Neal NEO Phalora 00:00:00 I say that shame is is a lost submarine. It is just rotting the depths. The interesting thing is that most people don't think they have it. And we do. You know, the way that I unearth it, I do it through my money conversations. When I do a money meditation with people, and I ask them to think back and I lead them through it exercise, shame, humiliation, guilt, unworthiness. but there is just so much shame in different aspects of that. People understand. Like, this is way deep down here, everything that you're working on, if you're doing life, if you're going after uncomfortable things, it just comes up at the present moment. That's why I love being an entrepreneur, because you want a self-development program and you're going to face all your shit. Start a business.
Kimberly Spencer 00:00:50 Welcome to the Crown Your Self podcast, where together we build your empire and transform your subconscious stories about what's possible for your business, body and life. I'm your host, Kimberly Spencer, founder of Crown Yourself.
Kimberly Spencer 00:01:03 Com and I'm a master mindset coach, bestselling author, TEDx speaker, known to my clients as a game changer. Each week you get the conscious leadership strategies you need to help you reign with courage, clarity, and confidence so that you too, can make the income and impact you deserve. Imagine this podcast as your royal invitation to step into your full potential and reign in your divine purpose. Your sovereignty starts here and your reign is now. Neil, welcome to the Crown Yourself podcast. I am just so honored to have you here, because I know that you and I share a very similar belief system of a desire to raise our families very consciously and conscientiously, to be very intentional with how they are learning. And when did you see the shift that was needed in the education system into more of a world schooling style.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:02:02 Well, thank you for the opportunity to talk about that. I'm really passionate about being a parent. Being a parent wasn't necessarily always in my purview. I think it's a choice that we need to make.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:02:14 When you make that choice and you make a choice to really raise yourself to a different level. I often say that my kids raised me more than I raised them, and making that choice to raise me means that I need to also work on my development. So when I think about educating my kids differently, I think about my education as well, because kids own what they're shown or you can't live your life as a martyr. Tell your kids, be anything you want to be, sweetie, and then subsequently live a life where you're constantly in depravity and complaining all those things. So my switch was really sort of a progression of leaving corporate to doing my own dreams to like saying to my family more holistically, hey, how do we all dream bigger? How do we have more? More experiences rather than more things?
Kimberly Spencer 00:03:08 Are what experiences do you most look forward to and what are you consciously creating and what do you define to be a meaningful experience?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:03:18 So, you know, for me, meaningful experience means that I'm present with what I'm experiencing now.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:03:24 I think so many people when as we get older, we learn to live from the past and people say, oh, well, time gets faster when you get older. I would say, no, it doesn't. I would say we live more from the past and we live from the present moment. So I do find a meaningful experience any time that I can really be completely in the moment, be a relationship with whatever, whomever or whatever is in front of me, right? And so I've had weekends at home for like a week, and it doesn't have to be abroad, you know. But if we're going to talk about meaningful experiences that are really are travel based, I would say anything that allows me to bring back something that I previously did at home.
Kimberly Spencer 00:04:08 Like a lesson, a belief system, a food, a recipe. What have been your favorite things that you have brought back from other cultures?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:04:17 Yeah. So I you know, before we jumped on here, we were talking a little bit about shopping.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:04:22 I do enjoy, you know, for I do enjoy shopping. I always like, like looking at like styles that are unique or fabulous, unique that we don't have here in the States. You know, shoes, sneakers or sometimes my favorite to do. But I'll look for anything that like is has a jacket assure that something that is different because I love the ability to like. I do think that, however, does represent ourselves externally, can have a big influence on how we feel about ourselves. Right? So it's something that shifts me like that. I would say food is a huge thing. Like, that's the big thing that I emphasize to my kids too, is like, they don't get to be picky. My kids aren't picky eaters. I'm like, look, you guys got to travel the world. I'm not going to raise you so that your chicken fingers and mac and cheese everywhere we go, it's like, you got to freakin be in the culture, eat the people's food, not just go to local areas.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:05:13 But often what I'll tell people is like, like, yo, where is the like places that the locals eat, right? Take me there. Take me to that place where where people eat the local food that everybody goes to. yeah. That food is so emotional, so called for all. That's a big part of experiencing.
Kimberly Spencer 00:05:32 My husband has the same desire anytime or anywhere we travel. He's like, I want to eat with the locals. He like he is. He is a diehard foodie and he loves bringing back recipes. And when we went to Italy for our honeymoon, he we stopped on the way back at New York at our friend's house and they had two two twins, five years old. And our friends were like, oh, they won't eat that like they their traditional American diet. And my husband made this like tomato sauce, like a pinata. He made a pinata that he found the recipe from when we stayed there in Italy. And the kids ate it up like crazy. And they're like, this is so good.
Kimberly Spencer 00:06:15 And I think that there is so much value in training a child's tastebuds, in allowing them to know that it's not this one thing, but it's that exposure to multiple different avenues and like, yeah, my kids like hamburgers and French fries, but they also will eat many other things like steak. Night is my son's favorite things. This is my like you, all's fair well when we go to Argentina. So being able to open up that cultural palate because it is like tasting the soul of a culture in a way. Yeah.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:06:52 Yeah. Well said.
Kimberly Spencer 00:06:54 Now you're an incredibly successful speaker and coach. When you started your journey, how did you build up that level of confidence to be able to do what you do now?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:07:05 That's a really good question, you know. I don't think there is a I know people talk a lot about confidence and getting confidence. I don't think there is one cliff that you jump off of that you somehow parachute into confidence. I really think it's a series of just doing really uncomfortable things and developing the journey along the way.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:07:28 For me, it was like, okay, I was in one job and I was like, I want to be part of sales. But they didn't see me in that role. But I got to be a trader present in front of investors. And as I got out in front of that, I was like, I want a bigger, different role. So that I took this really amazing business development role that allowed me to travel all over the place. And as I traveled all over the place, I was like, wow, I'm not only helping like these multimillion dollar business deals internationally, but I'm ending up coaching a lot of these C-suite people because guess what? They have the same problems as anybody else. In some ways, worse because they can't tell anybody about them. And as I was doing that, I saw opportunities to get on stage. I just something just came over me. I'm like, oh, there's a there's a local kind of TEDx talk that I ended up being a board member of.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:08:17 And they're like, I was like, I want to be a part of that. I saw a video. I saw probably 10s like, where is it? And I just put my everything into it. I practice for hundreds of hours, and when I did the audition, they're like, whoa, like you came to play, right? But it's leading forward with that sense of purpose and passion. But if I really think about it, like concretely, if somebody's listening to this, like, how do I do? I've just put myself in repeatedly, put myself in places where I didn't feel like I belonged. Only to find out parts of me that were reflected through other people and through other events and circumstances.
Kimberly Spencer 00:08:56 I think that's such a testament to the power of of growth and perception. And so often we can perceive and put people on pedestals like the CEOs of multi-million dollar, multi-billion dollar companies and think, oh, they have no problems. Look at how much money they have or whatever story we want to correlate to that.
Kimberly Spencer 00:09:14 They must not have problems, know their problems are probably bigger and far more expensive problems that you would shudder at if you truly were in their shoes, and the ability to just look at the perception and navigate being in those rooms. What did you say to yourself? How did you approach that space of, in a way, being a beginner and still being an expert in your craft?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:09:41 I really think that vulnerability is a permission slip. It really is. You know, there's the hairdresser effect, right? Or the trainer effect. You know, people in those positions say that everybody tells them everything, right? They just they let all their secrets go. And I do believe in those instances, even if you feel like, well, maybe I don't measure up or I don't, I can't play here or do the things that you can do is be the person who leads with a little bit of vulnerability. And I'm not asking people to air their dirty laundry, but it came simply by saying, you know what? I have kids at home or this is this is the vacation that I took.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:10:18 it's engaging people in a emotional construct, right? That enrolls them. Too many people when they're doing business, they're playing the sales game instead of playing the enrollment game. And what I would do is I would find out little things, ask questions, and then just keep enrolling people in a vision of our friendship and a version of their own life and leading with that. I think the other thing is, is that this really valuable is that anybody can add value to anybody else's life to have to be targeted. And how you add that value, right. And just asking people simple questions that you may or may not have influence over, but you're like, look, you know, how can I help you in this area? Is there some way that I can add value? You know, even if this is not even if this is not my job, it's some way I can take stress off your plate. This is showing up more human. But also, I think too often in those kinds of conversations, people are like, well, if I'm going to be equal, I've somehow got to be the same as that.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:11:18 They're not looking for that. They're looking for somebody who can add value at their life at some level. And I guarantee you, it's not that hard of a stretch to figure out how to add value to anybody.
Kimberly Spencer 00:11:29 I co-host these, round tables with my friend Megan Canter, who's the CEO of the Dames. And one of the things that we requested the people joining the women joining because it's for six, seven and eight figure your business woman is to make an ask. And what I've seen consistently is it's so many women. More so I can't say because I'm from the men's perspective, but I'd love to hear from from what you see that they aren't clear on how someone else could add value to their life, on how they could actually even ask for something that would be in a support space, because maybe that's their ego getting in the way. Maybe it's, you know, societal conditioning of like not asking for what you want. But I continuously see with that. Like, yes, I agree with you 100% that there's always a way that you can add value to someone's life.
Kimberly Spencer 00:12:24 Even one of my clients years ago when I was teaching Pilates, said that sometimes even just a smile, like just just smiling and being a kind person can add value to someone's life. But when it comes down to making those requests or, you know, making those offers to add value. What have you seen hold people back from really being able to share where they're needing a little bit of support?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:12:49 Yeah. This is such a great question. we didn't talk about this as a perfect segue for something I talk about a lot. I one of the things I work with people a lot is their hands are full of a path so that they can't receive anything new. People fundamentally need an identity shift. And that's something that I go really deep with people. That's where we're that's where we're all sitting. And that's not the case when we're children or children, we we naturally want and ask and receive a tremendous amount of help, a tremendous amount of of, you know, we lean into our, our needs and our desires.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:13:23 But as adults, we lean out of that. And I fundamentally believe that we're so out of the practice of having somebody help us because we have this lone wolf syndrome in our society where we just say, we've got to do it all on our own. So when you when you help somebody, you got to use way more your intuition to just offer up something. If you just say to somebody, how can I help you? Most people are going to say, I'm good, but it has to be something very closed ended that says, that, says the person. Would it be valuable if I did X, Y, or Z? Can I come over? It's almost you have to think about people. Almost like when somebody's sick and hurting bad, right? You can't say to them if somebody's really feeling ill, hey, do you need anything? They're just going to say, no, leave me alone. Those people in those areas of that same sort of thing, it almost has to be to the level of, look, you know, I'm going to come to your office, I'm going to pick you up, I'm taking you out for lunch.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:14:19 You know, I'm going to whatever you're going to do, it's it's more of a we're too nice in the society. Right. The other thing I'd like to dogpile on to this is a simple experiment that anybody can do if they're listening. To understand the problem with receiving, try to give somebody a comment, do this for two weeks and go around and give adults a compliment. You'll find that I call it the shun approach. Its essence is rejection, deflection, and qualification. Right? It's like, oh wow, that that's an amazing top you have on. Oh, you know, it's been sitting in my closet. I thought I should wear it sometime. Right. And I'm like, really? Oh so we have to understand that how we do anything is how we do everything. And if somebody can't just take a simple compliment, what do you think the chances are that when you offer somebody to help somebody that they're going to take you up.
Kimberly Spencer 00:15:14 Yeah. So often especially for women I have seen and this was, this took me years of deprogramming to just be able to learn how to receive and just say thank you and say thank you I appreciate you thank you for noticing versus the deflection or the because I think a lot of people in society, we just get validation from being in cold misery.
Kimberly Spencer 00:15:37 So we commiserate together and it's like, oh yeah, but I still need to lose £5 or oh, and then so then you get validation. I call them the three Trojan horses of that really prevent us from growth, which is safety or familiarity control and then that commiserate where we get to get validation for some being where we're at. And so that struggle to receive, like, I love the experiment of going around and giving people compliments. And then also because perception is projection, being able to feel like how do you feel when they do that? Like, do you just lean in and hold space, or do you kind of give in to their acquiescence of, you know, deflection or rejection of whatever it is that you complimented them on?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:16:26 Perception is, is yeah, that's his projection. That's really good. You know, that that delves into something that also I'm personally close to this whole idea of. So the neuroscience of the neuro spiritual that I work with people on. Right. And what I find is, is that most people think about their mind.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:16:43 If we think if we tell people, you know, where is your mind? People will point to their head. But if you're not dealing with a mind that's below the neck, you're missing on 80% of your minds that you're missing on 80% of your potential. And so to this day, when I tell people that people shake their heads knowing better and doing better to different things. But you have to think, by the time we're 30 years old, 95% of how we're going to react. React is a free program. And most of that is I feel something and my brain senses something. And as a result of that, and that comes from your mind, emotions are what happens. 90s after hormones released. Emotions are the stories of those feelings over time. And those are we feel. We feel, we experience with our body, right? We think with our brain, but we experience with our body. And if you're not tapping into that portion of your mindset for you as a leader, and when you do business, you're missing out on a huge potential of your success as the filmmaker.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:17:44 Why?
Kimberly Spencer 00:17:45 So true. Yes, the body gives so many signals and it's so much wiser. In fact, the gut sends 80%, which comes out as soon as you said 80%. You're missing out on 80% of your body. I was like, the gut actually sends 80% more signals to the brain than the brain does to the gut in the vagus nerve nervous system from your gut. So being able to trust your gut, which many people consider intuition, how do we discover and unlock those natural, intuitive gifts that we already have?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:18:23 I love this question. So, you know, in my own framework I talk to people all about is like, I have it. I have this download all day about wealth consciousness, how to set it up like the 12 chakras of the body. The bottom tier at a root chakra is fear, scarcity, struggle. And we get to hustle and we call that Kimberly. We call that successful and I call bullshit. I hope it's okay to cast in your show, but I call bullshit because that's not successful.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:18:49 Beyond that, then we should elevate to, alignment. Alignment gets us into action. And as those two play with each other, we then move up into intuition, which elevates us to authenticity, which by the spane study of 25,000 people, is the highest vibration a human being has. And that elevates us into wealth. But more what most people feel is intuition is just a rote response of a lot of fight or flight, which we're in a lot. But you have to play in alignment and action and intuition. I the best version of I can give you intuition is like a gentle, uncomfortable notch. It is not a lightning bolt. It is not a, you know, burning bush in front of you. It is in your quiet moment when your body is still in calm. It's like, oh, okay. It's a very divine feminine. That that intuition, in fact, that portion of the brain that's responsible for intuition is much larger than females. Go figure. But for you women listening, you are much better at sales than men, because you can use your intuition more and your sense of emotions.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:19:59 In fact, I was at a garyvee conference. He said it. He said he said it. Science will show God is the first brain. And then I saw a panel of five women. They probably had a billion and a half dollars of net worth. And I asked the question, so what can men here learn from you women as successful business people? They said that we we learn to feel our emotions. We teach our daughters that. And we have trusted our intuition.
Kimberly Spencer 00:20:25 So powerful. And I think I love what you said about how women are better at sales, because there was something I was listening to. Layla Moses show just the other day on my walk, and she said an interesting fact that 68% of people who buy from a space of scarcity or urgency, which is, you know, in the past with sales has been really promoted, like you've got to add urgency to the offer and, you know, you have to make it through Paris and, you know, go, go, go.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:20:53 Go get them thrown. Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 00:20:56 It's the bro marketing approach. And yet 68% of people who buy based on scarcity actually, resent their decision. They regret it. And I think as women, when we can and I look back on every single sale I've made, for a high ticket offer and the ones that allowed for space and the space of trusting that allowing my, the the person that I'm in conversation with the prospect, as people would say, in traditional sales, allowing that person to just and trusting that they understand their own time. And yes, looking at the objections and yes, looking at what's coming from fear and scarcity on their part, and yes, being able to have that conversation to hold them to that standard as far as like what it is that they say that they want. And if you really believe that you can serve them at that level, but also then giving them the space to say, okay, yeah, like there are certain scarcity pieces that I don't think it has to be this hard and fast, like scarcity deadline, limited release thing.
Kimberly Spencer 00:22:03 Because every time I look at past purchases that I've made, I'm like, yeah, I'm part of that 68% that like, it's like, oh, I don't really like that as much as I thought I did. I have a rule now that I don't purchase anything after 11:00 at night.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:22:18 Not a thing. So we know what Kimberly's doing at night.
Kimberly Spencer 00:22:22 But that was in the past when I set that role, two years ago, after I was like, oh, I bought another course on something that I probably already know a lot about. And as I was going through the course, I was like, hey, that that wasn't intuition talking. That was totally my fear.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:22:39 It is fear. I love this topic. And as a love strategist and coaching people and finding, you know, how to easily and magnetically attract wealthy relationships and have a mixed level of wealth in their life. One of the things that I love to talk to about people about is, muddy EQ, right, muddy emotional quotient.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:22:59 Right? Because so many people, I don't know why they separate how I buy things as separate from how I sell things. I'm like, no, how you buy things is exactly how you sell things. If you want to get better at selling, look into your buying. And I understand your buying and I have a multi emotional quotient. But at the bottom of it it starts as impulse right. And then there's comparison and then there's optics, which is about being rich, which is the lowest form of money. Right. And as we move up, we get into we switch out a perception into perspective. Right. And we we work our way up to revenue, which is more of a need that's above rich. And then we finally at the top of that get to fulfillment, which is wealth or desire. And as you go up this ladder, you increase from instant gratification to what I call extended gratification, right? So we're moving up from from rich, which is optics to need, which is which is more revenue based, asset based kinds of purchases, which can be even a logo or office or team member into really wealth, which is the top tier, which is fulfillment.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:24:07 But that's done from desire. But even this idea of desire is misconstrued. And I talk about the desire needs to have four elements. It needs to have earth, grounded, air, spiritual or elevated right. It needs to have a water component, which is sensible sensory or somatic, and it needs to have a fire component which is transformational. And for a desire to be valid, right. Which is different than a war, it needs at least three of those. And just like you said, you know, I have these beats headphones here on my desk and I've bought them because you know what? I love how crispy white they are. I love the sponginess of this. And I honestly just keep it out here because I don't even use these that much. But I love how they look and feel and I like looking at them. That's extended gratification. So it's not I don't want to be really careful with this. It's not what you're buying, it's how you're buying it. I never put it like you want to dive into aerators, buy them, but know how you're buying them.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:25:05 And if you curate your buying process, your sales process will look much different.
Kimberly Spencer 00:25:11 I absolutely love and agree with that. And I'm literally thinking because I it's so time appropriate because I just came back from shopping with my mom for a dress, and I was looking at a dress and I, while I was, had the mission for the dress. And I realized that, you know, certain sizes weren't kidding me. And I had to surrender, you know, the form in which I thought, oh, this is that's an old form of who I have been, and I'm going to embrace this new form. Blended the perfect one. And it was amazing. But I found this coat and I've wanted this, like type of coat and I it's so fluffy. And I was like, oh. And it matched my shirt that I'm already wearing. And it just it felt so good. And I've had this coat on my vision board for the past, like while or not on my vision board, but on my Pinterest board.
Kimberly Spencer 00:26:04 And I saw it and I was like, that's a desire. And it's just it's like a badass, amazing coat that is very me. And my mom goes, oh, don't get something else that's fluffy. And I was like, oh, this is so this is it felt like such an authentic expression. And intuitively I'm like, it's summer in Texas. I don't need a a coat like this. But I looked at future casting. I'd be like, oh, I'm going to be traveling to New York and October and Denver and to some colder places later on this year, and I'm really looking forward to feeling really fabulous and amusing in this really beautiful, warm coat. And as you said, those four principles, I'm like, yeah, it hit all of those that had the fire. It had the grounding effect of like like I felt it in my body. It just everything got my sacral chakra up, lit up, and I was like, this is an expression of like full, authentic self-expression that in the past I may have said, oh, that's a little too much like it's, it's it's a big it's a really fluffy like bright that's but I'm like, no, I'm embracing that.
Kimberly Spencer 00:27:08 And I think that that's something that, you know, there's, there's a part of being a good steward with your money. And there's also looking at like, I was sharing with my mom one of the stories that that Barbara Corcoran has said about how the first purchase that she bought with her first paycheck in sales was like a Chanel jacket. And she said the way that jacket just allowed her to feel and embody at a new level, it changed how she showed up in every area of her life. And so there is this concept in manifestation of acting as if and I think a lot of people misconstrue it. I know I have in the past, and it's the acting as if it was like, oh, if you are expecting to be a millionaire multimillionaire, you should go buy the jacket, buy the things. And is that all ultimately always true? Because so often then what I see people do is they end up buying from impulse versus that intuitive intuition of like, yes, this is the one piece that you can go get.
Kimberly Spencer 00:28:05 You don't have to go on a shopping spree of like the bajillion dollars that you don't have and put it all on a credit card, that you then put yourself into a place of constraint and like, oh my God, I have to make sales in my business. So how do we discern how to act as if in the space of that's not impulsive.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:28:25 In.
Kimberly Spencer 00:28:26 The body?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:28:27 Yeah. You know, in the place that you're talking about where most people buy from is either judgment, they're buying from judgment. Right. Or rather, comparison, which is judgment does go hand in hand. Or they're buying mostly through for optics and optics. What I, what I say the optics are and how I differentiated it is optics. Marketing works based on optics. You see an ad over and over again. I love people who tell me that they're not influenced by the things they watch or do. Makes me laugh. Like, have you seen the ad? You know why people pay half $1 million for 30s during the Super Bowl? but it is something that gets into our head, either through marketing or family or a notion that we've had, and we can't let it go.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:29:14 And we We've we we get grow attached to this. It is a pattern we don't understand. It is a mental emotional neurological pattern. And we keep reinforcing it by how we're thinking, obsessing about it. And then we get it so that we can think that this makes us something when we get it right. It's not the same as comparison because we're doing this because and that's what you see people do is like, if I buy these areas of of Jordans, if I have this watch, then I'll be. The thing is, is that our goals are backwards because we buy things and then we say we buy it X so that we can feel Y should never be chasing goals, which you should always be chasing feelings and experience. So when you buy for experiences, especially an experience that is not instant but but is extended, then you're buying in a completely different and different vein. And I completely agree with you. There are some things that if you're going to be a realtor, you got to buy a nice car.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:30:15 You can't show up because you're going to show up. And with your clients, you can't show up at a jalopy, right? Or something. That's a rust bucket. You're not going to say that you have your stuff together. If if you have a situation where it's like, you know what, I have got to fit in because I'm going to these business networking events and people are dressed up in a suit as an investment, and you need that sort of thing. And so understanding that I can do the easiest exercise I can give people is when I now shop, like if I'm shopping not online, but I'm going to the store like I go to Nordstrom or stuff like that, I will put everything I want into a bag or a basket wherever, and I will not limit myself on anything I don't. I push it around, I keep it with me. I completely own it internally. I mean, I own it, I own it on it. I look at it and then I'll walk around with a complete sense of ownership.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:31:11 And then once I'm done, I'll take a look at those things and I'll tell you, I ended up putting back, most of the time, 99%, sometimes 100%, because I have had just the experience of owning it long enough that it it got past that need of like it was impulse, right? Or it was a low level wand, but it really wasn't a desire. And so allow yourself to own it. Like I guess I could enjoy right now. I could invest in some kind of exotic car that I want. I went and test for those and you know, I loved it. And I let yourself feel the desires go out and shot for it, because part of owning something is the before, the during and the after. And if it's only going to be if it's only going to be during, that is too short lived. And that's where most people when they shop, shop for.
Kimberly Spencer 00:31:59 Me, I love that the difference because with the amount of consumerism that we have, especially in this country and like we're so conditioned Condition to consume, and it's so easy to want what we want and get what we want immediately.
Kimberly Spencer 00:32:15 With the press of a button. And suddenly an Amazon truck shows up the next day, or like four hours at your door. And it's so easy that sometimes we lose a reverence for ownership and for the speed in which we can receive. Do you think that our struggle with receivership is in any way correlated to this ability to now receive at the speed of light? Pretty much.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:32:46 I would say that it is taken away from the experience of receiving in a way that does not work for us. Well, yes, it makes us want more and more quickly. But that kind of receivership is like cheap dopamine. It is, it is, it is, it is a kind of hit at addictive drug at all. The kind of hit that takes away from the long term enjoyment of many of the things that we have. I mean, we I'm like anybody else. I shop on Amazon. We get so many things there. I'll order something at 10 a.m. and Kimberly at 230, the fucking 230 the afternoon that thing shows up on my doorstep, I'm like, what the hell? I'm like, seriously, this is insane.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:33:33 And yes, it feels advantageous, but I'm not talking about delaying the gratification. I want to amend that. You've heard me say this, talking about extending the gratification, right? And this this is the way in which I see this is all of our 3D behaviors in the mirror. For the five behaviors. You want to have more enjoyment in your life, you have to hold on to those moments in your life, like hearing a beautiful note on a saxophone. You want everybody's listening to song, and there's that part where you just love the octave changes, or something can be changed and you can just listen to that or wait that part over and over. Enjoying that for longer and deeper has tremendous benefits on our life expectancy, on our emotional welfare, or our overall enjoyment of life. If you, Tom Delay, use that kneecap, kneecap for me. And he said, if you don't live life from fulfillment, you will implode. Life is a game of neuroscience. And after I got my 400 millimeter, all of my problems were still there.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:34:33 And that's why people implode when they get rich. Money isn't the issue. The issue is they're not playing the long game of actually living their life.
Kimberly Spencer 00:34:43 What does fulfillment mean to you now?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:34:46 I would say fulfillment is fundamentally, living a life of no regrets and living a life from from deeply set on creating unique and relationship experiences like I am most fulfilled when I'm sitting and creating impact with other people. What I am talking about desires. When I'm helping people like let things go, when I'm creating an opportunity to have something more that was previously perceived. And I've done it with a barista and line for a coffee shop, I've done it in a boardroom. I have cried with people on airplanes. I have been invited back to people's houses after talking to them and over the city I was traveling in because he said, I want you to come tell my kid what you told me. I have ridden around in a taxicab for two hours. The guy from Kenya was seven feet tall. After working on his life, he picked me up like a ragdoll and hugged me and said thank you.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:35:45 And I left with my fist in the air. I just closed who knows how many hundred thousand dollars in business that that moment there was the most important moment in my day. Not the damn. Say it.
Kimberly Spencer 00:35:57 Yeah, you're just making me reflect on this. This past. Yesterday was a huge day for us, and my company is. And like, I was super excited with just a level of conversation that we had. And there was a moment that I had my son, one of my sons, lying on my shoulder, and then the other one was just laughing hysterically. And it was I was like, that moment like that. I'm just being able to be fully present and feel aligned with business and life, because I don't believe they don't believe in balance. I think they all, they all harmoniously interplay together, especially when you have two youngins like they they all harmoniously. But most people get out of into disharmony. I've seen when they are trying to put keep everything in these boxes, rather than allowing for that openness of caring.
Kimberly Spencer 00:36:56 And I'm curious because in life as humans, people get hurt and sometimes they wall up their heart. Has that ever happened to you? Because you have such a deep level of care for humanity and for humans and like the experiences? And how did you start breaking the cracks of that wall and cracking through so that you can live open heartedly with the level of care that you have today?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:37:22 I want to first to touch on briefly, you talked about balance and that's such I think, I, I hope that if somebody is watching, listening or watching that I hear this and I'll just tell you my version of balance is very succinct. First of all, there is none. That's absolutely, again, a farce. Secondly, your goal, if you can think about a pendulum, it just doesn't swing back or forth. It swings in every direction. It swings completely upside down and swings in every direction. Your goal as a human being is to be able to let it swing, to whatever degree you need to be that version of you, and to experience all of it as deep sadness, as deep grief.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:38:01 It's total father. It's businessperson, it's erotic partner. It's whatever you need it to be. That is balance, being able. And most people's pendulum only swings at a few directions. But when you talked about you are trying to get me cry on this podcast, Will, you talked about walling up your heart. what I would say is that universally, this is the longest road that we have to travel. We are born in an energetic center where we start out in make believe and should become belief maker. What is adults? Things happen. We try to until the bad and we end up unfeeling. Everything. And we adopt Human Operating system 2.0 which says shit happens and you die. And that's a really, really unfortunate place to live. That I would say the vast majority of us are there, and most of the time, being able to get into your heart center is the most biggest complaint. Now, people might not say it like that. If you're not like some weirdo. Like Kimberly and I, where we do all the spiritual work, we try to get the heart center and we go all these places, then you're probably not seeing that, per se.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:39:12 But even in those places, people are like, I don't know how to get into my heart center. And being walled off, allowing yourself to keep walled off from the things because you're trying to protect yourself. So let me just give you a refrain. Beliefs are levitating, they're protected, and you can start to get into your heart center once you start to develop a different relationship. Because these beliefs, what has happened is that maybe you had a mother that was not available and you said, you know what? It's better not to need a mother figure. It's better not to receive love because you get hurt. And that belief is there to to protect you, not limit you. So now what you do is you treat these beliefs as your children and you do a process of inquiry. You say, why are you here? What are you protecting me from? What do you want me to know? And then you answer it. You say thank you. Thank you. You have worked so hard, man.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:40:15 You are just such an incredible rock. I see that you've done your. You've done the work to try to protect me. Because these are little parts, these little Kimberley's, these are little meals. They're mental, emotional constructs. And then you be the main adult personality. You develop yourself and you take the here and go what? Baby boy, baby girl I know, I know, being loved by other people's harm. But guess what? I'm going to take your hand. I have left you. That's why you keep coming back. That's what happens, as we know, my own forehead or my. Or all those things being disembodied. We need to be embodied or in the body. You take that little person and you say, we're going to jump off this cliff and be loved. And it's, I know that you keep coming back because. Because I can't leave you. I am not going to leave you again. And you do that process until you integrate that, limiting that, protecting belief under you as the adult in the relationship, you need to be the the parent that you always needed.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:41:12 That is our main journey on this rock.
Kimberly Spencer 00:41:17 I think back to, my bulimia days when I reprogrammed before I knew anything about how to reprogram the mind, and I just, I just based everything off of feeling and kind of feeling into how I reprogram my mindset. In two years, after an eight year battle with no psychological or medical intervention from a deadly disorder, and it was a disorder, an anger with my body. And it was exactly that. Every time and every time I think of like all the training and all the the learning like, oh, there was a process to it, but I already knew intuitively like how to do that because it and it comes from love. You can't change from that space of like fighting the limiting belief. And when I look back on how I sped up that healing to be so fast, I stopped punishing myself further for a purge or an experience that, you know, indulging in chocolate or whatever. And I stopped punishing myself and I started asking the questions.
Kimberly Spencer 00:42:27 And I think it really just comes with being curious. And I've seen that strategy play out into parenting, where being able to just sit with an emotionally fraught child because the pen dropped on the floor and oh my gosh, that's like the worst thing that happened in the world. And being able to just sit with that and be, you know, hold space and say, I see you, I love you. It seems like you're really upset and just acknowledging that. I think the beliefs that protect us just like our own selves, like we every single human desires to be acknowledged so that that also plays into the parts of us which I think your strategy of just being able to acknowledge each piece for being there and for the good that it's done in your life thus far. And when it comes to that integration, what was the toughest one that you had to integrate for yourself?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:43:19 Well, without a doubt. I mean, everybody has to integrate. It's it's shame. I say that shame is is a lost submarine.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:43:27 It is just running the depths. You know, I do the stuff. You know, I don't. I'm. The work is never done. I have a body that is in a unique stage. I've recovered from chronic illness myself. You know, coming from a house that was very abusive emotionally, physically, I don't have a lot of keep score, but it is that level of shaving. And the the interesting thing is that most people don't think they have it. And we do, You know, the way that I unearthed it is, is sort of. It's sneaky, but I do it through my money conversations when I do a money meditation with people, and I ask them to think back and I lead them through it exercise, shame, humiliation, guilt, unworthiness. but there is just so much shame in different aspects of that. People understand, like, well, this is this is way deep down here. And don't get me wrong, I'm not I'm not a therapist, and I'm also not somebody who is going to sit and on the earth.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:44:27 I do want to know maybe some of the more significant things, but I fundamentally believe that everything that you're working on, if you're doing life, if you're going after uncomfortable things, it just comes up at the present moment. That's why I love being an entrepreneur is you want a self-development program, you're going to face all your shit, start a business.
Kimberly Spencer 00:44:46 Or have a child.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:44:48 Yes. Both. Both. Those are like the biggest self-development programs on Earth.
Kimberly Spencer 00:44:54 Yeah, you will.
Kimberly Spencer 00:44:54 Be faced with every single thing. And I live by a very simple principle that that which is conscious manifest happily, and that which is unconscious manifests unhappily. And so anytime something unhappy happens in my business, or with my kids or with my life, I look at how did I create these circumstances, taking such radical responsibility, and then be able to see where's the belief that I get to unearth that is protecting me?
Kimberly Spencer 00:45:23 Wow.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:45:24 Amazing. I love.
Kimberly Spencer 00:45:25 That.
Kimberly Spencer 00:45:26 When it comes to shame, because that's the biggest blocker for money.
Kimberly Spencer 00:45:29 I've found the process of unearthing shame. Is it just forgiveness? Is it just that simple?
Neal NEO Phalora 00:45:38 It's never usually one thing. That's why when we go through, you know, shames cousin is is guilt, right. So guilt is I. I did something bad. Shame is I am bad, right? That's why shame is has. There is so much weight on it. It's never.
Kimberly Spencer 00:45:55 Just.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:45:56 One thing about just forgiveness. I really feel like most of it is getting aware of it and just having the awareness to feel it and allow it just to come up, just acknowledging that it's there. I, you know, anybody who's listening now think about like when your friends are down in their craft, they don't want you to solve it or fix it or Band-Aid it or give them a damn book or send them a therapist, whatever else. What do they want? They just want you to freaking be there and hold space.
Kimberly Spencer 00:46:29 Listen.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:46:31 So this work doesn't have to be, like, complicated. There are many things that you can do that are deeper levels.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:46:36 Shame. I've done those with people, especially grief. Grief is another huge, huge, big topic that nobody approaches because a lot of business owners are in grief. They don't know it.
Kimberly Spencer 00:46:45 I agree with that 100%.
Kimberly Spencer 00:46:47 Having.
Kimberly Spencer 00:46:48 Having been in grief the past, I would say the past year. Yeah, I saw that regularly come up.
Kimberly Spencer 00:46:56 So I.
Kimberly Spencer 00:46:57 When you say that they don't know it, what are the signs that you know that you see in a business owner that they have grief, but it's unacknowledged.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:47:06 Out of stock? Most people who say I'm stuck are really saying I'm in grief. If they've been stuck a long time. I'm not talking about like, you can't figure out your copy for your ad I'm talking about. I felt stuck for a really long time. That's that's code language for there's a level of grief and and again, another narrative in our society that we handle so poorly. Go to a funeral, see how many people just awkwardly say sorry for the loss. Sorry for your loss.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:47:32 I'm sorry for your loss. Right. We don't know what which is called for. I don't know how to handle this, so let me just awkwardly say something and move away. But it is fundamentally having the temperament for the temporary. My kid was young, he's older. I had this business opportunity, now I don't I was once an athlete, now I have to sell insurance. Right. It is anything that was was they moving into a new version of that? If they've had some way to let it go, why did Tom Brady implode at the end? There wasn't it wasn't Giselle and all the other things. It was a fact that who the fuck was he going to be if he wasn't playing football and winning another Super Bowl? That is. And I don't envy him for that. That is a huge, huge identity. You know how you get it's not bro culture. There is. There is a time and a place. Divine masculinity is powerful and it should be used. But just just just saying just do it, just get it and done the freaking careful it it doesn't work that way.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:48:27 That kind of stuff isn't working for 99% of people. It's not.
Kimberly Spencer 00:48:31 Yeah, yeah. Hustling through it and just, you know, grating your teeth and burying it. Or is my, my husband and his father used to say just rub some dirt in it. It's like, that's not it's not working for humanity. I think we can see that. I think especially over the past few years, I think there is a collective shadow of grief that is completely unacknowledged in humanity, based off of the past few years experience.
Kimberly Spencer 00:48:56 Wow.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:48:56 That is that is one that wrote the internet today. What you just said.
Kimberly Spencer 00:49:00 Yeah.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:49:01 I would 1,000% agree with that. And so yeah, we're we're getting deep into one of my into my life's vision. But it's to decrease violence on Earth. It's to decrease the violence with that. Right. And people are not reacting in traffic and all those things because they're just upset. They have no way to understand how to read through the things they need to grieve through.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:49:23 Right. And when we have something like Covid happened and all the anxiety, we need each other and we're now more disconnected than any time in human history. And every generation says the next generation is going to have a basket. That's also.
Kimberly Spencer 00:49:38 Incorrect.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:49:39 But I will say this generation that has their unfair share of anxiety and grief like no generation before.
Kimberly Spencer 00:49:47 Yeah.
Kimberly Spencer 00:49:49 How do you process your own grief.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:49:51 So I had a coaching client who.
Kimberly Spencer 00:49:54 Lost.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:49:55 Six people in five years. In fact since he was six years old she's either had a or relative die every year. So she was at a tremendous amount of grief. And this is how I coach I coach very strategically. I'm an auditor. I'm a strategic that I'm very individualized in my approach. And on that call, which thankfully I recorded, I wrote her a grief process. I said, here's what I want you to do. And ironically, it was somewhat the process of the protecting the Leafs, what was basically writing a letter of tribute to our grief to to the thing that we didn't feel.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:50:33 creating a shrine, you know, some of some memorabilia and going through that process multiple times and then releasing it. right. This physically releasing it. And I'm not telling it here because it's a little more involved than just doing the process right. I have to coach people through it. But after she had four or so years of not making anything, we touched for six months, and on the ninth month she made her first 15 K. It's not about the money, but she also had things in her body that heal. I'm not a health coach. For the lawyers listening. I'm not saying that I'm doing anything helpful here, but I do know that our relationship to those kinds of things. Speaking from personal experience, there's a tremendous amount of healing that can occur, but we have to acknowledge it, release it, pay tribute to it. And yeah, yeah, she's become a lifelong friend because of that.
Kimberly Spencer 00:51:30 And the work that you do is so powerful. And I just want to acknowledge you and thank you for being such a light in the world, Neil.
Kimberly Spencer 00:51:39 And just bringing so much hope and also process defying it. I appreciate that as a as a Virgo.
Kimberly Spencer 00:51:48 So nice.
Kimberly Spencer 00:51:50 Received the grief. I mean, for me, what I experience because I experience a a lot of grief and transformation and transition within just the span of two years of losing three family members and two family friends in one year, and then moving twice and having a baby and still having a business, and that was it was a big couple of years, let me just say, and I want to say for everyone listening, I did the Neil's recommendation of writing a tribute. And for me, it wasn't the hardest stage of grief to get through with my own anger, because it was something that I was constantly shamed for as a child, and that being able to write a tribute to my anger and honoring that anger as a piece of the grieving process as a part of, you know, that was righteous within me. And that allowed for, for, you know, just to give space for that and not judge it for being anything more than what it was, was probably one of the most tremendous healing pieces to my own grief journey last year that I have ever done.
Kimberly Spencer 00:53:02 And so for those grieving.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:53:05 I hope your listeners are hearing something brilliant that you said there that that I kind of left out of the process. But I'd like to revisit. Is that what I set up for her? And what we all need is, is some visualization. I can't even tell you because of the age of information, we have gotten completely away from ritual. And ritual for us as human beings has tremendous spiritual and emotional value. There is nothing greater that you can do in the grief process than develop some kind of ritual that you can revisit to keep experiencing and then keep moving the grief forward.
Kimberly Spencer 00:53:41 I love that you touched on ritual because I think that ritual and reverence are two things that we have significantly lost and in our culture today. And I completely agree that like I'm currently reading, Dangerous Mystic about the life of Meister Eckhart. And you know, he's describing the the author is describing the medieval times. And, you know, everyone thought, you know, medieval is horrible. And it actually, you know, people just were still people.
Kimberly Spencer 00:54:06 They had still had kids, they still, you know, had problems. They still had lives to live. They still felt feelings to these, these perceptions of the some past being either greater or or less than than where we are now. It's it's I think that that plays a lot into grief, because grief can sometimes in some ways memorialize people in a way that is not actually accurate as to your own experience. And when my father passed in 2021, that was probably the greatest trend, one of the greatest initiations that I was able to experience of feeling the soul leave and be free, and that also recognizing that the past of who he had been as an addict and as just the struggles that he had had as a human being, were gone and the revisitation to his grave. And I was like, I'm never going to go there again, because that space was his humanity. And I felt literally like something was choking me at that space. And being able to navigate the dynamics of grief and the different spaces and areas, because there's a great, and I, a concept of Native American culture that, you know, when somebody has lost someone, that family member that's close to them, that they've pierced the veil and they're between they're closer to the spiritual realm than they are the physical realm.
Kimberly Spencer 00:55:42 And so they're in almost in-between worlds, but not quite. And I think we can when we can look at our own past identities in that space as well, then that allows us to level up.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:55:57 Most of success is not a barrier just letting go. So those are you listening that feel like you don't want to touch grief? I'm just telling you, if you want something new, you have to let something die. I have had a major transformation that I fundamentally murdered a large part of my personality, and thanks to the ground it is, and it is tremendously challenging process to do. We knew that we do that. Why do we do uncomfortable things? Because it's not that what we're acquiring. It's not that at all. It's what we're letting go. We always think about it. Oh, I've found a new identity. Well, guess what? I received that new identity. You had those fundamentally Let something that I am let go. And that is great. That is great. The Wild Edge of Sorrow is one of the best books I've ever read on grief.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:56:39 Anybody was. That is tremendously helpful.
Kimberly Spencer 00:56:43 Yeah, yeah. I'm currently reading, grief by Doctor John Connolly, who's the founder of Rapid Resolution Therapy. Phenomenal Conversations, and I and I remember what you're saying of of letting go. It really reminds me deeply of from from Florence collection. and her book, The Game of Life and how to Play it. And there's a piece of it where she says that, you know, the more knowledge and I know that everyone listening to a podcast on spirituality, business development and growth is like, you have to have a lot of knowledge, but the more knowledge that you have, the more you've awakened yourself to that inner knowing, and the more you don't take action, the more negative karma that creates where you know when you know what you need to do, but you're not taking action. You're not listening to those intuitive nudges. You're not letting that past version of yourself die. You're not letting that pass. And I don't mean to die in the physical sense.
Kimberly Spencer 00:57:45 Like we're all like, I just said that we're all clear for the mental health. disclaimer. Like, I mean, like letting that self of that ego, the the personality go if you're still clinging on to those ashes of that past of who you have been, it creates more negative results until the universe basically like, that's just what I've experienced in my own life. But it's that that letting go process is so essential. And the more you know that you need to let go, the more you need to let go and or and the faster you will actually quantum leap when you do.
Kimberly Spencer 00:58:18 Yeah, I couldn't agree more.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:58:20 Beautifully said, beautifully said, my friend.
Kimberly Spencer 00:58:23 So how do we find you? How do we work with you? How do we see rock the stage and, you know, bring us to tears and help us let go of of our grief and our shame and level up into a new level of of wealth and alchemy in this 3D world.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:58:42 It's a great word. Alchemy. Well, you know, I have a wealth matrix.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:58:46 It's wealth matrix club. You'd like to visit that? you can find me or pretty much any social at Neil Flora as well. I work with people privately who want to create impact, but also the next level of wealth where they consider wealth as fulfillment, worthiness, success, revenue, relationships, right. And fundamentally helping people create that and the relationships that they have, it can be much easier than you think. So why did anybody just reach out to me over DMs or otherwise? and let's have a chat. I don't do anything by scarcity any more. any sort of thing. it's all attraction based and.
Kimberly Spencer 00:59:27 I.
Neal NEO Phalora 00:59:28 People I work with want to be there as much as I want to be there. I'm not casual about any relationship. I don't know how to be casual about relationships. I'm very passionate, personal moment. So thank you for having me today, Fred. This has been a great conversation.
Kimberly Spencer 00:59:41 I have loved and enjoyed every second of it. And as always, my fellow sovereigns, own your throne.
Kimberly Spencer 00:59:47 Mind your business because your reign is now.
Kimberly Spencer 00:59:50 Thank you so much for tuning in today. If what you heard resonated with you, be sure to subscribe and start creating a bigger impact now by sharing this with a friend. Just by doing that one simple act of kindness, you are creating a royal ripple to support more people in their sovereignty. And if you're not already following on social media, connect with me everywhere at Crown Yourself Now for more inspiration. I am so excited to connect with you in the next episode, and in the meantime, go out there and create a body, business, and life that rules because today you crown yourself.
