Kimberly Spencer (00:00:00) - Affirmations are bullshit. Here's why and here's what to do instead. To retrain your subconscious mind so that you direct it and steer it in the way that you want it to go. Stay tuned. Welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body, and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself. Com and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, known to my clients as a game changer. Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Hello, I'm Kimberly Spencer, your high-performance coach, and subconscious miracle whisperer. So I'm so excited to shift some subconscious beliefs around affirmations because there's a whole thing in the personal development world that is a myth.
Kimberly Spencer (00:01:15) - Lie. Beat your brain up. Do it the hard way sort of thing. And it is affirmations. And I'm going to take you back. We're going to go back in time, and I'm going to tell you a story about a young. Pregnant business owner. Me. In 2017, I joined a group coaching program for growing your coaching business. I was enthralled with the marketing message of how this coach had done a quarter of a million in just six months, and I thought, if she can, I can too. I did not. And that's okay. Sometimes results take time. And one of the big things in that program, though, was affirmations. And I remember standing on my chair declaring at midnight, late into the eve my affirmations that I am making $1 million this year in the next 12 months. Here's why that didn't work. My subconscious mind believed that was absolute bullshit. Thought that that was crap. That that was. I was wanting to want it. I didn't really want it.
Kimberly Spencer (00:02:34) - Because honestly, what I wanted was just to birth my child and to make some money in my coaching business. And that's exactly what happened. I birthed my child and I made some money in my coaching business, and I had to go through all of this healing with, you know, giving birth in like, this, like whole new birthing of myself. Because as a mother, when you give birth to children like, it physiologically changes your brain, it changes your body. It changes how every filter in which you see the world. It's one of the greatest spiritual transformations ever. that and starting a business. And these affirmations that I was repeating were things that I was wanting to want. And affirmations don't work when you're wanting to want it. They work when you really want it, and you know that you're going to receive it and that, you know, 100% full body, fuck yes, like this is happening. They don't work when you're saying things that you think you should want because you should be there by now.
Kimberly Spencer (00:03:36) - So they don't work. When you're thinking, as Dan Sullivan from the Strategic Coach says, when you're thinking in the gap, when you're thinking of, oh, I should within a year make $1 million, you can. I'm not saying you can't. You absolutely 100% can. I've seen many business owners do it, and that wasn't my story. And that's also not why I'm saying affirmation didn't work. I'm sharing you the reasons as to why they don't work. So the reason why they don't work is because you don't have a full body. Yes. That you fully believe that it's happening. So for example. Fast forward to 2022 and we are buying our house. I had a full body. Yes, that this was our house. My gut said it. My soul said it. I also was 100% willing to walk away. And I know I recorded a podcast episode, so we'll leave a link to that in the description if you want to hear the whole saga. Because I knew. I knew in my heart and soul that this was our home, and I was also fully willing and okay with it not happening if it was.
Kimberly Spencer (00:04:39) - If certain boundary lines were crossed and that experience taught me what a full affirmation was. A full affirmation is actually an embodiment. The word affirm like, let's get linguistically nerdy for a second. The word affirm is a verb, and from Oxford Dictionary it says it is to state as a fact to assert strongly and publicly, to offer someone emotional support or encouragement so it can offer you support. It can offer you encouragement and to state it as a fact. So here's an example. He affirmed the country's commitment to peace. Think of. The the feeling of that sentence. Right? Affirming the country's commitment to peace. Versus he committed to peace. There is a decision. What happens when you add a secondary verb that needs to like kind of back up that extra verb of commitment? It means that it's not really committed. It actually there is subconsciously and linguistically if you can. People trust things that you can say in fewer words. So if you can have brevity and instead of affirming, you just commit, you just decide there's no affirmation needed.
Kimberly Spencer (00:05:57) - You don't have to constantly reaffirm, I'm making X, Y, and Z. I'm bouncing on my chair and making $1 million this year. Like, if you truly believe it, if you truly are embodying that version of you who's making $1 million a year, which is becoming the vibrational match for what it is you want. You are not bouncing up on a chair saying, I'm making $1 million a day. That's not who you are. You are literally probably just going about your day, because making $1 million in a year is very normal for you. You might drive a nicer car, you might have more team. You might have more support. You might take some more time off. Those are action steps. The problem with affirmations is that in personal development, people get hung up on the affirmations and they forget the doing. What I was not doing back in 2017 when in the early stages of my coaching company, I was not doing the actions of a multi-million dollar business owner. I was doing Canva images like I still was making money, I was making sales, I was going out, I was making offers, I was doing my photo shoots, and I was doing all these things that make you look really good on Instagram and all the things, but I was not actually doing the things that a seven figure business owner does.
Kimberly Spencer (00:07:16) - And what a seven-figure business owner does is lead. Our team is respond and engage with problems is respond to cash flow crises, is respond to a teammate doing the work, not you sitting at your computer doing the work. You can get to seven figures doing that, and it can be really hard and it can lead to burnout. So the embodiment of what I was saying was not even closely embodied. And what happens in your subconscious mind when you tell yourself a lie and you say, I am this, your subconscious mind builds a wall and then it builds a stronger one, and then it reinforces that wall and it's like, no, that's bullshit. You have to embody the affirmations so that the affirmation feels as natural as your name. So say, for example, if I were to say, hi, I'm Kimberly Spencer. I feel that in my body. I feel that in my soul. I feel that as like, yes, I'm stepping into this like, hi, this is who I am.
Kimberly Spencer (00:08:30) - Especially when I took my husband's last name. Like I was like, yes, I felt so. I felt so strongly like that was what I wanted. I wanted to be I wanted to join forces in that way. And that was my conscious choice. And from that space of being able to say, hi, I'm Kimberly Spencer. If I said, hi, I'm Kim Mackenzie, which was my maiden name. Like that, saying that now I feel like, It feels weird. Feels like an old version of who I am. Just like if I said, hi, my name is Abigail or Susan or. Or Jeff. Like, it doesn't feel like it feels silly to even say that. It feels like, oh, that doesn't feel like me. And your body is constantly reading because your body is run by your subconscious mind, and so your body is constantly reading what it is that you're saying to yourself and how much it actually believes it. It's got a built in bullshit meter. And so when you're saying affirmations that your body's going, please bullshit because your subconscious mind hasn't gotten to a place where it can back it off.
Kimberly Spencer (00:09:34) - No thank you. And that's why it gets so much more frustrating. And then people get upset and then people get frustrated about their dreams not manifesting as fast as they want because they're staying up a they're staying up in the mental realm thinking all these affirmations, but not actually embodying it on the physical meaning. What does that version of the seven-figure earner do on a daily basis, do on a weekly basis that you're not currently doing now? So say, for example, you have a think on it and you're like, ooh, the seven-figure version of me, she checks her bank account. And it's like no big deal versus currently where you're at and you're like, you don't want to look at my bank account. I know how much is in there, or I know how much is not in there. And so that there's that resistance. So if the seven-figure version of you on the physical plane is engaging with her bank account and just having an awareness looking at it. Maybe she has something called a spreadsheet and she has KPIs, and she also looks and engages with those.
Kimberly Spencer (00:10:41) - That's where the work begins. That's where you get to go and do the work and say, okay, how can I engage with my bank account on a vibrational level? Because the emotions are vibration. How can I open up my bank account as a seven-figure business owner? Just like thinking, how does she open it? Okay. Well, she opens it and there's no, like, constriction in her body. There's no feelings of or fear or anxiety. Of will there money be there or did some auto pays get paid all of that. So because there's no fear and you currently in the state that you're at, you're like, oh well I'm not there yet. I don't have the multi-millions in my bank account. I'm looking at my bank account and I'm feeling tight and constricted. Okay, well then relax your body and practice schematically, allowing your body to relax. Find that state first of just imagining where you're thinking from that seven-figure space. Okay. How does she open her bank account? Okay.
Kimberly Spencer (00:11:38) - She feels relaxed, like it's no big deal. Okay. And then once you get yourself into that state, then go look at your bank account and then you're in the practice of like, oh, I actually have money. More money than I thought I did, or oh, some unexpected bills came and I need to take care of those so that that's the space. That's how you shift the vibration and embody rather than affirm. Because embodiment is where you actually demonstrate to the universe in the physical plane, because it has everything that you want to manifest, manifest in the physical realm. It comes through spiritual, mental, and emotional, but it manifests in the physical realm in in our 3D reality and vibrations and emotions. Those have to translate into the embodiment. So it's it's all of the thoughts that the emotions translated into how you are embodying and showing up in that moment. And then when you embody and show up in that moment and engage as the version of you who already has, does and is all the things that you want to be doing have, then you're engaging rather than affirming.
Kimberly Spencer (00:12:47) - There's no reassurance that needs to be made because you're already in that state. This is how I think of affirmations. Affirmations are like acting. Affirmations. Are you learning a script? And if you've ever seen a stage play or a movie where they have the first draft and it's clunky and it's funky and they may know a bit about their character, but they aren't really embodying their character. Like they may not have gotten to the space where they are fully feeling and understanding on a cellular level, all of the different gradients and emotions and feeling that moment. So they're engaging with the words, but they're also kind of figuring out the script, and they're also kind of just feeling out the moments and, and the beats and like how it flows. That is affirmations versus embodiment is like freaking Daniel Day-Lewis in Lincoln. Or basically Daniel Day-Lewis in any movie where, like, there's no breaking character there that is like who you are in that story, in that role. And so you are operating and acting and showing up on a daily basis as that version of you versus standing on a chair, waving your arms, saying you're making $1 million.
Kimberly Spencer (00:13:58) - So when you think of whatever it is that you want to manifest in your world, that maybe in the past you've been affirming. So first comes embodiment, like really looking and assessing the goals that you have. Who is the person who is the version of you? How do they show up? How do they engage with the day at that seven figure level at that fit body with, you know, having an amazing, supportive relationship with having kids that they feel present with. Like, how does she show up? From asking those questions, you're then changing it from being something that you're having to affirm and reaffirm and reaffirm and reaffirm to that embodiment space. Then you can also have what I like to call a creed. And my creed is not affirmations. My creed are the standards that I am setting as a bare minimum of excellence. And when I first started writing my creed and reading my creed on a daily basis. My creed. There are certain pieces of it that I was like, oh, I have to feel that out for how much my body actually embodies that and believes it.
Kimberly Spencer (00:15:15) - And there was one that I was like, I was in a hard place. And it was really hard for me to say I love myself. And I'm feeling that in my body. And like there are some pieces that I'm like, I'm still working on that full, full love and forgiveness and just openness, just in total transparency. And yet it was in my creed where I said, because it's not affirmations and because I know the subconscious mind, if I were to say I love myself and my subconscious mind is like, well, you do in most areas, but in this area, because that's the inner inner inner critic or who was it? It was a amazing woman. At her podcast party for Communication Queens, Natalie. And she has, she has a podcast and I'll link to it below because the title is eluding me at this moment. But it's a it's just a great, authentic conversations of self-expression. And she calls it the itty bitty shitty committee. I was like, that's the best term for it.
Kimberly Spencer (00:16:15) - And so as I was being really honest about myself is as I was drafting out my creed of like how I really like the standards that I want to set for this new level that we're we're leaning into in this next evolution in. And your creed can change does it? You're it can evolve. It can change. It is the standards in which you are requiring of yourself. And when I saw like okay. I, in this moment, am still seeing that itty bitty shitty committee with the like. Yeah, you love yourself in many areas, but in this area there is like this one space. It needs a little bit of extra love that you haven't quite forgiven and all the things. And so I said, okay, well, in writing The Creed, I'm going to back up my belief system to one that I can embody that resonates as truth, that resonates with the same level of truth as me saying my own name. And that level of truth was not I am loving myself. It was I choose to love myself.
Kimberly Spencer (00:17:19) - So you can back it up to the decision that you make. And if that even doesn't resonate, you can back it up one level further, which is the level of actual transformation, which is just willingness. I am willing to choose to love myself. It's not affirming. It is backing up your belief. To the place where your body can resonate, to then guide it into the conscious completion of the choice. So there's a different way in actually forming it so that you're not saying it. And this is a huge thing that I just that I see but and agree but also disagree with in manifestation where they're like act as if and yes, it's acting as if. And it's you also have to look at like, okay, well where am I at with actually feeling in my body that this is actually. As if and if I'm not there yet, then how can I back it up to see? To guide me there. To get there so I don't build the giant brick wall of disbelief and have my subconscious mind just reinforcing the divide.
Kimberly Spencer (00:18:31) - I want to kindly, gently open the drawbridge of possibility so that this new belief system fully can walk through the gates, and that my subconscious mind is like, oh, okay. Oh yeah. Oh, she might be cool. She might be cool. Hanging out in our kingdom. Like we can tolerate this belief of like being willing to choose to fully love herself and like that. That's cool. Like that's okay. 0000, that's just really nice having this person, this belief in, in our kingdom. 000. Okay. And then and it's like that person who kind of walks into your world and then, you know, it's like, oh, this is really nice. And then suddenly they like, just radically turn your world upside down. You're like, oh my gosh, that was that relationship was such a game changer. The same is true with the relationships that we have with our beliefs. And so that's why I like to play with the beliefs of like, okay, you're just gently ushering in a new one and you're willing to drop the drawbridge and actually invite them in to play in your creed of the standards that you're setting for yourself.
Kimberly Spencer (00:19:35) - And you're also just aware that there's, you know, you're feeling it out with your with how your body feels with it. So there is I am there is, I choose to be. And which is the choice because everything starts with the choice. And then there is also I am willing to choose to be, which is backing up that belief to the point where you can actually, like, fully hold it and say like, okay, I'm willing, I'm willing to be in this space. And if you're not willing, then that's okay. You don't have to have certain things and say, okay, I'm I'm, you know, maybe you're not willing. Maybe you really look, feel it out in your body and you're resonating and you're like, no, that one's still not resonating. And so then maybe the the belief is something I, you know, of, I am willing then that's that's where you get to do the deeper work of looking at, okay. Is this actually is this something that I feel is this language really appropriate for me, or is it something that I've been told in the past that I need to have and that that's it's not really serving me? And so this is where your language is so essential in every word, like your word is your wand.
Kimberly Spencer (00:20:45) - And you get to use it to craft and create just absolute magic in your world. You also have to know what you are up against and what you can work through with your subconscious mind, so that you can invite new beliefs in without. Having them have to, like, beat down the castle wall to try to get through. You don't have to have it. There's actually the easier way. You just have to invite it in and be willing. So. I created a creed. I'm not going to read it because it's private. But it's a creed for myself and my standards of what I choose to be. What I am leaning into, who I choose to surround myself with, where I am excited to go. And it is an invitation for that to come into my life, rather than an affirmation that I'm trying to believe that it can. And so I invite you with the creation of your creed, to really take a look at. Is this something you deeply, deeply want to create that your soul is like? Yes, please, please bring this into reality.
Kimberly Spencer (00:22:02) - And then go forth and do it and look at your creed and look at what are the standards, because you get what you tolerate, as Tony Robbins says. And so the Creed sets the new standard of what you will tolerate. So first is embodiment. And then second. Is look at the creed of the standards that you are choosing to set for yourself. And this is not beating yourself up over a standard of perfection. This is looking consciously at what are those standards that you are requiring yourself rise into? To grow, to be better. To improve, to improve that unique skill set, that gift that you were divinely gifted and created with. So let me know what you loved about this episode. Drop me a DM on Instagram at Kimberly Spencer or Crown yourself. Now, I love receiving your messages and truly, deeply engaging with this community. You can also head on over to our Crown Yourself Facebook group and engage with this community over there. I am so honored to serve you and I hope this message deeply resonated with you.
Kimberly Spencer (00:23:15) - It has been my honor to support you in embodying deeper what it is that you desire, and cutting out the stuff that, quite frankly, makes it harder. It's my goal to make this easier for you so that you start creating a body, business and life that frickin rules. And you get to stand in your sovereignty, really claiming the treasure that is your mind and the mental reality and projections that you're creating in this world. As always, my fellow sovereigns, own your throne. Mind your business, because your reign is now. Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you, be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend.
Kimberly Spencer (00:24:01) - Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty. And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration. I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business, and life that rules because today you crown yourself.
