Because of dad.
It’s Father’s Day in the states which brings up a lot of mixed emotions for me this time around - and it’s not just pregnancy hormones.
On the one hand, I’ve got an amazing husband, the father to my babies, the man who redefined what being a dad meant to me - consistency, steadfastness, unconditional support.
And on the other…
I miss my dad.
Having talked and worked with many clients whose relationships with their parents have been...complex...to say the least, the grief process, I’ve noticed, is quite different for those who believe -
Life is happening FOR you.
Versus.
Life is happening TO you.
I’m of the former, though I used to be of the latter.
I tried to run as hard and as fast as I could AWAY from being anything like my dad, and, in doing so, only ran into the same cycles of enoughness, blame, shame, and victimhood I saw perpetuated through his addiction.
When I started my healing journey - first with bulimia, then with relationships, business, and money - it was then that I saw how every experience with my dad happened for me.
No longer was I blaming him for all my problems.
I was taking OWNERSHIP.
And therefore, I was taking OWNERSHIP of my own results.
THIS JOURNEY LED ME TO BE ABLE TO HAVE THE COURAGE TO STAGE HIS INTERVENTION, TO SET FIRM BOUNDARIES, TO ESTABLISH NON-NEGOTIABLES NOT ONLY IN HOW HE GOT TO TREAT ME BUT ANYONE…INCLUDING MYSELF.
And it broke the cycle.
One of the last conversations I had with my dad was him beaming with pride at the fact that he was 4 years sober from alcohol!
He had taken OWNERSHIP of his results - after 50 years!!!
My dad was proof that you can transform at any age with enough necessity.
He is one of the reasons why I am such a WARRIOR for possibility and why I have such a deep-seated belief that you can change when you just freaking DECIDE to do so.
When I look through the lens of life happening FOR me, not TO me, I see all the beautiful, amazing reasons why I was blessed to my dad as his daughter and why he was blessed to me as my father.
A few of them, I share in this video.
But there are countless others…
Because of my dad, I learned honed my skills on how to CHALLENGE behavior that doesn’t align with where someone SAYS they want to go.
Because of my dad, I learned how to ENCOURAGE others daily and to be a cheerleader for other people’s successes, to champion them when they are down.
Because of my dad, I learned that you can always make more money, but you can never make more time.
Because of my dad, I learned how to read people FAST - a skill set many children of addicts have. This has served me POWERFULLY as a coach when I’m digging through subconscious shifts in my clients for massive breakthroughs!
Because of my dad, I saw that the Universe rewards generosity 10X over.
Because of my dad, I can spot danger and warning signs, and holes in plans. I can foresee issues in businesses, leadership, and relationships that I wouldn’t have been able to see without his training.
Because of my dad, I saw how repressing, suppressing, or trying to escape from your feelings will eat you alive until you explode...and I taught myself how to do the opposite and live freely, feeling.
Because of my dad, I shifted from being addicted to doing, busy-ness, and always knocking “one more thing” off my to-do list, to allowing my BEING to be enough and BEING present with those who need me, like my kids, my husband, and my clients.
Because of my dad, I discovered the power of impact and leverage.
BECAUSE OF MY DAD, I LEARNED GRATITUDE FOR EACH AND EVERY PRESENT MOMENT I HAVE TO BE ALIVE ON THIS PLANET.
Because of my dad, I learned the importance of team, having a strong partner, and surrounding yourself with people who are better than you in areas that are not your Zone of Genius.
Because of my dad, I hold a powerful, unshakable belief in possibility and that you can transform at any age, at any time.
Because of my dad, I know the freedom that comes from both love and forgiveness.
Because of my dad, I learned how to forgive.
And, yes, these lessons didn’t come from everything being la-de-dah Stepford-perfect in my home.
A lot of them came from pain, from mistakes, from fuck ups, from hardship, from failures, from shame, from an angel, from YEARS of showing up to do the deep work, to face my demons, and generational traumas, to heal, hug and hold my inner child.
BUT, MAINLY THE LESSONS CAME FROM THE CHOICE TO SEE MY LIFE, MY CHILDHOOD, MY UPBRINGING, AND, YES, MY DAD, AND EVERYTHING THAT HAPPENED WITH HIM AS HAPPENING FOR ME.
And he’s still teaching me, especially through his death.
What’s the biggest lesson thus far?
Go for it all.
Do it all.
Claim it all.
Create it all.
Write it all.
That project, that purpose, that business, that idea, don’t let it die inside of you.
My dad had so many ideas, so many things he wanted to do, so many projects, so many dreams.
Life is too short to not fully serve with ALL of your gifts every day.
Thanks, dad.
A very happy father’s day to all the amazing dads in our community, and especially, to your dad, no matter what your relationship with him is, [First Name], for because of him YOU are here to serve YOUR purpose.
And I am so grateful you are.
Remember, your reign is now.
P.S. While my relationship with my dad, while he was alive, was quite varied, he will always be one of my greatest teachers (as he was also one of my greatest triggers.) His death was the catalyst of many new things in my life, our Youtube channel being one of them.
Check out this Queen TV episode for the 7 Entrepreneurial Lessons My Dad Taught Me
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