Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - Drama queen. So we know from any form of TV that drama gets attention. And in our society, it's very commonly seen from reality TV to your binge-worthy Netflix show. That drama gets attention. So what happens when you believe that drama is what gets your attention when you want more visibility? Stay tuned. Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body, and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself Calm, and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, and TEDx speaker, known to my clients as a game changer. Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Hello and welcome back to the Crown Yourself podcast, where we are shifting subconscious beliefs around your identity, your business, your visibility, and your authenticity and self-expression so you can stand out and shine as the hashtag queen you were supposed to be.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:25) - You were born to be. You were made to be, you’re divinely created to be. So if you've been listening to this podcast for a hot minute, you know that I grew up in an alcoholic home and my dad was an addict, even though I saw him grow a very successful tree company with my mom over the course of 30 years. It took them about ten years to get their shit together, simply because my dad was dealing with losing both his parents, and when he lost both his parents, which he had a very complex relationship with, he just went down the rabbit hole with drinking and the times of my life that were the most abusive and traumatic were in those times. And so growing up in a home with an addict creates drama like you're just naturally much more around chaos. Like there is a belief that was instilled in me from an early age that the more chaotic it is, the more I can actually, thrive, because I can just navigate through that madness which can work in times it definitely, certainly has, has served me to a point.
Kimberly Spencer (00:02:34) - But the drama of the chaos is something that I want to address because I have seen this repeated with my clients recently, where clients who have had some form of trauma in their past somehow, as are expanding in their visibility, whether it's on podcasts or on social media or in their business, they start to attract more drama on the interwebs. Now, yes, in the past few years, can we just be real? That it's created a lot of whiny little people? It boggles my mind to be the person who's like, you know what? Today I'm just going to show up and post negative and contrary on other people's posts. I'm just going to just spew that stuff all over it. That just boggles my mind. And yet it does happen sometimes. But what they remember the first principle that which is conscious manifests happily, and that which is unconscious manifests unhappily. And so if you're unhappy with somehow you're getting activated because you're getting these comments on your posts and things where you're like, what even is that about? Like, oh, that suddenly just like a hater just wants to pop on.
Kimberly Spencer (00:03:45) - Then there is drama that gets activated. So maybe, maybe I'd like to invite you to explore the possibility that there could possibly be a subconscious belief around the validation that drama can provide. And especially I think this is incredibly poignant, as we were in an election year, and there can be a lot of drama around politics, especially in the US. So I was talking to a very good friend of mine who's a CEO, and she's from Australia, and she was talking to her friends back in Australia, and she was like, what are you watching these days? And she's like American politics. It's fascinating. just because of the absolute drama that gets instilled as humans, we all desire to be seen, heard, valued and respected. And sometimes we confuse respect. Especially if you've come from an addict home, especially if you've had trauma in your past. We can confuse respect for attention. And if you've ever been in any sort of domestic violence relationship, this is definitely prevalent. I've seen this rear its ugly head regularly in that space, but subconsciously you create what you think is going to produce results.
Kimberly Spencer (00:04:53) - So if there's a part of you that subconsciously believes that in the creation of drama, you're going to get a. Tension and visibility, then guess what's going to happen? Because you create that which. It's the law of vibration right there. Like we vibrate at a specific frequency. And if that is the frequency of drama that we are vibrating at, then we are going to attract drama into our lives. And I remember, gosh, there are so many stories where I just when I was a kid and I played with, how much drama could I actually drum up? In order to get attention. And I was like, especially to find belonging, to find people because you get especially in drama, you can get people rallying to your side and advocating for you. And oh my gosh, he's so right. And I mean, I've had that happen with some of my posts that I didn't even see happened. My business bestie, Amanda Kaufman, she told me because she saw one of my posts somewhere, and my community was rallying to my side around this post, and it was a post about ownership and and really assessing your victim story.
Kimberly Spencer (00:05:56) - And apparently there were some people who didn't appreciate, being called out as a victim. Not that I felt like I was calling anyone out. I was just calling them to own their story. But they felt that my post was activating. And so some definitely went into their victim stories, and my community actually rallied to it. But I didn't see it. Like, I had no idea that this was occurring on Facebook or Instagram. I forgot where it was, but I had no idea. And that's a sign that I was like, oh, that didn't even bother me because I am so confident in my story now of ownership where like the victim story is so old, like it's so old, it's so saturated. Like if you want a saturated market, try a victim story. That's a very saturated market. And it didn't impact me. And because it didn't activate anything in me. And I also subconsciously actually didn't even see it then either. It's so repressed that it's not coming up to conscious awareness because my unconscious mind isn't ready for that healing, or I've actually done that healing and it's so conscious that it didn't even manifest into my reality where I was like, oh, that's not even going to bother me.
Kimberly Spencer (00:07:07) - Like it manifested in a very positive way with my friend Amanda is telling me like, oh, your community rallied toward me. And I was like, rock on, that's great. Love my community. Love you guys. You guys are amazing. So that's the power, though, of your unconscious mind and your projections because the universe is mental. And so what happens when you desire the results of attention and getting visibility even with it's if it's with like the most good hearted, service oriented, pure intentions to serve, but you have some lingering subconscious beliefs around. Drama. While subconsciously you will create spaces where drama and haters and things that you don't necessarily want to see will come into play. Now how you will know if you are healing is by what you feel inside. So follow me on this one. Your triggers are your teachers. I'm sure you've seen that on an Instagram card. And when you see each thing on social media or on a podcast, that activates something and you were where you're like, oh no, or you feel offended, then this is an opportunity for you to assess the belief system that is going into this.
Kimberly Spencer (00:08:23) - Now, one of the beliefs that I have shifted into was from drama, because I used to be like a frickin drama queen when I was in middle school. And I guess maybe that's a middle school girl thing, but I used to pretend like I fainted. or I would, and I probably was, like, also simultaneously very malnourished because I was bulimic and only drinking Diet Coke and not drinking water. So it was highly likely that, you know, there was like, I physically didn't feel well, but I would over exaggerate because in my family, what I grew up seeing was that physical ailments get praise and attention and you get the poor me stories of all, oh, you're so sick. All oh, you need you got a boo boo. Oh, okay. And it's something that I now watch as a mother with kids that are aware of booboos and bandages and, and you know, we do want to there's a balance between helping them regulate and process through, oh, I got a I got an owie and I'm bleeding and coddling them.
Kimberly Spencer (00:09:32) - To have them believe that by being a victim, by getting injured and getting hurt, that it actually creates the attention that they desire. So in order to combat that, you want to make sure, especially if you're a parent, that you are not role modeling or super praising the injury and that you are downplaying the ones that are, let's just say over dramatized, like when my lovely six year old comes and he's like, look, mama, look, I've got a cut. It's it's bleeding, do you see? And it's like barely a pinprick. And I'm like, okay. I could see how, like, a hangnail could bother you and we can put a Band-Aid on it. Is it gushing blood? And he's like, no. And I'm like, okay, well, then maybe one of my favorite things to ask is, is this a small problem or a big problem? And he typically will look at it and be like small problem. And I say, okay, small problem, small reaction.
Kimberly Spencer (00:10:31) - And I've said that repeatedly to him and it's really shaped a framework. Same with business owners as well. Like when I coach business owners, I look at the scope of reaction and we don't know what is a small problem because we only know the level of problems that we're used to. And if you think about it like from the perspective of a child, a child sees a problem and they, you know, let's say they drop their marker on the ground and it's like, no, that's so devastating. And they, you know, it's a challenge and this whole drama and you're like, dude, you just get off your chair and you pick it up. Well, I had a similar experience in business, actually. Fast forward 30 years later and we were having a very tight cashflow month, and I was talking to my mom and as you as I shared earlier, like my mom and dad, they grew a multimillion dollar business, even with my dad being a highly functioning alcoholic. And so we're there and I'm telling her about like, mom, I have like two weeks left of payroll and that that's it.
Kimberly Spencer (00:11:37) - Like, I don't know what I'm going to do after this. And she's like two weeks, you're so far ahead. And I was like, what? As she said. Yeah, there were some days, Kim, where we had two days left of payroll for the week, like, that's that was it. And I said, oh, okay. So with a little bit of perspective, the drama of what we think is such a big deal is actually really not. And I remember one of my mentors said years ago, like the problems that I'm facing now at a multi seven figure level are things that would make you recoil with terror and fear versus like, I remember when I was just starting out and now having grown my businesses. And the same is true with having kids, like, right. I was just having, a park date with my very good friend who just had her first baby, and she's in her 40s and it's her first. And they tried so hard to get pregnant and she finally had her.
Kimberly Spencer (00:12:40) - And like, she bought everything. Like, all the things, every baby proofing thing you need versus like, me with the second child, I'm like, yeah, you don't need the bouncer. You don't need the swing. You don't need the you don't need a majority of the things that you're sold and told that you need when you become a first-time mom. But I did the same thing when I was the first time with Declan. Like, I bought all of this stuff and the carrier thing on the side of the bed because we wanted to co-sleep, but we were scared of like that. A lot of traditional Western more practitioners will put into your head like, oh, the co-sleeping fears and I with a second baby, I was just like, we don't need a crib, we don't need a nursery. I had a friend who had her first baby and she's like, we did the whole nursery and it's gorgeous. And I said, and a year later I met with her and she was like, he's never used the nursery.
Kimberly Spencer (00:13:32) - Once. I spent so much money on this nursery because you have this whole ideal of like, oh my gosh, this is what it should be. The same is true with business. This absolute same is true. So I remember the first time that Declan got, the croup, and we were terrified. Like, he just kept coughing and it sounded horrible. And we were like, oh, my God. We just had, like, all these fears of like, oh my gosh, is this like, is this pneumonia? Is this like something horrible? Is this the bubonic plague? Like, what is it? And, you know, we call, we message the doctor, because that's one of our, privileges. I'm really like, I love his pediatrician so much that we can just message him at any time and with any sound or cough or video, and he just responds back. He's like, oh, that coughing, bring him in. But it sounds like the croup. he goes, I have to check, see where it is in his body.
Kimberly Spencer (00:14:26) - But for the most part, it sounds like the croup. And I said, oh. And I said, okay, well, what do you do? Like, I remember Anne of Green Gables, you know, the sister had the croup and it was really bad and she was hard to breathe. And he's like, just here's the things that you take, put the humidifier on. Like it's all good. It's. And when you have experience in dealing with problems like a pediatrician sees the croup and coughs and vomit and things like that all day long, so it's no big deal. The same is true with money. The same is true with your business. There are problems that you face at every next level where the drama of what you think is the problem is actually not a big deal. Like because you're seeing it so often. It's like the first time I ever had to deal with lawyers and the buyout. Like, I was so grateful that I had my husband with me, who had dealt with lawyers, who had been to court, you know, with his, multimillionaire real estate business that he lost when he got divorced.
Kimberly Spencer (00:15:26) - But that experience, he knew, he knew the legal process like he knew. Yet that typically it's about a five back and forth negotiation, that lawyers will come back and say this, but it's really just to lower your price. And meanwhile, I'm taking everything deeply, personally. And I'm like, they said, I'm, you know, I'm not college educated. And they're gonna, you know, destroy my reputation. And he's like, they're not they can't. It's literally in your contract. Like they can't impugn your character. And I was like, oh. Okay, so he brought such a level head, but it's because he'd been through those problems. And so this is why when we have drama and we are experiencing any form of drama, I invite you to look ahead to see, is this something that other people have experienced? Great. Is this something that other people experience a lot? Now, if you want and this is like, this is what I call conscious scrolling, you can go to some of your favorite Instagram accounts, people that you deeply admire, people who maybe they have a level of income or a level of followership that you would like to have in your in your as you build your empire and just look, look at how many supportive comments they have and look at how many negative comments they have.
Kimberly Spencer (00:16:45) - And do the math. Do the simple math and say, okay, wow. And ask yourself, would I be turning? Would I be? Fretting and having panic attacks and pulling my hair out. If I had the amount of negative comments that they have. Possibly if you're, like, freaking out over that one hater on social media who's like, I disagree with your stance. And you're like, okay. Like I remember the first time I got very public feedback on one of my posts and I was like, oh, okay. Well, I appreciate your perspective. And I engaged for a little bit. And then I was like, what the hell am I doing like this? I'm not gonna change this person's mind. I mean, I can, you know, put plant some seeds ideally. But this person seems very committed to their perspective. That's fine. And so ask yourself, is there anything that I need to learn from this? Is there anything that's within this comment? This challenge, this this drama that's being stirred up online around my post or my content or my podcast or whatever? Is there anything that I can personally address within me? Because all we have control over is ourselves and so and and our own projections, it's always you versus you.
Kimberly Spencer (00:18:07) - So if your projections are creating in essence, if we if we were to take ultimate responsibility and be the complete masters of the of our own universe and the creators of our lives and say, okay, my projections are creating haters coming into my comments, and I'm not saying that they won't, even if you clear up your projections. but I am saying that if they're activating you in a certain way where you're like, oh, how could they say this? Oh no. How are in creating all the drama being stirred up? Then ask yourself, is there anything unconscious that I need to learn? Because if it's bringing something up in you, then it's activating something that your unconscious mind has said. Here you go, I love you. I see that you're now available to heal. This. You have now. Congratulations reached a stage where you are able to heal and work through this. Go forth Queen. Let's dive in. And that's where you get to the root and you dive in. You explore it.
Kimberly Spencer (00:19:07) - You assess, what can I learn from this? Where is this activating me? How is this actually a problem? And. Do the inner work that's required. To shift it because that's how you then alchemist the drama. Into something that grows you. So for example, I with my drama beliefs when I was younger, I shifted the belief early on as a child from drama, getting the attention to excellence, getting the attention. Well, back then, for a while it was perfectionism getting me attention. And while that worked for a time, perfection getting the attention, it certainly did. Like I was running for, you know, class president. And I was joining all the clubs and I was doing all the plays, and I was doing all the things and getting all the great grades and all of these things. That the problem was, was that if I didn't get the good grades or if I didn't get the get the part, then I would feel, oh, I failed. So I shifted that belief as I grew up from instead of drama getting the attention and instead of perfection getting me attention to excellence gets attention.
Kimberly Spencer (00:20:26) - And excellence is a practice. It's a skill set, and it's a constant, moving, infinite goal. Because it's an infinite goal. You will probably never reach it in this lifetime, but we can still chase it. We still do it to the best of our ability, to the best that we know at at this point in time. Because a decade from now, we're gonna look back and be like, oh, I could do have done it so much better. Yes, you could, because you have a decade more of experience and learning and growth. But for all the resources, all the tools, all the skill sets that you have in this moment. How can that leverage and get you attention? So that's how I shifted it. I shifted the belief from looking at what can I replace this belief with? When I recognized that there was a belief in me and this was early on, way before social media. So I'm very grateful I went through that then because I see so many people struggling with it now.
Kimberly Spencer (00:21:25) - When I recognize that belief, and I saw that I that drama was getting the attention. And that I no longer really wanted the attention of drama. Because quite frankly, drama is exhausting. It's exhausting to be all caught up in a tizzy of so many things, and it's like, oh, it's freaking Scarlett O'Hara. No thank you. So instead shifting it to perfection, which, yes, that wasn't the most that it was healthier than drama, but it it wasn't the healthiest for my mental state overall, which then meant I got to shift it again. I got to shift it from. Perfection if I have to do everything perfect, which gave so much anxiety and put so much pressure on me and made me be so hard on myself to choosing excellence and setting a standard of excellence, because that is how you change the game. When you start raising your standards of what you will tolerate. For me, I don't tolerate petty nonsense drama like I just don't. And and I see that even with my kids, like if they are legitimately hurt, absolutely I am.
Kimberly Spencer (00:22:34) - I pour into them. I give them hugs and cuddles 100%. But I had this experience with one of my friends, and her child was running out the door and didn't quite know that the door was open, and so he tripped and he fell out the door. And I saw the moment before he saw his mother's reaction and he was confused. He was surprised. He wasn't quite sure how to react. And I was like, hey, bud, you okay? And with a smile and just looking at him. And then his mother. Who I love responded very differently, and he adopted the behavior of the panic and the fear. Of his mother. That came from the drama versus looking at the situation and assessing am I okay? Am I healthy? Is anything broken? Do I feel okay? Okay. I'm okay. And allow yourself to look from that space of presence. Where in your life are you creating unnecessary drama? And I've done this. Believe me, I've done this before. A lot of times the drama can stem from shame and guilt, and I definitely did this in my finances for a long time, and I definitely did this with my body for a long time.
Kimberly Spencer (00:23:52) - So I don't know, I was very skilled at not projecting it outward, but inward. There could be a whole drama story. I'm very skilled in making myself the main character and the main villain. And that's a it's a skill set of high performers and high achievers. So when you look at that skill set, then look at how are you casting yourself in the villain role of your life? How are you making yourself the, you know, the one who's keeping you away from your own goals? Even though really we know that you could conquer that bitch in his hot second. And I'll share with you how I did this in my finances. So I would create drama at a tizzy and constriction, and I would be like, oh, you know, just, oh yeah, we got that. And I would just avoid I would create a cycle of avoidance which then created delay, which then created drama versus approaching rather than avoiding deciding rather than delaying, which created progress. So. Approach.
Kimberly Spencer (00:25:05) - Decide. Create progress. No more drama. And that was the level of responsibility that I had to adapt to as I started making more money, because my old programming allowed me to be in a space where I could avoid and where I was taught to avoid and delay and create drama, which got me attention versus getting results. And I had to decide what are the actual results that I want. Do I want a greater financial wealth for my family? And financial growth of my businesses. Yes. Or do I want to delay and drama and let myself play around just so I can play around in this old story? And that's where you get to decide today. What is the new story you want to create around any area that you've been avoiding or drama has been playing out in your life? If it's avoiding that conversation with your spouse, and thus the drama is you get to go off and tell it. Talk to your girlfriends about, oh, let me tell you about what he did. Is it the drama of your business where you aren't putting in systems and structure and organizational operations to sustain it so that you get the drama of chaos and you are happy? You know, you have to do everything and you get to do a million different hats, and you always get to stay busy, but you don't actually you aren't actually making progress year after year and growth after growth.
Kimberly Spencer (00:26:45) - Is it the drama of your finances where you get to avoid looking at them and you, you you avoid and you're like, oh, well, there's not much there anyway, so I'm just gonna kind of avoid it and just pretend like it's not there. And then suddenly there's like a bill that comes and you're like, there's the drama of the bill. Then I have to pay it, and it's this whole thing versus. Approaching engaging with the problem. Making a decision about how you're going to handle the problem and how you can solve the problem, i.e. how can you create more money? How you how can you create more systems in your business? Who do you need to hire in your business? Who do you need to support yourself? What? How? What level of sales do you need to make in your business so that you can hire someone? What conversations do you need to have in your relationship so that you can stay together and stay in that space? If it's a healthy whole, like healthy, loving space for the most part, what decisions do you need to make around your body? Guys I did this last year around my body.
Kimberly Spencer (00:27:45) - It was ridiculous. I had to call myself on my own. Bullshit. Seriously? I created this whole drama around exercise and how I had no time because now I not only had two businesses and two babies, I had a home. And it's not just a home. It's a homestead with ten acres and two donkeys and three goats and nine chickens and now three cats because it's a very fertile land. Sheesh. Like it's incredibly fertile. But I had this whole story. And then there were renovations and then there were all this. Meanwhile, my husband like, when I'm really honest with myself, my husband, he handles most of the home. Like we put it on a Trello board. He's got it. But because I had this whole story created, it allowed me to stress out about it and then create drama for my body where I. Avoided engaging my body and exercise and movement. And thus I'll be honest. I got that. Like, I gained like 20 pounds. And it wasn't just because of my health issue with mono last year.
Kimberly Spencer (00:28:59) - And it wasn't just it was all it was also a huge piece was the energetics of avoidance and avoidance gets to create drama. That's the foundation of drama. Drama is created when you avoid the problem. Middle school girls, what do they do? They don't go talk to the person that they have a problem with. They talk to everybody else around them. Oh, you should have seen what she did. Oh, yeah. And she did this to me. And then you're doing all this drama versus just saying, hey, I didn't appreciate how you treated me there. Okay, cool. I'll do better or I don't. I think you're wrong. Okay, great. We agree to disagree. Please respect me like we avoid it. And by avoiding, we create drama. And so if we want to eliminate this drama queen belief, we have to approach, we have to engage. We need to lean in and look. And actually I would highly recommend and I invite you to do this exercise when you are not driving, doing laundry, doing the dishes, you know, putting the kids down, carpooling, etc. just have a mental review of like, okay, let's get really honest.
Kimberly Spencer (00:30:10) - What are the things that I'm avoiding? So that I get to create drama. That are allowing me to create drama in my life. What are the things that I'm avoiding? Whether it's a drama where you get to be the bad guy or it's a drama where it's somebody else's fault, or it's a drama where you get to sweep in and be the hero. Where are you creating drama in your life by avoiding having those tough conversations, even if those conversations are with yourself. Or your money or your business. Let me know what you loved about today's episode over on Instagram. I am there at Kimberly Spencer or at Crown Yourself Now for our company account, and my Queen team manages that one. But if you come on over and drop me a DM at Kimberly Spencer, I love hearing your breakthroughs. And if you're looking for support in going to your next level, in truly eliminating the limiting beliefs, in cutting out the avoidance, in thoroughly, deeply engaging with your day, engaging with life, engaging with your business and your money, and having that full engagement that comes with true high performance.
Kimberly Spencer (00:31:23) - Then I invite you to book a high performance consultation with me. We will in 90 minutes, identify five of your peak subconscious success strategies that you can implement immediately. You will get a power profit plan that can grow your business 300% in the next 12 months. I've applied it. I've done it. It's amazing. I can't wait to give it to you. I can't wait to share it with you and and serve you so powerfully in this consultation where we do a deep dive into your subconscious mind, shifting things around so that you feel aligned with a purposeful plan in what you are sent here to do in that divine mission that you are given. With that, my fellow sovereigns. Own your throne. Mind your business, because your reign is now. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you, be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend. Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty.
Kimberly Spencer (00:32:28) - And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration. I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business, and life that rules because today you crown yourself.
