Courtship Confessions: How to Deal with Old-School Dating in the Modern Era

Being successful and single can suck. I feel ya! You know you know how to do some things right, but the whole love-thing may have your panties in a bundle around where to find the men, how should you act, and what are the rules of relationships in the modern dating era. That’s why we’re diving into love with my guest, Laura Lee Wood on this week’s #QueenConvo

Marketing, Facebook Ads, and Social Media, OH MY!

Social media marketing is here to stay, but the overwhelm of it all can go. That’s because in my interview with social media strategist, Sarah Lorenz, we break down what platforms you should be on for your business, and we practice the K.I.S.S. model - Keep It Simple Silly.

Why You Need a Self Care Team

Every bar needs a good bouncer, right? Well, so does your body. Meet my body’s bouncer for the physical act of getting all the knots and negative emotions out of my tissue. In this interview with neuromuscular massage therapist, Heather Harris, we dive into how negative thoughts and feelings affect your body, meta health, and how everything is energy.

How to Live Like a Sexy Mama with Luci Lampe

Choosing to have twins - a business and a baby - and grow them both at the same time is no easy feat. So, when I was 7 weeks postpartum, I called in an expert to chat. All hail, fellow Queen, Luci Lampe, founder of the Sexy Mama Movement. In this interview we talk self-judgment, productivity, and creating your vision for more than just your business.

How to Be More Confident

Do you find yourself backing down, when you know you should speak up? Or maybe you’ve been putting off that business...for years...because you just aren’t feeling confident yet? Discover how to work your confidence muscle like you would your bicep here...

Stop the glorification of being "busy."

There’s a huge difference between being busy and actually getting shit done. But at the end of the month, when you look at your bank account, or your BMI, or your calendar full of date nights (or lack thereof)...

How much has your BUSY-ness pushed you up that ladder toward where you want to be?

In 10 years of working with people, whether it was teaching Pilates or Coaching, let me tell you, being “too busy” is not an original excuse. It didn’t matter whether my client was a housewife with two grown children in college, or a partner at one of the top law firms in the country, every single woman thought she was busy. Too busy to work out. Too busy to take on another project. Too busy to go on a date. Too busy to meditate. Being “too busy” is a popular perception to have.

No one wants to think of themselves as lazy. (Even if their results say that they are.)

So, how do you ensure that your BUSY-Ness and your results are in alignment?

NO. 1 - Connect with your Goal

A lot of times we like to use the “too busy” excuse because we’re really comfortable in our comfort zone. We know how to survive there. Your goal has to be greater than your current comfort level. Because when you start doing ANYTHING new, you’re brain is going to flash warning signals. Danger! Danger!

That’s totally normal. It’s just your amygdala trying to keep you alive. This is great if you’re running away from a tiger. Not so great if you’re stepping back into the dating pool, though. That’s why your goal has to be grander than your current comfort. You’ve got to want that relationship, that body, that promotion more than you want to stay where you are.

NO. 2 - Be Intentional with Your Time

At the end of the day, did you move the needle a little closer to where you want to be. If you want to lose weight, look back on the day and really see if you took the steps forward to achieve your goal. Did you work out? Or did you let those tantalizing office doughnuts best you…again?

If you want to to improve your romantic relationship, did you take that moment in the morning to kiss your love goodbye? Or did you just rush out the door again? Did you send a text letting to that guy to let him know he was on your mind? Or did you fear being perceived as “desperate” and say to yourself, “I’ll wait till he texts me,” again?

NO. 3 - Measure Your Data…Not Your Feelings

Especially as women, we measure our productivity by how we FEEL we did. We FEEL we’ve been busy all day. We FEEL we’ve done a lot. We FEEL like we made healthy choices all day. But I’ve seen men be guilty of this as well. On Sunday, Spike and I did an intense strategy session, planning for our next quarter. We were measuring our results to our time. “But our training was only two week ago,” Spike said. I checked my calendar and looked at the data. “It was a month ago.” Spike was shocked. “Really, it felt like two weeks ago.” 

Data doesn’t lie. Feelings do. 

Our feelings stem from your unconscious mind, and your unconscious mind wants to please you. That’s why if your measuring stick is your feelings, you’re measuring faulty data. Measuring the actual data takes some major guts though. It’s not always pleasant to look at the numbers. I used to get into fights ALL the time with my ex. Like, ALL. THE. TIME. At least weekly, if not more. Finally I took a look at the actual data of how many fights we were getting into compared to my ideal, dream relationship (which included, healthy, strong communication). I realized the data my feelings gave me was crap. So I dumped that data as well as my ex. How did I know Spike was the right one? I measured the data. I can count on one hand how many fights we’ve had in over 5 years of being together. 

This next week, challenge you to truly take a look at what you’re so “busy” doing.

Every choice you’ve made. Every unconscious pattern you currently have has got you to where you are now. If you want to be somewhere else - richer, happier, healthier, whatever - connect first with WHY you want it. Then be intentional everyday and measure your progress daily or weekly.

And, remember...measure the data, not your feelings. 

And watch your life transform from where you are now to where you want to be…rapidly. 

Self-care is nothing without this. (And science proves it.)

I know in the midst of the holidays, life can get busy. Between family, friends, parties, presents, there’s a lot that goes on and usually our self-care regimen is the first thing to be put on the back burner until January. It’s just so much more snuggly to stay cozy in bed than to go for that morning run, right?

You’re normally on your game with your self-care routine.

Maybe you’re not 100% every week perfect. But you get in your stretching, your workouts, your regular manicures, and occasionally indulge in a massage or a facial when you feel you need it bad enough. 

The thing is, while practicing that self-care routine is great, it’s all external.

You can do the tasks. You can hit your workouts. You can get your mani-pedis on the reg, but if you’re missing the internal self-care those tasks are just a brief boost of endorphins. Kind of like watching a motivational video on Facebook. You feel good for a minute, maybe even an hour, but after that initial endorphin rush drops, you’re left back in your own head.

And that can be the place where your self-care routine is lacking the most. 

That crappy inner critic that whispers lies and questions your worth starts chiming in, and BAM! Suddenly you start questioning if you it was worth it to get the extra 15 minutes of massage. Or you start down the shame spiral of bashing yourself that ONE chocolate chip cookie, even though you kicked ass in your workouts everyday that week like a rockstar.

The key to a healthy self-care routine is self-compassion. 

 How can you practice self-compassion regularly? Like daily, if not by the minute?

NO. 1 - Get Out of Your Head + Into Your Heart

Your heart, like your brain generates a powerful electromagnetic field. In fact your heart generates the LARGEST electromagnetic field in your body. Scientists at the HeartMath Institute have discovered that...

Your heart actually sends more signals to your brain than your brain sends to your heart! 

Luring stress and negative emotions (especially that self-directed shame, like when you’re beating yourself up), it causes your heart rhythm to be erratic and disordered AND the corresponding pattern of neural signals traveling from the heart to the brain actually inhibits higher cognitive functions, limiting your ability to think clearly, remember, learn, reason, and make effective decisions.

Now what’s even cooler is that during positive emotional states, the more ordered and stable pattern of the heart’s input to the brain, actually facilitates cognitive function AND reinforces positive feelings and emotional stability. This means that being able to sustain positive emotions - like joy, compassion, love, gratitude, bliss - not only benefits the body but it also profoundly effects how you think

NO. 2 - Start with Gratitude

o, whenever that bitchy inner critic gets turned on or you start heading down the shame spiral, stop! Pivot. And think of something that you are so powerfully grateful for that it fills every cell in your body with love.

More importantly, it fills your heart with love.

Find that gratitude. Find that moment, that person, that experience from your past or your present that totally makes you vibrate with gratitude. It could be the first smile you got from your baby boy. I could be the moment your husband got on one knee and asked you to marry him. It could be sharing a profound belly laugh with your girlfriends that came at just the perfect moment.

Meditate on this experience until you’re so overwhelmed with gratitude that you feel every cell in your body vibrating with love. 

Love only finds you when you love yourself enough to let love out from within.

Rewarding ACTION.

Motivation dies quickly. You go to a workshop, take a seminar, watch a webinar. And for that day you’re feeling pretty pumped! You’ve got all these ideas flowing, and everything seems like it’s jiving. Maybe you even go home and make a list of all the stuff you’re going to get done, and all your goals for the entire year, and all your dreams. You start scrolling through Pinterest, crafting the perfect vision board of everything you want, desire, and dream of in your life.

Then tomorrow comes.

And that whole idea you had to wake up at 5AM and workout seems a bit…well, hard. Maybe you had your 4-month old woke you up a few times throughout the night. Maybe you were so pumped that you didn’t fall asleep till 12PM because you were too busy crafting that Pinterest dream board. Maybe it’s just freaking early…and cold…and your tired...and those covers just feel so damn good. And all that motivation dies right under the covers, and you go back to doing the same ol’ thing.

Willpower is highly overrated.

Did you know that your willpower only accounts for about 5% of all that you do? According to Tony Swartz’, New York Magazine writer and founder of The Energy Project, 95% of what we do is unconscious. Think about the last time you took a different route to work in the morning. Think about how many outfits you REALLY wear, out of all those clothes you have hanging in your closet.

If 95% of what we do is unconscious, you think it might be a good idea to work on your unconscious mind a bit?

otivation works on your conscious mind, which is why you’ll feel good in the moment, perhaps even take a few action steps, but by day three, that motivation has dwindled…rapidly. That’s why the average New Year’s resolution lasts a whopping seven days…pathetic.

The problem is that motivation is like putting a bandaid on a hemorrhaging artery. 

If you’re bleeding out on the street and your artery is spewing blood everywhere and I hand you a bandaid, would that serve you? NO! At best it would cause a minute pause in the hemorrhaging, but you’d still bleed out. What you need is something MAJOR. Literally, in that moment, you need something life changing.

Motivation solves enough your problem, just enough to temporarily halt the bleeding.

Motivation alone isn’t enough. Knowledge alone isn’t enough. You have to act. Just like it’s not neuroscience to know that a pizza is a less healthy choice than a salad. Yet, nearly 70% of Americans are overweight or obese. So many people still choose the pizza, even though we have all the information at our fingertips as to why we should really choose the salad. 

That’s why this month, I’m rewarding action.

For the month of December, if you purchase my Platinum Coaching Package, I will give you a $1000 shopping spree at Neiman Marcus. If you’re going to radically change your life, you might as well radically change your wardrobe as well, right? 

Book your FREE 20-Minute consultation now.

Because I’m all about making 2018 the BEST year ever. I want to see you thrive in your highest magnificence. To be the woman you’ve always knew deep down that you could become - with the body, the business, and the life that FREAKING RULES. You deserve to live the life of freedom, of passion, of full engagement that you so desire. You deserve to have the relationship with the man who turns to his friends and says with ultimate pride, “Yeah, I’m with her!” You deserve to have a body that you love, so that when you walk past a mirror you surprise yourself with how freaking fabulous you look. You deserve to have a thriving business that is in total soul-alignment with how you want to live - free, joyous, and absolutely loving what you do.

That’s where I come in. Together work on the other 95% - your unconscious mind.

We reprogram the bad habits like that Starbucks over-indulgence using Neurolinguistic Programming, Time Line Therapy and Hypnosis. We chuck those limiting beliefs like you’ll never find a guy who adores you, and those fears that you’ll never be able to lose that tummy roll. We dump the junk, clear out the cobwebs of your temple and get you on the fast track to high performance. In six months you’ll look back and say, “I can’t even imagine going back to the way I was.” Just like I do now whenever I look back on my really bad choices in men, and my body bashing and bulimia habits. I don’t even recognize that girl anymore. In fact, I just want to give her a hug and help her get to where I am now FASTER.

Because that’s what a coach does. That’s what investing in yourself does.

There’s really no better investment to make that in yourself. You’re going to be with you for the rest of your life. 

Do you want to still be where you are now a year from now? 5 years from now? 10? Why not quantum leap that bullshit and dive right in to truly unleveling your life?

I’m not about playing small. If you want someone to hold your hand and support you in your current habits, work with someone else. I’m here for the people who want TOTAL TRANSFORMATION. I’m here for those who are so done with their old ways that they will DO ANYTHING to stop the pattern now. The broken, confusing “it’s complicated” relationships. The business that is always just squeaking by. The body that never seems to let go of that last 10 pounds. 

If you are truly 100% done. Let’s do this. 

Because you need more than motivation, you need a coach. Someone who calls you on your crap. Someone who sees how great you can become and who holds you to your Higher, better, Future Self. (You know that woman you’ve always dreamed of becoming.) Someone who supports you in your rise to magnificence. No great leader, athlete, or entrepreneur ever got to greatness without the support. Brendon Burchard has a coach. Michael Jordan had a coach. You want to attain high levels of success…get a coach. 

You've got to take action now. Book a FREE 20-Minute Breakthrough Call today.

“Knock and the door shall be opened.” But, you’ve got to knock first. You’ve got to invest your energy into knocking. Knocking is the action. Without banging on the door, who’s going to hear what door you need opened? Sign up for a FREE 20-minute Breakthrough call here, and let’s get you where you want to go in 2018, and finish 2017 strong.

Let’s #MakeitReign in 2018…with a whole new wardrobe too!