How to Be More Confident
This past week, I was jamming with one of my high performance coaching clients. We were working on the topic of courage, and how she could work that muscle better. We discovered that somewhere along the way, she had attributed acts of courage with being confident. However, since she didn’t view herself as a “confident” person, she had allowed other people to people to take the reigns for her...and she just, kind of, went along. Now, fifty years later, she was finally putting herself in the driver’s seat.
YET, THAT CONFIDENCE THING KEPT IRKING AT HER.
And, because she didn’t feel confident, her courageous, bold action steps were few and far between. The pattern: taking a giant leap forward toward what she wanted - freedom, success, opportunity, soul-enhancing relationships - and then back-stepping four or five steps, nearly back to where she started. Kind of like a Scooby Doo cartoon. (You can add the sound effects.)
“BUT, KIM,” MY CLIENT...
How to Believe in Yourself
I was jamming with a client this past week and he (yes, I do work with men from time to time), was struggling with his ability to believe in himself. Hey, we’ve all been there at some point in our lives, especially when you feel like you just keep getting hit by the school of hard knocks. Your business is struggling. You’re deep in debt. Your once loving and joyous relationship is barely standing on rocky ground.
THESE ALL CAUSE US TO QUESTION OUR BELIEF IN OUR ABILITY TO FIGURE IT OUT.
So, I asked him, “What’s it going to take for you to believe in yourself?” To which he replied, “I’ll believe in myself when I have success.”
Here’s the problem with that reasoning.
If you’re looking for external circumstances (i.e. having success) to give you the ability to believe in yourself...it’s probably never gonna happen. If it does, that’s pure random luck. And, usually, people who achieve some medium of success or love...
7 Billion People on the Planet...and then, There’s You.
A LESSON FROM BRENDON BURCHARD
WITH A QUEENLY TWIST.
WAIT, don’t get on your high horse just yet...
You see, for the past 4 days, I had the privilege of taking not only my family, but my private clients, and some of my lucky winners from my group coaching program, The Queens Way, to Phoenix, AZ for Brendon Burchard’s High Performance Academy. You know, New York Times #1 Bestseller Brendon Burchard, bestselling author of The Millionaire Messenger, The Charge, The Motivation Manifesto, and, most recently High Performance Habits.
Yeah, that Brendon Burchard.
Something Brendon said over the weekend really stuck out to me.
THERE ARE SEVEN BILLION PEOPLE ON THE PLANET, AND YET, SOMETIMES, WE FEEL LIKE “NO ONE UNDERSTANDS US.”
When you get truly micro, no one on the planet has been through exactly the same experiences, exactly the same pains, or has exactly the same story as you. That’s what makes you unique. That’s where your...
WARNING: These symptoms could be life threatening.
Do you put off projects until something else occurs? Has your list of project grown longer and longer, and yet felt farther and farther away? But, is there an itching, burning, stinging sensation in your fingertips to just continue scrolling through Facebook and Instagram?
MY FRIEND, YOU’RE SUFFERING FROM A CASE OF “I’LL DO I.T. WHEN” SYNDROME.
You’re not alone. In fact, it’s quite common.
All humans have suffered from “I’ll Do I.T. When” Syndrome at some point in their lives. Symptoms include dreaming audaciously large dreams and yet not making any forward progress, lacking motivation, desiring things other people have, constantly seeking new opportunities, project lists, and backlogs of unfinished self-study courses.
I.T. STANDS FOR INTERNAL TRANSFORMATION.
I.T. must happen in order to achieve a certain outcome, accomplish a specific goal, or complete a project or task.
Consult with your coach if you think you may be...
Are Your Problems Just Hot, Stinky Air?
My son has this new scream that kind of sounds like bloody-murder, like someone had starved and deprived him of everything he ever loved, soul-curdling. It’s a SAW 10 worthy of a scream.
When really...
It’s just a fart.
And when I hear that little noisy poof of air, after the massive build-up of emotion, fear, stress, and anxiety, I have to laugh.
HOW OFTEN DOES A PROBLEM SEEM SO SCREAMINGLY LARGE? AND YET, IN REALITY, IT’S JUST STINKY, HOT AIR.
Our perceptions filter what is. Our reality is not reality itself. It’s our conscious reality, yes, but is it the reality? No. It’s what we perceive it to be our reality.
We can wail and scream at it...and usually, we do. (Let’s be honest.) Because that’s what we’ve learned to do since infancy. You were never taught another option, another resource, to change our response.
Until now.
Joseph Campbell said, “The meaning of life is what you ascribe to it.”
How much meaning are...
Get your 'but' out of the way.
Big butts may be good for Sir Mixalot, but a big ‘but’ can curtail your communication and have big consequences. No, I don’t mean junk-in-the-trunk kind of butts, but 'but'…you know…the word.
WHAT HAPPENS IN YOUR MIND WHEN SOMEONE STICKS A BIG 'BUT,' OR EVEN A LITTLE 'BUT' IN THEIR SENTENCE?
You look nice in that dress…but…
You did a great job with this project…but…
I love you…but…
OUCH.
You can already feel it. And as you know, when there's a battle between thought and feeling, feeling wins. Every time.
Whether a big or little 'but' is in the way, our emotional response is to ignore everything that went before the 'but’ and to focus only on what comes after it.
THE WORD ‘BUT’ NEGATES EVERYTHING THAT PRECEDES IT.
And, it's like a flashing warning signal that a really important point is coming up.
‘But’ is one of the most commonly misused words in the...
How to Handle Low-Vibes and Labor Pains
As mission-minded, high vibin' Queens, we frequently set our minds to mastery. We focus our thoughts, we create those clear intentions, we check off that to-do list like a pro. I am right there with ya, sista!
BUT SOMETIMES, YOU HAVE A ROUGH DAY.
Doubt, fear, shame, guilt, some form of negative emotion arises (normally because you're right at a Breakthrough). Call it a bad day, call it low-vibes, whatever you call it, it sucks.
I used to dread the suck-days because I thought, "OMG I'm not manifesting abundance! I've got these negative emotions. That's sending mixed messages to my unconscious mind..."
AND DOWN THE RABBIT HOLE I WOULD GO.
Suppressing the negative emotions, denying that they're there is delusional. It's not your truth.
That's when unicorns, sparkles, rainbows, and airy-fairy bullshit start crowding your reality, pushing your dreams farther outside of you.
YOUR DREAMS, YOUR GOALS ARE ALL INSIDE OF YOU WAITING TO BE BIRTHED.
Ask any woman who has been through labor, and...
The Easiest Way to Forget
Wow, what a week it was. In training from 9-6AM learning how to teach my clients, both coaching and consulting, the only methodology in the world scientifically proven to predict your prospects buying behavior in 90 seconds. You can check it out here.
To top it off, the weekend before I was in a seminar series learning from some of the BEST coaches, teachers, and leaders...like multi-multi-millionaire kind of people. People like Tony Robbins’ VP of Business Strategy, Micheal Besson, Bill Walsh, and John Ferguson teaching some ADVANCED marketing, sales, and mindset material.
I’M JUST GLAD I TOOK NOTES SO THAT I COULD REMEMBER IT ALL.
Even though I know my unconscious mind captured it all, having the tangible opportunity to hit the “refresh” button on all that juicy knowledge is super alluring. That’s why I wanted to give you my secret to remembering something…
NOW, DON’T FORGET IT.
It’s BIG!!!!
Poof. And now it’s gone. ...
#Adulting So Hard
Ever wonder why #adulting seems soooo freakin' hard? BAD NEWS: Only you're making it that way.
Tony Robbins said it best, “Nothing in life has any meaning except the meaning you give it.” So if you’re making #adulting hard…that’s all you, baby. The good news is, YOU have the power to change that. #Adulting is just a matter of perspective.
HERE ARE 3 WAYS TO MAKE #ADULTING BE MORE ENJOYABLE:
NO.1 - ADD MORE PLAY TO YOUR DAY
Consciously adding more play to your day seems ridiculous. But, next time you're busy #adultingsohard try it with a crown on, or while dancing, or by adding a wax monogram seal to your envelope...because you're THAT fancy.
Just play. How can you bring more joy to the mundane adult stuff? Even the uncomfortable stuff…like paying your bills.
Now, I know you’re thinking, have I seen your student loan debt? (EESH!) I get it. But, energy is fluid. If you're paying your bills with a negative...
I’ve found a new addiction. (The old one wasn’t working so well.)
Don’t tell my husband, but I’m addicted…to Battlestar Galactica. It would make him far too happy that I’ve converted to the “dark side” and fallen into a special love with this sci-fi series. I could say it’s because of it’s heavy NLP influence - lessons like perception is projection, cause > effect, and the power of the unconscious mind - permeates the show.
But, really, it’s just damn good entertainment.
In one episode, Colonel Tigh, the local drunk, prevents one of Admiral Adamas’s former fighter pilots from killing him. You see, this pilot had been left for dead by Adama on covert mission years ago against the Cylons, and mysteriously returned years later. Turns out he was captured by the Cylons, and, after they wiped out all of humanity (except for the fleet of the Battlestar Galactica), they let this viper pilot go, knowing that he had a vendetta against the Admiral for leaving him behind…for...