberly Spencer (00:57:09) - And he's got a triple M framework for morning success. Mozart meditative music.
Blythe Cox (00:57:16) - That's right.
Kimberly Spencer (00:57:19) - How do you set yourself up for a successful morning with your evening routine? What's your evening look like?
Blythe Cox (00:57:26) - I really and people know this about me. I wear a dress probably every day of my life. Years ago. I didn't do that. I wore pantsuit and I wore a jacket and I wore undershirt, and I wore a belt and I wore whatever. And I really started shifting my wardrobe into a dress because it's like a one stop shop for me.
Blythe Cox (00:57:51) - And so I can have it dry cleaned and hang it up, and I put it on. And honestly, like that safe space, so much time in the evenings from ironing or getting ready or putting something together and multiple layers and being hot and sweaty and whatever, that saves me a bunch of time. And then I walk probably a few times a week, at least three times a week. I go and walk in the evening, and that really gets me geared up for whatever the rest of my evening may look like. And it also helps kind of renew my mind a little bit. I just like, I like to just look in the nature. Sometimes I sometimes it's late because it doesn't matter what time I come home, I go walk. So it may be 830 at night and people are like, why is that laying out like this? Like it's it's true. It's like they will see me and they're like, oh, that's that lady that lives on the street. But I try to be intentional about that.
Blythe Cox (00:58:46) - and then, you know, try to eat as healthy as possible. That doesn't always happen. Last night we had tamales and it was awesome. But I try to do that, spend time with family. I don't watch a lot of TV. I read and I may listen to, find information about something that I project that I have going on at work or prepare for something that I have the next day, spend time with my girls. I like to just visit with them. And yeah.
Kimberly Spencer (00:59:17) - If you do watch TV, that a football game.
Blythe Cox (00:59:19) - It's usually football. Football's Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday. How many more days is football? My husband to listen to this. He's going to be like, you really mentioned that and be like, yes, because.
Kimberly Spencer (00:59:32) - It's all right. It's all okay. I am not a football person or sports person whatsoever, but I do love the athlete's mentality and like, wow, how athletes think and how they approach their life and day. It's like I love that.
Kimberly Spencer (00:59:56) - What do you define to be your queendom.
Blythe Cox (01:00:00) - really, what I feel like I'm in my queendom is, is when I get to be, I just get to be myself, like. And I'm not saying that I don't get to be myself most of the time, but, you know, we're in a work environment or you're like, you know, in a professional setting or so forth. Like, I have a best friend. And we just that feels to me like, you know, drinks with my best friend and a Moses on a Friday night and some dancing and, I don't know, a Jeep ride, down to the river. That's where I feel like I'm just in my kingdom, honestly. Because that's. That's the heart of who I am. And a lot of brings me a lot of joy. It's just breaking down the walls and say, you know what this is? This is my space. This is where I feel like I'm the most at, at one with myself, I guess you could say.
Kimberly Spencer (01:00:53) - Yeah. And lastly, how do you crowned yourself?
Blythe Cox (01:00:58) - with lots of jewels? no. how do I crown myself? You know, my my my girls are my crown. My girls are my crown. My two girls are so smart. And really, I feel like people define success and and in so many different ways. Success for me is. You know, not necessarily a successful career or a successful whatever, you know, degrees or whatever. Success for me is knowing that my girls are going to be or becoming, you know, productive citizens who are giving back to their community, who have compassion. Who are seeking joy and love, but are coming into themselves and and knowing who they are and and loving that and embracing that. And I feel like somehow watching the success of, you know, come to fruition within that, that I've, I've tried to instill in them and really those that's my ground. That's where I feel like my ground is.
Kimberly Spencer (01:02:10) - Life here. Phenomenal. And I am so excited to see who you who.
Kimberly Spencer (01:02:17) - Not only are you becoming this path to your new purpose, but also what your girls are going to do with such a shining example as you consciously doing the work and choosing joy consistently.
Blythe Cox (01:02:32) - Well, thank you so much. I really I've enjoyed being on this bike with you so much.
Kimberly Spencer (01:02:37) - Absolutely. And be sure to get a copy of Shine Your Light and read a live story on how to choose love, because it's what makes the world go round and what every 80s song is about. And Brian. And the magic that allows you to deeply forgive and transcend trauma. So with that, as always, my fellow sovereigns, own your throne. Mind your business, because your reign is now.
Kimberly Spencer (01:03:12) - Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you, be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend. Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty. And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration.
Kimberly Spencer (01:03:34) - I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business and life that rules because today you crown yourself.
